Jealousy Revisited

Jealousy is not a famil­iar emo­tion to me. I’m nev­er jeal­ous of what some­one has, sim­ply because I dis­like com­par­ing oth­ers with myself in terms of what one may earn/deserve. It’s only in my rela­tion­ships which any sort of envi­ous emo­tions sur­face, and even then, such an oner­ous emo­tion hap­pens rarely to me.

Historically speak­ing, I’m gen­er­al­ly over-con­fi­dent, and such a mind­set cre­ates very wor­ry-free rela­tion­ships. It’s when I don’t have this con­fi­dence that my mind starts to won­der. In a way, this is my inse­cu­ri­ty get­ting the bet­ter of me. It feels so odd to have to fight off this emo­tion, to have to con­stant­ly remind myself and keep my feel­ings in check. It’s almost an extreme test of how far I’ve come in my goal to be a cere­bral per­son. When I try to calm myself down I can feel my mind evening out, like a melt­ing can­dle, lev­el­ing out from heat.

So far, my jeal­ousy has been eas­i­er to con­tain than I would have believed. Maybe I’m los­ing my inse­cu­ri­ties bet­ter than I know, and I’ve come fur­ther as a per­son than I real­ized. Because of my inex­pe­ri­ence with jeal­ousy, I do salute any jeal­ousy I expe­ri­ence as a mark of true love.

Perhaps some jeal­ousy is a good thing.

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