It's a D/s Life: A Beginning

I haven’t writ­ten a con­tem­pla­tion entry in ages. Things have been pushed aside to make way for new explo­ration and com­pre­hen­sion.

For so long, I’ve tried to wait before writ­ing about this. My inex­pe­ri­ence, and pos­si­bly even inse­cu­ri­ties, have caused me to approach this sub­ject slow­ly and care­ful­ly. Every day a new idea, a new under­stand­ing, a new emo­tion, a new strength. I’ve felt as if I’ve known so lit­tle, but am now begin­ning to make progress in my learn­ing, am now begin­ning to under­stand the immen­si­ty of this lifestyle.

Now, there are now too many thoughts to go with­out record, and I must write.


  1. I would have nev­er guessed this was some­thing that intrigued you. A part of me is delight­ed. I want to know more. And sug­gest a book to read if you haven’t read it already…

  2. thank you for tak­ing this big step out into this world. thank you for being so hon­est with your­self. thank you for being stronger than you give your­self cred­it for. thank you for under­stand­ing who i am.

    i know that in more ways than one, i’m blessed to have you in my life, and be at your feet.

  3. A book to read? I’m new to this, so for­give me if my sug­ges­tion is con­sid­ered rather basic, but I’d rec­om­mend read­ing The Loving Dominant by John Warren. The first few chap­ters gave me a good intro­duc­to­ry per­spec­tive on D/s, although I was also left with a lot of unan­swered ques­tions in my head. also has a lot of good arti­cles and essays that just seem to make a lot of sense to me, and give me an idea of long-term planning/development/goals.

  4. Ahh par­don my sen­tence frag­ments. I meant I had one for you to read. I love The Sleeping Beauty tri­ol­o­gy by A.N. Roquelaure (aka Anne Rice). I picked it up just sort of look­ing for an erot­i­ca book one day, and was unwit­ting­ly turned on to this lush world of BDSM. It’s intense, and I think an excel­lent read for some­one new to these things. I want to say ‘just go pick it up,’ and hope­ful­ly you will love it like I do. It seems the bad reviews it gets on are from peo­ple who have no idea about the depth in S&M and are real­ly turned off by it, call­ing it depraved, sick, and all sorts of oth­er unnces­sary adjec­tives.

    Just go buy it~ Trust me. :D

  5. I’ll def­i­nite­ly put those books on my read­ing list. Warren men­tions the work of Anne Rice as a good intro­duc­tion, but now I have a start­ing point with her. Even though my girl­friend sub­scribes to the Freudian school of thought in terms rela­tion­ships between men and women, I view a lot of aspects D/s in a non-sex­u­al way. But this isn’t to say that not a lot can be learned from what is con­sid­ered “erot­ic” lit­er­a­ture, espe­cial­ly when it relates to such a sex­u­al­ly charged lifestyle.

  6. Yeah, you know, a lot of reviews on from peo­ple that, again, hat­ed the book…and even some of the peo­ple that liked it, fail to real­ize that the sto­ry isn’t just about real­ly kinky sex. They claim there’s no char­ac­ter or plot devel­op­ment, and some­how miss the men­tal trans­for­ma­tion of one unwit­ting, inhib­it­ed and scared girl to some­one that feels like she can only be free in such a lifestyle. I dunno…I’m bad at artic­u­lat­ing these things. You’ll prob­a­bly like it.

    Also, Secretary, with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal is a good movie to watch about D/s. It’s been com­ing on HBO from time to time…it’s also 10 bucks at Best Buy.

  7. i dont sub­scribe to freud’s the­o­ries exclu­sive­ly sweet­heart. Things are not so cut and dry, black and white, hot and cold as it would be eas­i­er to believe… on some lev­els, i per­son­al­ly believe that most inter­ac­tions between men and women are indeed sex­u­al­ly fueled. I’m not talk­ing in “lifestyle” terms, i’m talk­ing busi­ness, every­day stuff. You know, as well as any­one dear, that this isnt about the sex for me… its about the deep­er con­nec­tion, the trust, the strength that it builds and the safe­ty it pro­vides.
    *steps off her soap box*

  8. I saw Secretary recent­ly for the first time actu­al­ly, and I admit that I would­n’t have had any idea what it was about with­out read­ing the first few chap­ters of The Loving Dominant. Even though it was more from the per­spec­tive of a sub, I still learned a lot from it.

    What I still need to learn, how­ev­er, is to stop speak­ing for oth­er peo­ple because I obvi­ous­ly don’t always get things right and end up look­ing like a bas­tard.

  9. The Sleeping Beauty tri­ol­o­gy is, I would say, almost exclu­sive­ly from the per­spec­tive of the sub as well… though the mas­ters the slaves deal with are all quite inter­est­ing, and in their actions there is much to be read. And lots and lots of spank­ings.

    Now I think I’m going to pick up the Loving Dominant. Perhaps hand it off to my boyfriend. I…am sort of alone in the way I’m attract­ed to BDSM, and cer­tain­ly am not liv­ing it as a lifestyle. My boyfriend par­tic­i­pat­ed once, and he took the role on sur­pris­ing­ly well and it was beau­ti­ful. But it seemed as though he got scared of him­self after­wards, like he was afraid he could be that way and that he might hurt me some­how. I just have to very slow­ly work him into things, I sup­pose. Now I’m ram­bling, but it’s nice to see some­one else trav­el­ing down this path. Yes.

  10. I’m think­ing that I should pick up the books after work…I’ve been look­ing at D/s from a high­ly intel­lec­tu­al­ized point of view, and doing this has cloud­ed my per­spec­tive. I see things rather cut and dry with­out the prop­er pas­sion that should be involved, when pas­sion is such an impor­tant part of the lifestyle. Due to this, my girl­friend finds the dis­cus­sions tedious instead of fun and inter­est­ing. Sometimes I’m not sure how to act or what to do, and I try to fig­ure things out on a cere­bral lev­el when I should be look­ing at things more basi­cal­ly. For exam­ple, I don’t think I would ever have under­stood the enjoy­ment with spank­ing if I just looked at it pure­ly on an intel­lec­tu­al lev­el. I real­ly had to try it to under­stand it.

    I’d still like to find some­thing from a Doms per­spec­tive though, because I think it would relate much more to what I’m going through. There are movies, such as Secretary, where a per­son dis­cov­ers her­self as a sub and the emo­tions that they go through, and I’d like to learn these things from the oth­er end of the spec­trum.

    There’s actu­al­ly a sec­tion in The Loving Dominant where Warren explains that his tar­get audi­ence is also novice Doms, and a part is actu­al­ly addressed to peo­ple who have been giv­en the book by their girlfriend/boyfriend because they’ve dis­cov­ered that this is some­thing that is need­ed in their lives.

  11. The Story of O is also a beau­ti­ful­ly writ­ten nov­el, trans­lat­ed from French writ­ten by Pauline Reage. The sto­ry is fan­tas­tic, in that its very fan­ta­sy dri­ven. Its very for­mal­ized, which is some­thing i enjoy tremen­dous­ly. Its quite explic­it at times and some may find it offen­sive or… per­haps a lit­tle too poignant (though in litu­ra­ture, i dont know how that is pos­si­ble, BUT i’ve heard it!)

    Its nor­mal­ly avail­able in chap­ters, its a sim­ple white soft cov­er.

    Oh, and by the way sweet­heart, i have the beau­ty tril­lo­gy, so dont go buy it(o=.

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