A while ago, I tried to understand the difficulties I would face in having children. I see now that a very fundamental problem with the entire concept is that I haven’t accepted what I’ve become yet. Such an inability is relevant insofar as the fact that I haven’t accepted who I am creates further difficulty in accepting someone else.
The same sort of problem arises out of relationships, but in an inverse manner; how could I expect someone else to accept me, when I haven’t done so already? I feel that such a difficulty is probably the most prominent obstacle in my relationships. Another would be the fact that I’m not sure if I am strong enough person to properly take care of someone else. Relationships are supposed to be mutualistic, and it feels as if I’m not ready for them yet.
I’ve been thinking this for quite a while now. So many things seem to be pointing me to this fact. I’ve been slowly accepting it, and it has very slowly been working.
Yet someone is tearing my reasoning apart.