I’ve realized that, for some reason, I’m always, constantly seeking the approval of others. It’s something that’s become a part of me, although I know that I’m able to deal with the times when I can get no approval whatsoever.
I hate this about myself. It feels so damn cheap and shallow. It can bother me so much to know that someone doesn’t like me, or something that I’ve done.
My understanding of the reason why I’m like this is that my previous major relationships have all hurt me in the subject of acceptance. It has affected me so much that it’s something that I can’t get over. I need acceptance to fulfill a childhood void.
I adore praise. My mind accepts it like a vacuum. I let it affect me, and I don’t care. It’s something that I need.
When praise leaves me, then I feel like I’m left alone, with no one who can understand anything that I do. It feels like there’s no acceptance, like everyone hates my being.
And with this I go to sleep.