Monthly Archives: February 2003

Emotional Rollercoaster, More Mid-Terms, Etc.

This week has been such an emo­tion­al roller coast­er. I can’t describe the odd moods I’ve been in, the twists and turns my mind has been going in. I feel lost.

I have three mid-terms tomor­row, one of which I feel con­fi­dent about. I tried des­per­ate­ly to study dur­ing the three days I had off, and only one of them (today) had any progress what­so­ev­er. I think it’s just my study envi­ron­ment, com­bined with my cur­rent emo­tion­al fluc­tu­a­tions. I tried to study in the SITE build­ing today, watched the sun go from east to west, and felt my mela­tonin lev­els drop. I feel burned out already. I def­i­nite­ly need this read­ing week.

Speaking of which, I most like­ly won’t be going home for the week. I’ll prob­a­bly try to hang out with Trolley or Thom. I don’t have time to change the dates on my train tick­ets, or even get a new ISIC. I’m not even sure if I’m elli­gi­ble, since I’m a part-time stu­dent when not con­sid­er­ing my hon­ours project as a course.

My progress through Moby Dick has been non-exis­tent late­ly.

I’ll have to catch the Married with Children reunion spe­cial on Sunday. I always found the show to be amus­ing when I was a kid, though I nev­er laughed out loud as I would if watch­ing a fun­ny show nowa­days, like Family Guy. I think I was just mys­ti­fied by the open­ness with which the sex­u­al­i­ty was dealt with, some­thing that I nev­er grew up around. I’m sure the spe­cial will remind me of the sum­mers I spent at home long ago, some­thing I’d rather remem­ber for my inno­cence than my igno­rance.

I’m down­load­ing Full Metal Jacket. I still can’t get over how bril­liant the entire film was, pos­si­bly the best dis­play of genius on film I’ve seen so far. I still haven’t decid­ed whether I should buy it though, since it’s not quite a movie I can relate to, which is gen­er­al­ly the cri­te­ria I use to build my col­lec­tion.

The Urgency For Antipathy

I think I’ve been struck with an even greater need for antipa­thy than before, but this is no plea­sur­able need. My mind burns with painful ideas, and it knots my stom­ach. I feel awk­ward think­ing about it every time.

I need antipa­thy to feel nor­mal again. To know that I am worth some­thing. Why must I find out so much about some­thing that pains me so much? Perhaps I sim­ply think about the sit­u­a­tion too much, and I’ve become hyper-sen­si­tive to it. Yes, that’s prob­a­bly it.

Hope is the mind­killer.

Spoiled Food, Chinese Accents, Etc.

I for­got to plug in my freez­er after dis­con­nect­ing it to free up a spot on the pow­er sock­et on Saturday, so basi­cal­ly all my food has gone bad. I still have some break­fast and lunch food in the refrig­er­a­tor, but that’s about it. I won’t be able to do much gro­cery shop­ping this week due to all the shit I have to get done, and the most con­ve­nient store for me to get to is closed until the fall, so I’m pret­ty much fucked, food-wise, for a few days.

I can’t stand what peo­ple believe are Chinese accents. Every time I hear one from a North American source, the accent can’t be fur­ther from real­ism. Every time a Chinese per­son is on the Simpson’s, or a Crank Yankers prank call from a Chinese guy, or even the fuck­ing Chinese peo­ple speak in C&C: Generals, I get pissed off. Why don’t they just get an actu­al Chinese per­son to do the accent? The accents are not even close to what a nasty Chinese per­son sounds like. It’s like they have to tone down the accent so that peo­ple can rec­og­nize it (let alone under­stand what the per­son is say­ing), and so that it can be accept­ed by the gen­er­al pub­lic.

Speaking of C&C: Generals, I was able to get my hands on a copy of it today, a few days before it’s due out in Canada. It looks amaz­ing, but pos­si­bly a lit­tle too clut­tered for actu­al game­play pur­pos­es. I’m not sure if I’ll buy it yet. I’ll prob­a­bly wait and see if my friends are inter­est­ed in pur­chas­ing it for online play, and if I get addict­ed enough to war­rant sup­port of EA Games, although I’m sure they have enough mon­ey as a pub­lish­er of main­stream games already.

I got a com­pli­ment on my black nail pol­ish today. I was pleased, I guess, but I sup­pose that it’s rare that one would make a bad com­ment on some­thing like that; I think that most peo­ple, if not find­ing it atrac­tive, would sim­ply remain silent.

Somehow I got an 80% on my cryp­tog­ra­phy assign­ment. I imag­ine that the class aver­age was around there. The ques­tions were so dif­fi­cult that the TA had to be extreme­ly gen­er­ous with the marks. Pat end­ed up get­ting 88%, which I feel is unfair, since he spent so much more time on his assign­ment than I did. It seems to be such a plight of uni­ver­si­ty, that pro­fes­sors don’t real­ize that stu­dents’ capa­bil­i­ties are much low­er than theirs.