“You’re the perfect woman.”
She realizes this as she writes down my chest, waist, and hip size, then asks rhetorically, “What are the typically ideal measurements?”.
Aaron and I could only look at each other, as we had no idea.
“36–26–36.”
“Wow, so you’re a really hot chick!”, says Aaron.
Hi-LAR-ious. Years of confidence I’ve gained, girlfriends convincing me that I’m not too skinny, gone.
“And how much do you weigh?”
“(Pause)…113”.
“After he’s had a buffet”, Aaron adds. My friend the comedian. To console me, he says, “It’s okay. Remember, you’ll be paired up with Jenn in the party”.
My counterpart. The tiniest girl I know.
In the last few years I’ve been to weddings for other friends, but Aaron’s the first out of my core group to get married (although Pat got engaged before him). To pay tribute to his culture, he wants the wedding to be a bit Scottish — something his Popa is especially pleased about.
As a groomsman, I’ll be wearing a kilt. As a Chinese guy, I’ll be feeling a little out-of-place.
He asked me to give him a hand in shopping for the regalia. What a culture shock. Looking through catalogues of claidheamh, sporrans, Sgian Dubhs, Ghillies Brogues. I can’t even pronounce the names. My tongue wasn’t made for these kinds of inflections.
“It’ll take you guys longer to get dressed than the bride”.
Before we leave I remember to ask, “Can we go traditional?”, with Aaron adding, “My Popa would be pretty upset if we didn’t”.
Traditional. The euphemism for commando. The euphemism for bear-ass naked.
“Don’t worry, everything is dry-cleaned”, say the woman reassuringly.
It’s only after we leave that I realize everything but the shirt is made of wool.
I’ll be scratching my balls through the whole service.
I’d like to be there. Have a great day.
Should be ok, as long as you’re not doing it in the photos ;)
Hope you’ll be posting some photographic evidence of your kilted adventures.
@JB — Assuming you don’t know any of the people getting married, why would you like to be there?
@Bean — We’ll be traditional in the photos, just not showing it off. Although I do have a few upskirt pictures planned. So don’t worry, I’ll have as many kilted adventure photos as possible with me being involved in the wedding party.
Hey, great finish to your post. Also a great start to my day! Don’t feel too out of place — considering how close friends you are with Aaron, I suspect you’re in the exact right place. Cheers :)
Being Cameron Scots myself, and having already written about the reluctance of a Korean husband to go anywhere NEAR a kilt, I am delighted to hear you are doing so. I can’t wait to see you, you’ll look terrific, I’m sure. I could digress further in a way, but I’m zipping it for now. While… you’re… not zipping it.
I really can’t imagine anything that sounds more adorable than a Chinese guy in a kilt.
@Nick — Thanks Nick. You’re probably right. Ball scratching is universal, whether it’s kilted or not.
@Xibee — Hahahha…I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to try wearing something as cool as a kilt. I’m just hoping the toothpicks they call my legs will be able to hold up the hose.
@ACG — I’ve never actually seen a Chinese guy in a kilt, so people will soon be finding out if that’s true.
Jeff, there has got to be one on google image search… and i’m off to find it!
tip — do not google image search “asian kilt” at work. just don’t!
Hhahhahahhhahah…I never even thought about a Google image search, and until your warning, I never realized the connotations either.
I’ve been around my fair share of kilts. Been to a few Scottish weddings, my mum was in a pipe band and I was a Scottish cadets unit. From all of this, there is one important thing I’ve learned. Fasten. In any way you can. Anchor down, for serious.
Oh, wonderful. No skipping on the picture displays !
@Reno — Fasten what? The kilt? Am I supposed to anchor the hem down with weights or something?
@Phaedra — I’ll get as many photos as I can. Unfortunately, they’ll be quite limited with my role in the wedding party.
@Xibee — Did you type something in the comment? Because it didn’t come out.
Sorry, I was putting a left arrow and dashes that pointed to my name and then said “googling Asian kilt” , but apparently it didn’t print. Did my symbol negate the post somehow? Hm. Now the lightness of it is a lead balloon. Damn.