I don’t like Nickelback. I don’t like them so much that I don’t even both­er cap­i­tal­iz­ing the name of their “band” or putting a link to their site. That’s because they suck. They’re pris­sy fucks play­ing watered down rock. All their songs sound the same, and this is proof.

Listen with head­phones because it’s two dif­fer­ent Nickelback songs, one on each chan­nel. And yet, it’s not two dif­fer­ent songs. Why? Because the tim­ing, chord pro­gres­sion, even cer­tain melod­ic parts are exact­ly the same. Both start with a voice and gui­tar, both end with a fade out that last the same amount of time. The list of sim­i­lar­i­ties go on and on.

Usually, play­ing two dif­fer­ent songs at the same time, even if they’re both by the same band, will sound all messed up if only a sin­gle part is dif­fer­ent, even just a sin­gle note in the bass line. That’s because good musi­cians take the time to devel­op songs, come up with new motifs, maybe even exper­i­ment. But not this. This is just Nickelback with a fuller sound. It’s so sad that it’s enter­tain­ing. I can’t stop lis­ten­ing. This should be hap­pen­ing at every show.

Once I was dat­ing some­one who bought a Nickelback album when we were com­ing up to the 1.5 year mark. I did­n’t see it com­ing at all. I mean, she liked David Usher, which is under­stand­able because he’s hot and comes out with decent mate­r­i­al, but there was no warn­ing of Nickelback. I was dev­as­tat­ed. I was crushed. Heartbroken. She might as well have said, “HEY GUESS WHAT I BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF SOME KID TODAY BUT ONLY BECAUSE SHE WAS OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS HAPPENING AND TOO YOUNG TO DEFEND HERSELF”.