nothing's burning

I feel so dis­con­nect­ed from the world late­ly. It’s not like I don’t have friends who care so much that they make me feel unwor­thy of the atten­tion. I just don’t relate to any­one around me. People with their lives on rails when I feel as uncer­tain as ever. It’s like I haven’t joined their world yet, this world of sta­bil­i­ty and reg­u­lar­i­ty, where every­thing just falls into place.

shadows outside a pub

Do pix­ie cuts ever make up for smok­er’s hands?

I watch the movies that used to stir the depths of my emo­tions, lis­ten to the songs that would grab my heart and clench to the beat in hopes that I’ll feel some­thing more than this. Every night, every snow­fall, every pho­to­graph is telling me that some­thing needs to change, and I’m left try­ing to fig­ure out what or when or how it’s going to hap­pen.


  1. Wow. Same here, man. You’re not alone.
    But it will pass, we will found our zen mood I guess. :)

    • I’m not sure it feels so zen to me…I imag­ine that if it was a zen mood, I would­n’t feel like a change is need­ed. If you felt that way, would you even want the feel­ing to pass?

  2. Why do you want a life on rails?
    Aren’t you already in one?

    • I need a cer­tain amount of sta­bil­i­ty to pro­vide me with the foun­da­tion I need to do more explor­ing. I guess it’s some­what iron­ic that I need a com­fort zone in order to step out of it.

      But it’s not like things aren’t sta­ble at the moment. They’re just not sta­ble enough.

      • It’s a very alien thought for me… and defies log­ic. I am pret­ty per­plexed by the need for sta­bil­i­ty and repet­i­tive­ness and feels uncom­fort­able when repeat­ing things. Sounds like some­thing that requires fur­ther explor­ing and reflec­tion.

  3. I don’t think any­one who looks like they’re on the rails real­ly has every­thing tucked in the win­dows. Somewhere there is always a loose caboose.

    • That’s a good point, and I do keep in mind that not every­one open­ly talks about their prob­lems. You nev­er know what’s real­ly going on behind closed doors, so I try not to assume that every­one else is just hap­py and wor­ry-free and so dif­fer­ent from me.

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