There are times when one may be asked for help in life or oth­er sit­u­a­tions.

The per­son request­ing the help is sim­ply look­ing for an aide, and not mak­ing a claim for any­thing in return. If some­one decides to help this per­son, the helper should­n’t be expect­ing any­thing from the helpee. After all, it is the right for the helper to refuse.

The helpee, when ask­ing for assis­tance, gen­er­al­ly makes no claim about repay­ing the helper. They are mak­ing a request at the hope that some­one will not mind, and assume the role of helper. This is opposed to the belief that the helper should get some­thing in return, be it friend­ship, or mon­ey, etc.

Unless it is stat­ed clear­ly that there be an exchange of ser­vices, then the helper is work­ing by his or her will, for “free”. To expect some­thing in return for help, espe­cial­ly from a stranger, is rather naive. I liken the sit­u­a­tion to per­son A ask­ing per­son B to have $1000, and when giv­en, per­son B expect­ing per­son A to be a good friend for hav­ing gen­er­ous­ly donat­ed so much mon­ey.

The mis­take becomes the opti­mistic assump­tion that every­one is nice and will return the favour some­how. Yet per­son A said noth­ing to per­son B about repay­ing them in any way. At the same time, per­son B could have refused, and walked away.

If the helper ever feels used from such a sit­u­a­tion, her or she only has him or her­self to blame. On the oth­er hand, if the helpee agrees to do some­thing in return before the assis­tance is giv­en, but nev­er deliv­ers, the helper has a right to feel used.

The fact is, unless stat­ed, a helpee most like­ly won’t return the favour. It sucks, but it’s true. If the helper makes the assump­tion that the per­son is “good” and will repay, the helper is sim­ply set­ting him or her­self up for dis­ap­point­ment.

It’s the expec­ta­tion of some­thing in return that is sim­ply a fool­ish thing to believe.

So why would one believe it? One can just say no, instead of scorn­ing the helpee, label­ing them as a user when not giv­en some­thing in return.

Perhaps one needs the hope that there are “good” peo­ple in the world to feel bet­ter. Perhaps one has a hard time say­ing “no”. Perhaps one is blind­ed by the guiles of the oppo­site sex. Perhaps one nev­er learns.

Perhaps one should just stop labelling every­one as a user.