One measures a circle, beginning anywhere

Been liv­ing on too much sin and not enough sleep, though most­ly it’s in the form of calo­ries and sug­ar. Thank god I have an Asian metabolism.

Things are hap­pen­ing so quick­ly around me. Chris is get­ting seri­ous with his girl. Pat and Jen had their first baby, a boy named Kyden. ____’s get­ting mar­ried in April. (What? Yeah. What? Yeah.) Funny how I’m start­ing to feel like the one who’s all settled.

It makes me fan­tas­ti­cal­ly proud to say that I’ll be assum­ing best-man respon­si­bil­i­ties, though I still asked ____ who he was going appoint cause I nev­er feel like I can take any­thing in our friend­ship for grant­ed. His anger at my hav­ing asked was prob­a­bly the warmest ges­ture I’ve had in a while. That means with the bach­e­lor par­ty, the wed­ding, and anoth­er wed­ding I’ve to film, I’ll be dri­ving to Toronto three times between now and spring.

I’ve already lost ____ to an extent, as he’s only had about two months to plan his wed­ding, and he’s been busy with such. But even though our phone calls were my main form of con­tact with the out­side world, I haven’t noticed their absence, or as much as I thought I would at least. I think I’m get­ting used to being so out-of-touch with peo­ple. There’s so much ful­fill­ment one can find in a book or a movie or an instru­ment, let alone the vast­ness of the internet.

One of my ven­tures was mak­ing a tri­al World of Warcraft account1, just so I could try being social at a dis­tance, but I still couldn’t both­er inter­act­ing with oth­er peo­ple. And since the whole point of pay­ing a month­ly fee for an MMORPG is to have that kind of inter­ac­tion, I stopped when I maxed out at lev­el 202 on the third day. Good thing too, because it was the only thing I did for those three days.

I used to feel so guilty about being alone, think­ing I should be tak­ing advan­tage of some oppor­tu­ni­ty to be social. Then I real­ized that if I ever got too uncom­fort­able and lone­ly, I’d get up and do some­thing about it. I’m too hap­py and too com­fort­able here right now. I think that’s why I can’t tell if this is where I’m going, or where I already am.

  1. Which I’d pre­vi­ous­ly vowed nev­er to play, know­ing my addic­tive nature to any char­ac­ter-build­ing games, and WoWs nev­er-end­ing game­play. []
  2. The max lev­el for tri­al accounts. []

12 comments

  1. I’m breath­ing a sigh of relief that you didn’t join up for full sub­scrip­tion RPG play. I don’t want to find you on the news being report­ed as hav­ing starved to death in your home with­out notic­ing your deple­tion.… amid tow­er­ing piles of cds and vids.…

    All these people’s lives chang­ing around you makes me wor­ry for you. You’re not wor­ried, but I’m wor­ried. I’m sor­ry. I just am. Not in an aun­tie says you should real­ly get mar­ried kind of way, but in an I hope you won’t regret any­thing way. Maybe it’s just because I wish I still had your time and youth: I do, you’re in such a prime place. I wish your world would bloom with an explo­sion of best col­or and fresh­ness and step into some­thing shining. 

    Gung hay fat choy btw. Belatedly.

    • I hope I don’t regret any­thing either. That’s what I won­der about nowa­days. But I keep ask­ing myself, “What requires youth?” What would I want to do in 40 years that I’d only be able to do now?

      Aside from the abil­i­ty to hold my pee, I can’t think of anything.

      • In youth we spoil our­selves by doing only what we find com­fort­able in doing. Myself, I regret not hav­ing ven­tured out­side of my lim­it­ed com­fort zone when I was your age. Who knows, I could have dis­cov­ered a lot more com­fort zones, enjoyed life bet­ter, and accom­plished more.

        BTW, not being obese doesn’t nec­es­sar­i­ly mean your healthy. Once you’ve reached 30, it’s time to watch your life style and diet.

      • So do you now feel that you don’t enjoy life as much as you should be enjoy­ing it? And that it’s not pos­si­ble to do any­thing about it now?

        I agree about the health thing. My car­dio is pret­ty bad right now. I’m look­ing for a Tai Chi stu­dio, but they’re decent ones are hard to find in Ottawa.

      • There were things that I wish I had done when I was younger, things that should have made me enjoy life bet­ter now. I guess it’s no longer pos­si­ble because the win­dow of oppor­tu­ni­ty is closed, or that ener­gy is gone, and you are more ready to ven­ture when you know you have some­thing to fall back on — youth.

        Grease, and sug­ar are irre­sistible, but they can be dead­ly. Tea is bet­ter than cof­fee. It’s just a mat­ter of get­ting used to. Persistence is the key. And hey, keep prac­tis­ing Tai chi.

      • Maybe I now feel the same way you do…like my ener­gy is gone. Or the way I see it is that I’m hap­py enough with the way things are now that I don’t feel the need to ven­ture forth anymore.

        Do you think that there’s a point where you could be so dis­sat­is­fied that you would do some­thing about it, even now?

      • You got me. Maybe extreme dis­sat­is­fac­tion can be the ulti­mate ener­giz­er. Hmm, I’d give it some thought. Mind you, some say con­tent can be destructive.

      • Further down you say ‘So do you now feel that you don’t enjoy life as much as you should be enjoy­ing it? And that it’s not pos­si­ble to do any­thing about it now?’

        YES and YES.
        But for me that has two reasons:
        1) I REALLY wish I had my 30 year old bod back, for ener­gy and beau­ty rea­sons; and note also that all my male friends harp that they wish they had their hair back too, and their fig­ures. Yes, even the Asian ones.

        2) Financially we become entan­gled in our careers and homes and things we can’t undo; we can’t relo­cate eas­i­ly for exam­ple; and my means to ends is not the one I’d wished. I tried to undo my web in my 30s and wasn’t able to quite extri­cate myself. I guess you are luck­i­er that way — you seem con­tent with your work. Or are you?

      • I can see health and mon­ey being issues in the future. But couldn’t you always ques­tion whether you could be hap­pi­er now, no mat­ter what age, no mat­ter where you are, no mat­ter what you have? I’m sure there are plen­ty of things I could have done when I was younger to make life bet­ter for me now; exams I could have aced, things I could have learned. But by doing them, I’d prob­a­bly have had to sac­ri­fice oth­er things, so I have no regrets about it and I don’t let it affect me now.

      • I think that’s true in your 20s .… I blew off a lot to live life to the fullest, and wouldn’t trade any of that. But by late 30s the jit­ters start­ed about the future.… maybe that hap­pens ear­li­er with women?. 

        In any case I guess you’re cor­rect that you must be con­tent, and if you are, all’s well. Just keep an eye open.

  2. hi, I’m just writ­ing this to tell you how sim­ple, yet awe­some I found your blog.
    still fig­ur­ing if I pre­fer this ver­sion or the pre­vi­ous (despite it’s the first time I’m here).

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