Well, things just can’t get any better.
Yesterday I found out that my contract, which expires in December, will most likely not be renewed. This could mean that I will be out of a job when I graduate, since my position will be filled by a full-time employee. If things get busier at the office, then I might be asked to come back again. Until then, I might not know. The availability of a full-time position will not be known until next years budgeting comes around, which is usually around March.
This afternoon, I also found out that my grandmother passed away. I didn’t find out any of the details, which is one of the few times that I’m glad of my ignorance. It saddens me that I didn’t get to see her one last time, to show her that I cared about her, the next opportunity being within a months time. Yet she didn’t last the wait, and my chance, twice passing, has been missed. My parents will be attending the ceremonies by flying to Hong Kong on Tuesday. I haven’t cried yet, and I probably won’t.
And apparently, according to some Chinese tradition, the death of a loved one means that one cannot visit any other family members within 49 days of the death. Which means that I won’t be able to go to Hong Kong for Christmas vacation, something which I’ve been looking forward to with unspeakable pleasure. The tradition is not something that I would generally honour, given the circumstances, but since it is important to my other grandmother, I easily, stoically abide by the rules of the funeral ceremony.
I will miss the Christmas lights and spirit, the cooler, more tolerable weather. I will miss my chance to purchase a much needed leather jacket, to buy presents for my friends, to do some much needed relaxation.
But what can I do? Feel sorry for myself? I believe that this is the worst string of news I’ve ever had. There just doesn’t seem to be any act I can accomplish to make this pain go away, except for talking about it. So many things have fallen apart within the last 24 hours, so many things being changed. There just doesn’t seem to be much to live for right now, since I generally tend to simply live day-to-day.
It’s hard for me to understand what I should be thinking or feeling right now. Everything just seems so numb. I guess things have just come so suddenly, and caught me by surprise.
I’m really at a loss for words.