The last time I saw my therapist, I said I hope I’d never see him again. That would mean everything was okay.
It’s been about two months now. A lot of the healing I’ve been doing lately has been about not blaming myself for the past. Tragedy and pain are easier to accept when there’s a reason. Often, it was easiest to deal with both if I was that reason, even though it wouldn’t leave me feeling very good about myself.
But sometimes there are no answers, nothing to point the finger at when things fall apart. Looking back on old plans and important people, given the knowledge I had at each stage in my life, I realize I would have done everything exactly the same, every single time. Understanding that has given me a sense of self-respect again, and helped me come to terms a lot of things I found difficult to get over.
That’s life, a series of things that are out of your control coupled with the ability to deal with the things that have happened.
The former can’t be changed, leaving the latter totally up to us to handle. Some people have it lucky that they don’t have to do so much, some of us are left with damage control in its wake. However I’ve found that when you realise what kind of choices matters most in your life, that damage control becomes the ball that sets yourself up for better events in the end.
Takes time and a little trial and error, especially when you’re beginning to understand the rules of the game through a new perspective, but I can promise you it’s worth it.
Heh, self-respect, that’s something you can only get for yourself, no one else can give it to you. I’m proud of you man.
Do you think some people are truly lucky because they don’t have too much damage to control? Lately I’ve been feeling like everyone carries their own burden, but some are better prepared to handle it, whether it’s with resources or aptitude.
I can understand what you’re saying about how we deal with things opening new possibilities, but I’ve been failing in that regard. It seems like a sense of self-respect can only do so much.
That’s the paradox with moving on from a negative perspective in life. How can we replace something which we have held on to so long.
It’s another form of loss, that letting go of what makes us sad and that ironically…makes us sad.
My advice is baby steps, like therapy. Find the joys of the small pleasures and do your best to disregard people’s perspectives on what happiness should be about.
You are responsible for your own happiness and as such you need to define your own small goals, your own selfishness no matter how odd it would be. Self respect after all is earned, even in ourselves and its something that requires a little bit of effort.
Don’t worry though, if you chew off bite sized chunks, you can slip into that habit in no time. It just needs to start by being content for the things you know you’re good at doing.
Very difficult concept to grasp. Also very difficult to understand not everyone or everything has the same motive or direction or understanding of what life is or should be.
only things we cant try to remember is that as much as we want things in our life to be permanent, nothing in life is not even life it self everything is always changing.
The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered “Man.… Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
The only way I find to make the damage less of a damage that affects normal functioning is by carving out a path that shapes me in a more significant way than the damaged past has on my life.
I would say that everyone is damaged. Some are ignorant of the damage. Just like having a sheltered and protected life is a form of damage.
I’d say that most are ignorant to the damage, and I don’t exclude myself from that group.