Yearly Archives: 2003

Moody Days, Y'z Dock, Etc.

I’ve been rather rest­less the last few days. I can’t seem to con­cen­trate, or do any­thing pro­duc­tive. I think it’s the fact that I’m so odd­ly mood­less, that I don’t feel like doing any­thing in par­tic­u­lar.

I feel…dirty. I’m unsat­is­fied with my XP theme, and I won’t have time to pol­ish it until the sum­mer. Whenever I try a new theme, it’s either not sim­ple and clean enough, or it’s too bright. I’m using the nxPro theme right now, with Y’z Dock to replace my short­cut icons, which is the sweet MacOS tool­bar for Windows XP, com­plete with trans­paren­cy and 32-bit icon sup­port.

I actu­al­ly for­got about a geo class I had ear­li­er this week. That wor­ries me, because I’ve nev­er for­got­ten a class before, even through high school. Usually when I skip some­thing, I’m very con­scious of my skip­ping it. This is one of the class­es that I can’t skip any­way though, so I’m a lit­tle wor­ried. Maybe it’s a sign of my get­ting old­er. I’ve always found myself to be very “con­scious” of things, and I almost nev­er for­got about any­thing. I remem­ber my dad telling me how some­times he would peel an orange, and then throw the orange in the garbage and start to nib­ble on the peel by mis­take. Scary.

A bunch of peo­ple are going out to the Honest Lawyer tomor­row to cel­e­brate Aaron’s and Iain’s birth­day. I have a cryp­tog­ra­phy pre­sen­ta­tion tomor­row as well, which might con­flict with the time every­one is meet­ing to have some din­ner. I’ll prob­a­bly present my sub­ject (I think I’m sec­ond out of four) and just leave. I’m sup­posed to stay for oth­er pre­sen­ta­tions for peer eval­u­a­tion, but hope­ful­ly my oth­er group mem­bers will cov­er for me.

Making The Best

I went out to cel­e­brate St. Patty’s day with Aaron, Wheaties, Trolley, and Nick. I had such a great time, that I can’t even begin to explain. There were so many enter­tain­ing parts to the night that I would­n’t be able to recall half of them. We did some drink­ing at Aaron’s place before going out, and the pub we even­tu­al­ly went to near­by was dead. The ser­vice was ter­ri­ble, the atmos­phere actu­al­ly worked in a neg­a­tive way, with a ter­ri­ble DJ and drunk­en bums, and the beer was­n’t even a rich shade of green, more of a pale watery colour. A good time was still had though, one of the best times of my life.

At one point, Trolley was chas­ing Aaron and I down a hill, with Nick in an aban­doned shop­ping cart being pushed in front of him.

I came upon a sort of epiphany though, not only through the events of the night, but through the con­ver­sa­tions we had. Everything made me real­ize how sim­ple my life has cur­rent­ly become, how I live for noth­ing but my friends, and a bit of hope.

If I was to die tomor­row, I would have no regrets, about any­thing in my life at all. I haven’t worked very hard to get where I am now, which includes a very com­fort­able lifestyle. I have been very lucky. I’ve been able to relax, and take things easy, and still go through high school and uni­ver­si­ty with­out being held back for fail­ing cours­es. I enjoy what I’m doing, I think I’ll enjoy where the present is tak­ing me. But if my life were to end, then so be it.

I won­der if any­one would find this mor­bid if they found out. It seems like I’ve accept­ed my death already, although there’s always the pos­si­bil­i­ty of a death scare cre­at­ing an urgent sense of alacrity in me. I can’t real­ly see that hap­pen­ing though. Sometimes sui­cide does­n’t sound that bad. There’s just no rea­son to live or die, so I accept what I’m giv­en, and make the best of it.

Perhaps this is the answer, as well as the mean­ing.

I've Been Busy

I was­n’t able to accom­plish any form of work today, and even though I feel com­plete­ly exhaust­ed, I have noth­ing to show for it. I did man­age to get my graph­ics pro­pos­al approved, how­ev­er, which will be to imple­ment a 3D Game of Life in OpenGL.

I went to Iain’s place yes­ter­day, since Jeff had to can­cel on me due to sick­ness, and we watched Rushmore. The walk home was great; the tem­per­a­ture was beau­ti­ful­ly brisk, and the fad­ing sun­set lin­gered in the dark­ened sky.

It was Pat’s birth­day today, but since I knew before­hand that I would­n’t be able to see him, I gave him a bot­tle of Huge Boss In Motion. I tried some of the oth­er colognes, but none of them seemed to fit him. Most of the brand names are very strong, so I find they don’t match the sub­tle pres­ence of most Asian indi­vid­u­als.

I got my RatpadGS today, and it works amaz­ing­ly well com­pared to my old mouse pad. I had no idea how much I had worn down the sur­face of the old one.

I went to my first NHL hock­ey game last week, and even though I’m a Leafs fan, I still enjoyed root­ing for the home team, watch­ing them win 3–2 in over­time. I’m sur­prised at how much small­er the rink looks com­pared to what it appears to be on TV. I had some great seats, and they only cost me $20.