old heroes and new lives

My entries used to be filled with so many details, moments, thoughts, and emotions. I used to believe everything I wrote was important. Not that I was ever a particularly good writer, only a person trying to be honest with himself, and that was the way for me to sort out the things in my head.

Now that need isn’t there anymore. Instead, I write to keep track of where I am, knowing that in time I’ll be wondering how far I’ve gone, and let my pictures fill in the blanks.

Banc Sushi and cleavage

On my birthday, Lisa treated me to all-you-can-eat sushi at my favourite restaurant, and cleavage.

The new Leonard Cohen biography is out and Genevieve tells me it’s amazing, or at least a great deal more informative than the course we took last year at Ottawa U about the birth of the romantic troubadour. I used to be completely obsessed with this man, but now I can’t remember the last time I put on one of his albums for a straight listen through. I knew he was coming to Ottawa this Friday before tickets went on sale, but never bothered trying to get my hands on one, even though it used to be a goal of mine to see him perform live before the booze and sex took him like a true rockstar. He represents a part of my past I hardly relate to now, and it’s left me feeling like I need a new hero (who has some very big shoes to fill).

birthday boy

Little boy’s birthday parties involve a little less sexy and a lot more chaos.

I have so many friends with their paths set out for them over next 20-odd years cause of jobs and kids, yet just as many who’ve arrived at adulthood and are now wondering what’s next. After finding a career, buying a house, and getting married, they’re learning that these were goals they never wanted for themselves, only things people have always been telling them they should have. Now they’re wondering where to go from here, and how to find a true sense of fulfilment.

I went through the same crisis years ago, but feel no less uncertain about the future at this point. It’s only natural to go through constant cycles of struggle and resolution if we’re determined to grow and improve, not to mention the curves life tends to throw at us. I’m starting to view it with a sense of freedom instead of doubt.


  1. Much more sushi than cleavage. I love this photo and how you’ve captured our silliness.

  2. Great photo. Well captured. I Like the classic jacket. With a face like that she doesn’t need to dress like she’s from outer space to look good.

    Maybe one’s meant to find a career, buy a house, and get married first, and then go find a true sense of fulfilment. Some say that one should stop working at the age of 40 (i.e. financially stable) and take a step back to figure out what to do with the rest of one’s life.

    On changes, in Downton Abbey Mr. Carson said something like,”If life doesn’t change you, what’s the meaning of living.” Something to ponder on :)

    • I suppose it is better to have discovered how empty and material one’s goals are their 20s than even later in life. And it’s something you’d probably only be able to realize after reaching those goals.

      I didn’t know you saw Downton Abbey. I’ve been hearing lots of good things about it. It’s currently on my to-watch list.

      • Some critics liken Downton Abbey to the Chinese classic Dream of the Red Chamber.

  3. I don’t think it’s so much that one’s goals are material when one is young; rather you’re just dead set on acting out what you’ve been told is right and good for you. They just never tell you it might not be right for YOU particularly.

    But you have lots of the creative in what you do, that will sustain you whether in or out of work.

    • Yeah, I think you’re right there. Those kinds of generic goals are a good foundation for living perhaps, and may give one the stability one needs to pursue the goals that truly make one happy. But they never tell you that.

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