I understand. A lack of feedback is the ultimate test of confidence, one of the many crucibles of a relationship. The strong make it through, the weak fall apart.
I have to be strong. I have to cast aside my insecurities, and not look back. I have to trust in Louise as much as she trusts in me. I have to be more open, more communicative. How can I be sure of what she thinks if I don’t speak to her first?
I have to be strong. I have to treat Louise better. She shouldn’t be paying for my bad days. I have to push through the weight, or we both pay, the vicious bad-mood cycle. I have to be firm first, or there is nothing for her to support.
I have to be strong. I once asked Louise for three things, and I can’t be scared to ask for others. I have to take that leap of faith, because love is nothing without risk.
Do people really become stronger from pressure? I’ve always cracked, and it feels like I’m cracking now. Is this what the strong have gone through?
No one can promise that I won’t get hurt. No one can help me.
And I have to be strong enough to deal with both.