You’re my big bear

and that means you’d get a big bear hug the next time I see you, but they say you’ve shattered your rib cage, lost a pile of teeth, and broken every bone on the right side of your body, save the arm.

I’ve been there man. You know that. That’s why you know I’ll never judge you for what happened. You told me we could always talk cause you were once on the edge of the same blade, so you should have known the same, but you didn’t pick up when he said maybe there was a better chance you’d listen to me. All I could do was sit there, trying to keep calm, but expecting the next call to be about a body.

I should be angry. Not cause you didn’t call me to say goodbye before you took off, but because you hurt yourself and you’re my brother, and that means you hurt my family.

I can’t stay mad cause you’re conscious now, your vitals are stable, there’s no brain damage, and relief has surpassed anger. They say it’s mainly injuries to the bones and that bones heal, long as it may take.

Will I recognize you the next time I see you? Will I cry? Will you ever understand how scared I was? I can’t call cause the nurse needs to be by your side, and I can’t visit yet cause only immediate family are allowed for now. Otherwise, I’d be in a car, driving down there with a case of Blue ready for you when you’re out.

I don’t want to worry anymore. I want to see with my own eyes that you’re okay. I want you drunk at my wedding with your cap on backwards, screaming your ass off when I walk down the aisle. I want you at every New Year’s party, cause you’re one of the only reasons I go anymore. I want you to teach my kids how put someone in a proper choke-hold cause they should know how to take care of themselves, and you’re smart in all the ways I’m not.

We all need you as much as I do. That’s why you’re still alive, and that’s what I’m going to make you understand one day.

One comment

  1. Oh geez. I’m so very sorry. Best thoughts.

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