Living With A Cat

I’m extreme­ly tired. My kit­ten kept me up all night. She took the mid­dle of the bed, so I kin­da had to sleep around her. I kept wak­ing up, every time I need­ed to shift posi­tions, scared that I would crush her. I’ve been play­ing with her dur­ing the evening so she los­es a bit of the noc­tur­nal instinct to go crazy at night. I named her Dolly, after Nobokov’s char­ac­ter Dolores Haze. I need­ed to keep the name under two syl­la­bles, and I think that it’s a good sym­bol of the way one can nev­er tell whether a cat or human is the mas­ter, just as you could­n’t tell whether Dolores or Humber was in con­trol.

I feel so unor­ga­nized. I have so many things to do it seems. Take care of this, take care of that. I think that I’ve brought a lot of respon­si­bil­i­ty on myself, adopt­ing a kit­ten, apply­ing for a Big Brother posi­tion, doing this and doing that. I think that I feel much more mature and impor­tant when I do all this. Perhaps it’s a cry for atten­tion, but I doubt it. It feels like I’m sud­den­ly being over­loaded with things to do. I did­n’t fin­ish a sin­gle one of the three assign­ments that I had due this week. I’ve actu­al­ly been los­ing sleep, which is an extreme­ly rare thing for me.

I felt so guilty about those assign­ments. I’m pret­ty sure that I failed one of them. I just need to keep every­thing in per­spec­tive, some­thing that Sam taught me so long ago it seems. Everything feels so chaot­ic, spi­ral­ing out­wards like Yeats’ fal­con from the fal­con­er. Not that I think the Second Coming as at hand, of course, but things just seem so com­pli­cat­ed right now. They’re noth­ing com­pared to oth­er peo­ples’ prob­lems, I know, but I’m not use to being so respon­si­ble.

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