everybody’s gotta learn sometime

It’s strange to feel like I’m ready for a relationship at only this point in my life. It didn’t seem right that anyone should love me if I didn’t love myself, and that didn’t really start until recently.

It also took a good round of therapy to figure out that I was sabotaging my relationships so no one could have the chance to hurt me. If I consider which ones would have worked out had that not been an issue that caused me to break up with my girlfriends in order to protect myself, I can only think of one. But that was a long time ago, and while we may have worked then, it’s no guarantee for the people we’ve become, as I’m sure there’s been a lot of growth on both our ends. It’s only now that I feel like my personal evolution has reached a peak, a place where I’m satisfied with who I am, and there won’t likely be any more drastic changes that may affect the dynamics of a relationship.

I’ve been able to recognize that the risk of getting hurt is inseparable from the trust we place in the people we love, and that risk is always worth it. I’ve left behind my baggage, something no one else should have to deal with, and I’ve had enough experience to know exactly what I’m looking for in a relationship and what kind of people work with me.

Took me 30 years to figure it all out, but everybody’s gotta learn sometime.

One comment

  1. I fully believe men begin life at 30 and don’t really know themselves fully until 40 through 60 (freedom, especially sexual freedom, being so misleading and enticing into lack of focus).

    Women seem to tend to begin thinking of a life with others by late twenties, but don’t usually get to really know themselves until 30 something or 40 either. Kids get in the way, generally. Or freedom’s distractions. I was just thinking the other day that maturity should really be coming earlier in our growth in society, rather than children coming later and later biologically….

    It’s been such a joy to see you rise up to a new plateau of calm, self-knowledge; self-assurance. It’s really comforting. I hope for all good things for you, always, whether single or paired.

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