August passed me by.
My Tai Chi studio closed at the beginning of the month due to the new provincial tax policy. I was going to look for another studio, but I haven’t had a chance. Instead, I took up singing lessons. It didn’t help that Starcraft 2 came out, and the fact that most of my friends purchased it too so there’s always at least one person online and ready to play with me.
There’s so much stuff I feel like I’m putting off. I tell myself, “I’ll start when I have more time”, but more time never comes. There’s always another project or idea that lands in my lap. Something I’m compelled to photograph, or sing, or write, or record.
Sometimes I wonder if stay so busy just to distract myself from this overwhelming sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I’m happy when I’m with my friends. But eventually someone has to go home, and you’re by yourself. It’s only distracting for so long.
Heather G asked me if I was still considering moving to Toronto in a few years. I could only think to myself, “Am I going to be alive in a few years?”, though I give myself ten at least to finish up a few projects, Nelly Arcan style. She also said that in my last e-mail, when talking about what I was working on, I came across as having this boundless energy.
Things have changed.
It’s strange to be so sad in this season. The weather is just starting to cool, and there are wonderful breezes mixed with the warmth of the sun. I sleep with the windows open and feel connected to everyone else who has the chilly night air against their skin. None of it means anything when I wake up.