New

Things feel very dif­fer­ent right now. I know that every­thing is always chang­ing, every­thing is con­stant­ly mov­ing, and that no mat­ter how sta­t­ic my life seems at the time, my mind is always work­ing. I begin to see things quite dif­fer­ent­ly. I’m real­ly not sure how to explain it. For some rea­son, my thoughts begin to come around full cir­cle every six months or so. My mind is nev­er at the same place I am.

It’s an odd real­iza­tion, to know that I’ve changed so much, yet so lit­tle with­in the last six months. I remem­ber telling Sam one time when I was 15 that I prob­a­bly would­n’t change from the way I was back then. How wrong I was. There has been noth­ing but change, change that I can only see long after it has passed. I look back on what I was like in first year, and I become so embar­rassed.

And now things feel so odd, as if I’ve nev­er been in such a sit­u­a­tion before, as if I’m look­ing through a new pair of eyes, yet kept my old expe­ri­ences. It’s such a hard sit­u­a­tion to define, since I feel like I can nev­er tru­ly under­stand it until is over, like the dead in Dante’s Inferno.

None of this feels famil­iar.

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