Usually, when people ask me why it was so special, I say “When it worked, it worked really well”.
What I really mean to say is,
“It was the way her kisses would travel down my spine. The way she wore her hair differently every time I saw her. The way her cheeks would round so endearingly when she truly laughed. The way she could look beautiful wearing dresses, or jeans, or my old pajamas. The way the tantalizing golden down traveled along her lower back. The way her body felt against mine when I pulled her close.
It was because she brought me green tea bubble bath when I was home sick for three days with strep throat. Cause she loved trying new things, like taro dumplings, and ha gow and sui mai and tofu flower, and bubble tea. Cause she would buy me bengal spice tea, and hand creams, and soaps, and flowers for no reason in particular.
It was because she liked taking photos of me too. Cause she would remember the things I wanted when mentioning them in passing so she could look them up and buy them for me later. Cause she truly appreciated the gifts that I gave her. Cause she spent so long preparing for my birthday last year, even though she knows I don’t celebrate it. Cause she helped me seek therapy for my anxiety issues. Cause she came with me to concerts when I didn’t want to go alone. Cause she loved The Mars Volta and Shane Watt as much as I do.
It was the way she could create so many beautiful things with her hands, using paint or chalk or toner or lead or metal or chocolate. The way she supported me and my photography. The way we would take turns choosing movies and watched them together, even though our tastes were so different. The way she got along with my friends and loved my cat.
In her, I had found the person I was looking for my whole life, and she held me captive every moment we were together.”
But I never do.
Everytime you write these touching entries, I always wonder who it is and how come it didn’t work out. I know that is not for you to share, but I do love reading your thoughts and knowing how in touch you are with your feelings and even if you don’t say it, you write it, and it’s still so beautiful.
Thanks, Soph. Sometimes, writing these things is the only way I can sort out my feelings, or get it out of my system. I’m glad others are able to share, relate, and appreciate them, even if the person they were meant for can’t.
Beautiful entry, Jeff. It resonates on so many levels.
Thanks, Jason. I had no idea that my words were so universal.
For me, your words describe similar and familiar moments in my own past. I think we discussed this before — I’m pretty sure we’re attracted to similar types of women.
Have you seen 500 Days of Summer? Your entry reminds me of a scene in which the protagonist is describing everything he loves about a girl.
Hah, I don’t remember discussing that our tastes in women are the same, only our personalities. But that makes TOTAL SENSE. It’s the same as not truly knowing someone until you fight them, but the opposite for us; we don’t truly know someone until we love them or they love us.
I haven’t seen that movie, but I’m going to download it this weekend. There have been many things I’ve done or said, that I later found out was in a romantic movie. I don’t know what to make of it.
You’re right — I think I just automatically assumed it given everything else we have in common.
You could probably write a pretty compelling screenplay out of things you’ve done or said. :)
I already have something in the works. Shhhhhhh. ;)
Ahh. One day I wish my husband could somehow put into words how he feels about me, that will make me sigh and pine for him again just as freshly as I did when we first started dating.
This is an intense… intense.. I can’t put it into words right now myself.
Thank you.
You know what, I also wish my significant other would one day write stuff like this about me.