I think my alarm woke me up this morn­ing.

In uni­ver­si­ty I would dream of dif­fer­en­tial equa­tions, log­ic gates, algo­rith­mic proofs, any­thing that I crammed in my head the night before. If I did­n’t dream it, I was­n’t ready. Everything was ster­ile, unemo­tion­al. I would­n’t be watch­ing myself write an exam, I’d be writ­ing it. My con­scious thoughts would take over my sub­con­scious mind.

This is dif­fer­ent. All day I think. At night, I try to sleep but can’t, and all I do is start to think again. Then, some­how, my alarm wakes me up. Have I slept? Was I actu­al­ly think­ing, or just dream­ing about it? My jaw is sore. I’m clench­ing my teeth. When did I start? Was it before or after I got in bed? My eyes are sealed shut again. Have I been cry­ing? Did I cry in my uncon­scious, or did I do it con­scious­ly and for­get?