a short break in adolescence

I’ve been feel­ing like an adult.

This isn’t due to my fis­cal respon­si­bil­i­ties or my tidy home or any oth­er things I used to use as a mea­sure for matu­ri­ty, but from feel­ing like every­thing makes sense. Like I have all the answers the way adults seem to do, because I can see the big pic­ture, I under­stand what tru­ly mat­ters, and I don’t sweat the small things anymore.

It’s only now that I’m at a point where I feel like a grown up. Like this is final­ly who I’ll be for the rest of my life.

That’s not to say I’ve fin­ished grow­ing, that I’m not human or infal­li­ble, but there aren’t the same strug­gles or changes that I used to have, so my emo­tions and atti­tudes have evened out.

For a while I won­dered if I’d just become anoth­er turn­ing-30 cliché, but I real­ized it was nev­er about age. Various things have brought me to this matu­ri­ty, from con­ver­sa­tions to rela­tion­ships to trips far away. It all hap­pened to be around the begin­ning of a new decade in my life.

Maybe I’ve been feel­ing this way only because things are going so well. It’ll take some hard­ship to test how far I’ve tru­ly come as an adult, but until then I’ll try to live like a child, cause too often youth is wast­ed on the young.

6 comments

  1. I think adults don’t have all the answers, they just know there’re no absolute answers. They realise that a person’s virtues and strengths are often also his or her vices and weak­nessess. So adults should be less fas­tid­i­ous and more relaxed. 

    If you don’t feel uptight about speak­ing French or Cantonese with a for­eign accent, that’s a good sign. Foreign accents can be charm­ing. If you’re O.K. with being served with eggs that are not a mul­ti­ple of 2, that’s a good sign. All in all, being seri­ous­ly unse­ri­ous, or vice ver­sa, is a good sign. Well, that’s my take of it.

    • I didn’t quite mean that adults lit­er­al­ly have all the answers, only that they seem to know every­thing and be invul­ner­a­ble when we’re young and look­ing up to them. That’s the posi­tion I find myself in late­ly, where I’m look­ing towards this new found strength and matu­ri­ty as the child I used to be.

  2. I believe you’ve faced your hard­est chal­lenge and it’s behind you.
    You will be a tougher, smarter man, and I believe you’ll do well for yourself.
    Now: Don’t for­get to PLAY!~

    • It’s fun­ny, I nev­er real­ly thought of any­thing as being the most dif­fi­cult chal­lenge, but when I con­sid­er the time and heartache, I can’t help but agree.

  3. feel­ing like every­thing makes sense. Like I have all the answers the way adults seem to do, because I can see the big pic­ture, I under­stand what tru­ly mat­ters, and I don’t sweat the small things anymore

    I think I’m actu­al­ly cry­ing because I’ve nev­er heard it so plain­ly described, and so defin­i­tive­ly plain for me to see that it’s a place I have yet to come to, and one that feels so out of reach. I’m 29. I’ll be 30 in 6-ish months… we’re not that far apart in age. Why does it feel like often sense is as far from my reach as China or win­ning 20million? 

    I firm­ly believe youth is wast­ed on the young, because they nev­er real­ly do real­ize what they have when they have it, and squan­der some of the most won­drous times of their lives try­ing to be old­er, act old­er, act wis­er, talk smarter, look more mature than they ever are, to real­ly find the most mag­ic in that age… I like your per­spec­tive. But I also envy the fact that you feel like you’ve fig­ured it out. Maybe it’ll be the same for me in my 30s… 

    Age may not have come into play with your life, but large­ly on the whole, age has a lot to do with it for the gen­er­al pop­u­lace. The major­i­ty of 21 year olds are com­plete and utter idiots. I’m sure the same could be said of many 41 year olds, but I wouldn’t cred­it the entire demo­graph­ic as being retard­ed in the same way teens or young adults are.

    Anyway…

    I’m very hap­py for you, Jeff.

    PS. I saw the Tea tray things I sent you for Christmas that one year at my favorite upscale mar­ket, and it total­ly made me think of you.

    Cheers.

    • I don’t think you’re far away in terms of matu­ri­ty. It takes a lot of wis­dom to come to the real­iza­tions you have. Perhaps you just need a lit­tle push, the right inspi­ra­tion, the prop­er epiphany to cross that line (if such a line can ever be defined). As you say, the old can be as stu­pid and imma­ture as the young, so age has noth­ing to do with it.

      (I total­ly need to buy more Tea Forte bags to use with those trays.)

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