old heroes and new lives

My entries used to be filled with so many details, moments, thoughts, and emo­tions. I used to believe every­thing I wrote was impor­tant. Not that I was ever a par­tic­u­lar­ly good writer, only a per­son try­ing to be hon­est with him­self, and that was the way for me to sort out the things in my head.

Now that need isn’t there any­more. Instead, I write to keep track of where I am, know­ing that in time I’ll be won­der­ing how far I’ve gone, and let my pic­tures fill in the blanks.

Banc Sushi and cleavage

On my birth­day, Lisa treat­ed me to all-you-can-eat sushi at my favourite restau­rant, and cleav­age.

The new Leonard Cohen biog­ra­phy is out and Genevieve tells me it’s amaz­ing, or at least a great deal more infor­ma­tive than the course we took last year at Ottawa U about the birth of the roman­tic trou­ba­dour. I used to be com­plete­ly obsessed with this man, but now I can’t remem­ber the last time I put on one of his albums for a straight lis­ten through. I knew he was com­ing to Ottawa this Friday before tick­ets went on sale, but nev­er both­ered try­ing to get my hands on one, even though it used to be a goal of mine to see him per­form live before the booze and sex took him like a true rock­star. He rep­re­sents a part of my past I hard­ly relate to now, and it’s left me feel­ing like I need a new hero (who has some very big shoes to fill).

birthday boy

Little boy’s birth­day par­ties involve a lit­tle less sexy and a lot more chaos.

I have so many friends with their paths set out for them over next 20-odd years cause of jobs and kids, yet just as many who’ve arrived at adult­hood and are now won­der­ing what’s next. After find­ing a career, buy­ing a house, and get­ting mar­ried, they’re learn­ing that these were goals they nev­er want­ed for them­selves, only things peo­ple have always been telling them they should have. Now they’re won­der­ing where to go from here, and how to find a true sense of ful­fil­ment.

I went through the same cri­sis years ago, but feel no less uncer­tain about the future at this point. It’s only nat­ur­al to go through con­stant cycles of strug­gle and res­o­lu­tion if we’re deter­mined to grow and improve, not to men­tion the curves life tends to throw at us. I’m start­ing to view it with a sense of free­dom instead of doubt.


  1. Much more sushi than cleav­age. I love this pho­to and how you’ve cap­tured our silli­ness.

  2. Great pho­to. Well cap­tured. I Like the clas­sic jack­et. With a face like that she does­n’t need to dress like she’s from out­er space to look good.

    Maybe one’s meant to find a career, buy a house, and get mar­ried first, and then go find a true sense of ful­fil­ment. Some say that one should stop work­ing at the age of 40 (i.e. finan­cial­ly sta­ble) and take a step back to fig­ure out what to do with the rest of one’s life.

    On changes, in Downton Abbey Mr. Carson said some­thing like,“If life does­n’t change you, what’s the mean­ing of liv­ing.” Something to pon­der on :)

    • I sup­pose it is bet­ter to have dis­cov­ered how emp­ty and mate­r­i­al one’s goals are their 20s than even lat­er in life. And it’s some­thing you’d prob­a­bly only be able to real­ize after reach­ing those goals.

      I did­n’t know you saw Downton Abbey. I’ve been hear­ing lots of good things about it. It’s cur­rent­ly on my to-watch list.

      • Some crit­ics liken Downton Abbey to the Chinese clas­sic Dream of the Red Chamber.

  3. I don’t think it’s so much that one’s goals are mate­r­i­al when one is young; rather you’re just dead set on act­ing out what you’ve been told is right and good for you. They just nev­er tell you it might not be right for YOU par­tic­u­lar­ly.

    But you have lots of the cre­ative in what you do, that will sus­tain you whether in or out of work.

    • Yeah, I think you’re right there. Those kinds of gener­ic goals are a good foun­da­tion for liv­ing per­haps, and may give one the sta­bil­i­ty one needs to pur­sue the goals that tru­ly make one hap­py. But they nev­er tell you that.

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