Monthly Archives: September 2005

Awakening: Introduction

Sharpen a blade too much
  and its edge will soon be lost
Fill a house with gold and jade
  and no one can protect it
Puff yourself with honor and pride
  and no one can save you from a fall

—Verse Nine, Tao Te Ching

Every time I start to write, I’m led back to this. It would appear that it’s time to express myself. Perhaps I’m ready. It feels like I’m only scratching the surface, trying to cover aspects of something that I have yet to understand. In the shower I decided to split this into several entries of a series, and in my room the lights are all on.

There’s been more instability in the last month than in the last three years of my life combined. Everything I knew, everything I believed in, has been turned upside-down. Although I’m still trying to figure out what happened, the fact of the matter is that there was a long, drawn-out crisis. This crisis, which appears to have passed, still affects my thoughts, my actions, and my beliefs.

Even though I don’t completely have my feet on the ground, it feels like I’m comfortable enough to explore what’s happened now. This is not an easy task. A single, seemingly innocuous thought can end up breaking the strands of the delicate web I’m treading.

If I can get it all down, I’ll know I’ve gone that far at least.

The Awakening Series

  1. Introduction
  2. Cause
  3. The Reborn Dreamer

Hurricane Katrina Left Me With Nothing

It’s Friday, and Hurricane Katrina, more than 2000 kilometres away, has thrown cold winds and scattered showers over parts of Southern Ontario, Quebec, and New Brunswick. As I step outside to grill something on the barbeque, the cats quickly run to the screen door. They temporarily forget that they’re enemies, that they normally can’t walk past each other without a swipe or a hiss, and sit side-by-side to carefully smell the damp wind coming through.

People name hurricanes after their former lovers. The headlines are always the same:

After cheating with co-worker, Hurricane Camille leaves 250 dead from Louisiana to Virginia

$400 million dollars in damage and 1145 fatalities as Hurricane Gordon weaves through the Caribbean and takes half my CD collection with him before disappearing in his Camaro.

The cats know that something has happened. They can tell that this weather is coming from somewhere else, and that many have been affected, the way some dogs know that their owners are dating the wrong people and won’t stop defending them with their lips drawn back in a snarl.

But all the cats can do is sit and sniff.