Relationship Drama

Whenever I’m catch­ing up with my mar­ried friends, it feels like I’m the only one talk­ing. I felt real­ly self-cen­tered, until I real­ized I’m the only one with any updates. Aside from some con­struc­tion or new fur­ni­ture, they don’t have any news, much less, dra­ma.

I won­der if I’ll ever be set­tled like them. If my life will ever be dra­ma-free, with­out all the insta­bil­i­ty in my rela­tion­ships, both good and bad.


  1. I won­der, is it real­ly because they have no updates or the kind of life that they lead is com­plete­ly dif­fer­ent from peo­ple who are sin­gle?

    I find that for the most part, peo­ple who are mar­ried tend to be around oth­er mar­ried peo­ple as well because the kind of life they expe­ri­ence is much more dif­fer­ent than those that are still sin­gle.

    Even the kind of rela­tion­ship I have right now, I find it hard to talk about it to peo­ple much less sin­gle friends. It’s not that there isn’t any dra­ma or excite­ment, it’s just that it’s a dif­fer­ent lev­el of it alto­geth­er.

    Maybe they were just spar­ing you any updates of a mar­ried life because they think you might feel left out or unable to under­stand what they are talk­ing about.

    • Hmmmm…that’s a good point. I’m not sure about that, but I sus­pect they don’t lead lives that are too dif­fer­ent from mine, even those who have kids. Of course, there’s no way to tell for sure unless one was observ­ing for a full 24 hours I’d say. :)

  2. I just saw this on Paulo Coelho’s blog today: When night falls, part of the soul com­plains that noth­ing dif­fer­ent was expe­ri­enced, but anoth­er part is con­tent – para­dox­i­cal­ly, it is for the same rea­son.

    I hear you on hav­ing updates though, but per­haps it’s also a func­tion of being sin­gle — more free time to ded­i­cate to your­self, pur­su­ing inter­ests, roman­tic and oth­er­wise.

    • I bet you’re right about free time. I can’t imag­ine being able to do near­ly as many things (not just writ­ing, but per­son­al projects as well that con­sume much of my time) if my ener­gy was focused on a rela­tion­ship.

  3. Would you like to hear my mar­ried life dra­ma? I bet you I can talk more than you can :)

    • Okay, maybe my mar­ried friends just don’t tell me about their dra­ma. :)

  4. or they just can’t talk freely in front of one anoth­er to avoid being con­tra­dict­ed and ensu­ing ugly scene being dis­played?

    don’t know about the par­tic­u­lar peo­ple you had in mind…

    might be their cre­ative ener­gy is used on each oth­er with noth­ing left to extend to dra­mas?


    a mat­ter of turn tak­ing? the way the rhythm of that hap­pened to have hap­pened? where each hap­pened to be in life?

    • Well, if my par­ents are any indi­ca­tion, it’s pos­si­ble that they’ll fight right up until the door of a friends’ house, and then they’ll be per­fect­ly civ­il. So maybe my mar­ried friends are just good about hid­ing it (though I’m more like­ly to believe that, as the hon­ey moon stages of their rela­tion­ships, they just have good rela­tion­ships right now).

  5. Whenever I catch up with my sin­gle friends, I feel real­ly bor­ing.

    • Your com­ment reminds me of this XKCD com­ic; I sup­pose that kind of bore­dom is “the price you pay for ever­last­ing love”.

      • It’s a trade-off: I don’t feel any bore­dom with­in the rela­tion­ship, and when talk­ing to oth­er cou­ples there’s a lot to say; but some­how my sin­gle friends aren’t as inter­est­ed in DIY pot racks, home­made vanil­la extract, and Trek marathons (I sus­pect find­ing that last one excit­ing has noth­ing to do with being sin­gle or not).

      • Sorry, I did­n’t mean absolute bore­dom, just that one does­n’t get the same excite­ment of the unknown and unex­pect­ed when in the com­fort­ing famil­iar­i­ty of a rela­tion­ship.

        I sup­pose I should be thank­ful that my mar­ried friends leave these kinds of sub­jects to themselves…though I can’t imag­ine them being any more inter­est­ing if I was mar­ried too.

      • Awhile ago, I could­n’t imag­ine them being inter­est­ing either. Evolution has turned me into a nester.

  6. My sin­gle self was much more excit­ing. And near­ly sui­ci­dal­ly unhap­py.

    Marriage is, if pleas­ant, often sub­se­quent­ly bor­ing to oth­ers in terms of what you have to say. I’m hap­py to say I’m pret­ty much of a big bore these days. An IDEAL mar­riage, I would think, would be two peo­ple able to take risks togeth­er (like start­ing a busi­ness togeth­er or some­thing). I have not arrived at that yet, it seems a lux­u­ry I can’t get to. Still hop­ing.

    Upside: People with kids have it much worse. They’ll talk to you end­less­ly about their kids’ feed­ing sched­ules and sleep­less nights and that kind of non­dra­ma. Now THAT’s bor­ing.

    • Hhahahah…such a dichoto­my in being sin­gle. Just goes to show you that both sides have their advan­tages and ben­e­fits. I’m sure I would­n’t be writ­ing near­ly as much if I was with some­one right now, and even more sure that I’d miss all that cre­ativ­i­ty and inspi­ra­tion.

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