31 comments

Leave a reply

1. I can’t think of any­thing I would share here that I did­n’t already on my own blog.

   ummm poop­ing is awe­some?

   • Oh come on! The idea is to admit here what you can’t admit on your own blog. I will reluc­tant­ly accept your sub­mis­sion, since it’s first, so here’s mine:

     I agree that poop­ing is awe­some. Sometimes I wait and hold in the poop for as long as pos­si­ble, because good poops give me poo-pho­ria. This works much bet­ter at home than at work, when the stalls may be occu­pied and I run the risk of shit­ting my pants.

     • I don’t hold it for that rea­son, but it is pret­ty awe­some. Ahh the joy of poop­ing!

       I think if there is some­thing I would­n’t share on my blog, I would­n’t share it any­where else online either since my blog is where I feel the most safe, sur­round­ed by all my oth­er posts.

       Were I to admit some­thing hor­ri­bly pri­vate here, all on it’s own, it would be naked stripped of it’s con­text and even more hor­ri­fy­ing.

       Here’s some­thing that I would put on my blog but nev­er did. I was con­vinced my ex was cap­i­tal e Evil and that at some point in the future, had we remained togeth­er, it would be my duty to kill him to save human­i­ty.

       I used to have dreams and visions about this. I start­ed feel­ing drawn to cer­tain church­es and cer­tain omi­nous places. I found sym­bol­ism in almost every­thing in regards to this. It real­ly felt like the uni­verse was guid­ing me to that. This went on for a while after we broke up and even­tu­al­ly they stopped. I don’t know what to make of it now.

       Was I going crazy in a bad rela­tion­ship or was I being guid­ed by the hand of ‘god’?

     • I agree that it’s eas­i­er to share things on your own blog, but the point is for peo­ple to feel unsafe togeth­er. This is an exer­cise like in The Breakfast Club, when Emilio Estivez gets asked what he would do for a mil­lion dol­lars, and he says, “Well, I guess I’d do as lit­tle as I had to…”, and Molly Ringwald says, “That’s bor­ing. The idea is to like search your mind for the absolute lim­it.” But you have redeemed your­self with your speak of past reli­gious visions that made you seem sort of like Joan of Arc.

       I think you were going crazy in a bad rela­tion­ship. Hopefully this is true, and your ex does­n’t become the leader of the Fourth Reich.

2. I hug either my pen­guins or my girl­friend’s bear to sleep and hold on to them tight­ly until morn­ing because it’s the only phys­i­cal com­fort I have right now. Some night’s its not enough because noth­ing beats a warm touch of some­one you care about next to you. When that hap­pens, there is always the knife and that’s the only com­fort I can give myself at this point.

   • Good one. I like how you have pen­guins, and your avatar is a pen­guin too. Here’s mine:

     I sleep with three pil­lows. One for my head, and two are hug pil­lows (one full body on the left, one king sized on the right) that I keep right against my body, and it start­ed out as a way for me to feel less lone­ly when I slept at night. I used to have only one small one, but it kept get­ting big­ger, and then I added a sec­ond. I find it hard to sleep with­out them now, or at least with­out some­thing right up against my stom­ach and between my knees (I think it’s because my knees are bony and uncom­fort­able against each oth­er — even if I’m spoon­ing some­one, I put a pil­low between my knees). If I’m sleep­ing at a friend’s house, I have to bunch up the blan­kets and use that instead. When camp­ing, I use a coat.

3. This is gross, and besides my hus­band, you’re the only per­son (plus your read­ers) who will know this:

   For the last two months or so, my pee has start­ed to smell real­ly pun­gent. Like hon­ey turkey sand­wich­es. I don’t know what it is. I cut out cof­fee, most cheeses, white bread, bleached wheat, fat­ty foods, and refined sug­ar from my diet and I’m try­ing to drink more water. I’m a veg­e­tar­i­an. I take mul­ti vit­a­mins reg­u­lar­ly. I exer­cise. I eat my fruits and veg­gies. No mat­ter how much or how lit­tle water I drink or how healthy I eat in a day, my urine smells like turkey. Some days it’s almost as pun­gent as a fart.

   It makes me embar­rassed to go to the bath­room. I wait until my blad­der is about to burst or my rec­tum is about to pro­lapse, because I’m afraid some­one will enter the bath­room at the same time I do, smell my pee, and then think my vagi­na is dirty or I don’t show­er after sex, or some­thing. If that time comes when I’m on the toi­let and some­one else comes in, I sit and wait until every­one has left the bath­room before I come out, so no one will know it was me who left the turkey smell in stall 3. It’s embar­rass­ing and ter­ri­ble.

   And that’s my secret. I can’t believe I said it…

   • Way to raise the bar!

     Multi-vit­a­mins can def­i­nite­ly turn your pee yel­low, but not nec­es­sar­i­ly make it smell fun­ny. Honey turkey sand­wich­es is so specific…hahahahh. Reminds me of that scene in Tropic Thunder, when Robert Downey Jr. is pre­tend­ing to pee, and he turns around and says, “That smelled just like bologna for some rea­son.” Okay, here’s mine:

     I find it real­ly hard to go #2 in pub­lic bath­rooms because I feel too self-con­scious. If some­one is in the stall next to me, I have to wait until they leave. So what I do some­times is bring my head­phones with me, and watch an episode of 30 Rock on my iPhone. As long as I don’t hear the per­son next to me, or myself, I can do my busi­ness. It’s like for some rea­son, if I can’t hear a deuce hit­ting the water, then the oth­er per­son can’t either. I know this makes no sense, but it works for me.

   • Get your kid­ney func­tions checked by a doc­tor. You may have the begin­ning of a big­ger prob­lem and it needs to be nipped in the bud.

   • same problem.…i just googled pee and turkey and this came up…your not alone

     • I did too. lol

4. I’ve hard­ly ever com­ment­ed on Jeff’s site and there are very good rea­sons for that. However, he’s asked me to try to com­ment on this entry so I’ll give it a shot.

   I’ve sat here for 5 min­utes try­ing to think of some­thing and I’ve real­ized that I’m ter­ri­bly inhibited.…not because of the pub­lic nature of this forum but because I know many of the peo­ple who read this site and am not inclined to embar­rass myself or over­ly expose myself to them. there­fore my expo­si­tion will be brief and mea­ger as that is all I’m will­ing to do. Call me up tight but that’s the side of my nature an exper­i­ment such as this expos­es.

   I hate talk­ing on the phone.

   It shows. Most of my tele­phone con­ver­sa­tions are brief and mea­ger just like this expo­sure and I’m always screw­ing my con­ver­sa­tions up because I just want them to end(come to the point) and I come across as rude and the oth­er par­ty gets offend­ed. All too often I find that the oth­er par­ty derives their sat­is­fac­tion from the con­ver­sa­tion itself where­as I see most con­ver­sa­tions on the phone as a means to the end. An exchange of use­ful infor­ma­tion. I’ve had sev­er­al con­ver­sa­tions like that today and they have been quite satisfying/productive. The vast major­i­ty of con­ver­sa­tions that I have that are fun in and of them­selves for some rea­son occur face to face. I don’t know why that is but that’s been my obser­va­tion.

   This has actu­al­ly be quite embar­rass­ing for me if only because it demon­strates just how soft core I am. Apologies. I feel as though I’ve com­plete­ly failed this test and added to your exper­i­ment only by show­ing how unwill­ing I am to share. you ought to share some­thing equal­ly shal­low in response.

   • You’re right, that was pathet­ic! And you do suck on the phone. Our phone calls are pret­ty much just catch­ing up on news; there’s nev­er any shoot­ing of the shit. So here’s mine that’s equal­ly soft core (but still some­thing I would­n’t usu­al­ly admit):

     I get real­ly ner­vous when doing some­thing new, like order­ing a type of meat I’ve nev­er ordered before at a Chinese butch­er, or going to a car wash (had to for the first time this year), or ask­ing for a prod­uct at a store. Even if it’s real­ly sim­ple (or maybe because it’s real­ly sim­ple), I get wor­ried that I’ll screw it up some­how, and I won’t know what to do or ask and end up look­ing like an idiot. If I got into a car acci­dent, I’d prob­a­bly be more wor­ried that I would­n’t know what to do (in terms of insur­ance, exchang­ing infor­ma­tion, when to call the police, etc.), than about being injured. Sometimes, I mar­vel at your abil­i­ty to walk into any sit­u­a­tion, even when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing or what’s going on, and not be uncom­fort­able or ner­vous.

     • Me too about the car acci­dent bit…more wor­ried that I wouldn’t know what to do than about being injured.

       Funny, John sounds so Asian :)

     • That’s fun­ny, I think he sounds exact­ly like a lawyer!

5. I’m in a func­tion­al rela­tion­ship right now, though my boyfriend is in Australia and I’m in Malaysia. But when­ev­er the top­ic of mar­riage comes up (either between the two of us, or among my friends or rel­a­tives), or even near enough to be brought up, I always find myself chang­ing the top­ic.

   So, I think I have com­mit­ment pho­bia. You know, pret­ty much like Meredith in Grey’s Anatomy :) I don’t know if this is valid, but my par­ents were sep­a­rat­ed when I was 9 years old.

   • Hmmm…did it start out as long dis­tance? Are you using it as a way to keep a sort of com­mit­ment dis­tance? I think I’m the oppo­site of a com­mit­ment-phobe because my par­ents had such a bad mar­riage, and I want to be sure that it works for me. Okay, here’s mine:

     Even though I’m inter­est­ed in pur­chas­ing a firearm for sport shoot­ing, I’d nev­er do it. I used to have sui­ci­dal thoughts that still pop up in my head every now and then (though nowhere near as severe or scary), and I’m wor­ried that if one day these thoughts got the bet­ter of me and I had a gun, I’d be easy access to a way out with­out a way back. I know if I was real­ly sui­ci­dal I’d find a way to kill myself, but I don’t want to make it easy, so that if I had to do it, I’d have to fig­ure out how and hope­ful­ly change my mind by the time I did.

     • Nope, it did­n’t start out this way. He went to Australia last year to do his Ph.D.

       People always go “wow” over how well we func­tion despite being so far apart, but truth is, you can also do it, if you aren’t think­ing about mar­riage, LOL.

6. I always have to have a con­ver­sa­tion with myself first that I am going to have to have with some­one else, espe­cial­ly if its going to be a serious/confrontational one. I HATE con­fronta­tion or any­thing even relat­ed to it so i have to have the con­ver­sa­tion with myself first to try to weigh out all of the what ifs and pos­si­ble respons­es. This would­n’t be such a bad thing but I usu­al­ly do it while I’m dri­ving in my car lis­ten­ing to music because its when I can think the clear­est so it makes for some pret­ty inter­est­ing looks from peo­ple at red lights because it’s usu­al­ly pret­ty obvi­ous that I’m talk­ing to myself. :-/

   On a side note, have you ever lis­tened to Owl City? You might like them and you might not, just thought I would share there name.

   • I do tend to sing and dance in my car a lot. I always watch out at red lights though, because I’ve been caught singing or danc­ing one too many times. I’ve nev­er heard of Owl City, but I’ll look them up. Okay, here’s mine:

     I shad­ow box or shad­ow Tai Chi in the show­er. There are a few moves that espe­cial­ly seem to work in the lim­it­ed space, like sin­gle whip. I try to punch the ceram­ic tiles with as much pre­ci­sion and con­trol as pos­si­ble, so as hard as I can while stop­ping right when I touch the tile. Sometimes, I wor­ry that one day I’ll make a mis­take, and put a hole in my wall.

7. I will admit a cou­ple
   At work, 90% og the time i hon­est­ly dont care what females are say­ing and if i am engaged in a con­ver­sa­tion, its only to be polite or social­iz­ing to increase my chances of hav­ing sex.
   Truth is i would­nt have sex with 9/10 women at work, even if i have mas­tur­bat­ed to them.

   • Good one. It’s a lit­tle late, but I’ll give you one of mine any­way:

     Sometimes, when I know I’m going to have sex, I drink more water before­hand cause it makes my orgasms way bet­ter.

8. I mas­tur­bate a lot and I am look­ing for a way to stop it. Even if my girl­friend is in the next room, i still look for a way to do that shit. How can I stop this?

   • You’re not alone. Porn addict­ed too.

9. i think about a sex­u­al expe­ri­ence that i have had every night before i go to sleep.

   that’s embar­rass­ing.

10. i think about how i can hit a tree at 65 miles an hour every time i am dri­ving. some­times i have to swerve my car off of the road a lit­tle to con­vince myself that i am actu­al­ly in con­trol of it.

    i scare myself by doing so.

11. @ kasi west: David Cronenberg’s Crash — sex in car crash­es.

    I can’t stand peo­ple touch­ing my key­board and mouse at work. Just tell me “where it is” or “how to do it” and let me do it. If they do touch my key­board and mouse, I’ll secret­ly get up get some hand san­i­tiz­er to wipe down my work­sta­tion min­utes lat­er.

12. @urb:

    thank you for the movie rec­comen­da­tion. much appre­ci­at­ed. i will have to watch it soon.

13. I’m 17 & I have been wak­ing up to touch­ing myself. I find it fun­ny but it would be kin­da embar­ras­ing if I did it while my boyfriend was sleep­ing next to me, even though he’d prob­a­bly laugh at me. idk, it’s just real­ly weird, I play with myself alot almost every­time I’m alone. do you think it’s my dreams or I’m just addict­ed to mas­tur­bat­ing? :)

14. I some­times won­der what it would be like to straight up puke on who­ev­er I’m talk­ing to. I know… thats f‑ed up! Not that I can even make myself puke, or that it would feel good. It’s just one of those odd thoughts that makes no sense. Its not even the visu­al, its the con­cept.

15. Er this is hard for me I hope I’m not too late for a reply but I hate keep­ing it inside.. I was extreme­ly depressed ..I just began 9th grade and it was dif­fer­ent from every­where else because for once in my life I was being treat­ed with respect by new friends I met..but it was­n’t enough.. People still kept com­ing and going..my birth­day came and it was the low­est I’d ever felt in my life that’s a long sto­ry I won’t get into because of, i wa going to final­ly end it all but there was a voice in my head telling me” just hold on a lit­tle longer” ..4 days lat­er I met him .. He gave me a great start at life .. I thought it was a high­er pres­ence giv­ing me a gift..I real­ly did.. But now where is he? He’s not here any­more
    I’m back to were I start­ed