A Cold And Grey Summer Day

My room is a mess, a side-effect of my busy sched­ule. I should be clean­ing. Hell, I should be sleep­ing, but I’d rather write instead, see­ing as how I haven’t had a chance in four days. It would appear as if I’m going through some sort of expres­sion with­draw­al.

Vincent Gallo prac­ti­cal­ly wrote this entry for me.

I had When by Vincent Gallo play­ing here.

(If you’re going to lis­ten to this song, turn the lights down, or at least close your eyes. Remove your­self of any ambi­ent noise. Breathe slow­ly for 30 sec­onds before play­ing it. This song deserves it. You deserve it.)

Even though it went up to 28°C today, the morn­ing start­ed cold and calm. There was so much mois­ture in the air that one could taste the grey.

It made me strange­ly sto­ic when I left the house. Something about the whether that remind­ed me of how com­fort­ing it can be to feel sad. It’s as if the earth had decid­ed to com­pli­ment my mood with cloud cov­er. I can’t even explain the cause of my sad­ness, and can only guess that real­iza­tion and accep­tance are set­ting in. The only sav­ing grace is that I feel con­fi­dent enough to pick myself up and move on. Not that I want to do it alone right now. Wish I had the option.

As the day dragged on, things start­ed to wear me down. Exhaustion dried my eyes. I kept try­ing to pick myself up, kept try­ing to hide my sigh­ing sad­ness from those around me, to no avail.

Wish I had a smile in my wardrobe for days like this.


  1. Sadness can appear unex­pect­ed­ly from the noth­ing, and soon­er or lat­er it dis­ap­pears in the way you did­n’t real­ize:)
    “How can I live through/experience cer­tain things of the life strong­ly depens on my approach/attitude, in bad times I should not expect myself to be hap­py or in good mood, but I have to fol­low achiev­ing my goals, doing my work and all these doing in an active way!”
    I heard this from some­where and it is always in my mind in cer­tain cases…now. Maybe my mes­sage isn’t clear as my English is not native.…but briefly wear­ing an “artif­i­cal” smile (which ori­gin is not you) is not the best solu­tion, just go ahead and soon there will be only few clouds both in the sky and in your mind :-)

  2. You’re right…it only took a few hours in the right com­pa­ny for things to bright­en up. Perhaps it’s like love; some­thing that hap­pens when you least expect it. And until it does, you might as well embrace the moments in between because they prove to be over soon enough.

  3. Yes, love is sim­i­lar. Love comes and goes like a chameleon:)
    If you want you can enjoy every moment of the life, even sad moments or love-moments or sad love-moments?!? You can also live in a dream world with untrue love-moments. For me it is always com­fort­able and enjoy­able but in the same time painful and makes me con­fused. I have to wake up myself from the dreams oth­er­wise I am not able to find or fol­low the path of my life. I expe­ri­ence it these days…

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