Monthly Archives: October 2002

Being Troubled Troubles Me

I’m very tired. For some rea­son, I’ve been sleep­ing pret­ty well though. I guess long days just tire me out. I think I’ll turn in ear­ly tonight, and work on my assign­ments tomor­row.

She loves to watch me play Starcraft, or play hide-and-seek under the bed. She loves to clean her­self on my lap, then nap there. She loves her tuna flavoured cat food, and her two mousies (I think I’ll name them Mutius and Quintus, after Titus’ two sons, whom Titus believes were pray to Rome).

I felt trou­bled this week-end, some­thing that I’m not prone to feel­ing. I usu­al­ly feel love or hate, with not much in between. And being one who can expect any­thing, like two sons killing their father, being trou­bled trou­bles me.

Maturity

An attrac­tive woman got on my ele­va­tor yes­ter­day, which sur­prised me, con­sid­er­ing the num­ber of stu­dents on my floor, let alone my build­ing. I’m not sure what she was doing there, wear­ing her nice gray suit and check­ing her mail. I real­ize that I’m becom­ing more and more attract­ed to much old­er women, while becom­ing less and less attract­ed to girls my age, or even girls 10 years with­in my age. They all seem to be so…child­ish. It’s some­thing that’s almost repul­sive to me.

Childishness seems to be so super­fi­cial to me. And yet it’s some­thing that’s so hard to define. I sup­pose that it’s child­ish think­ing that real­ly gets to me. Even if one acts as a child, one can still be defined as an adult through a mature mind­set. After all, a man who cre­ates research mod­els with Lego should be seen as an adult with ideas, not some­one with a child­ish hob­by.

It’s these old­er women who seem to have a wis­dom that I admire. Perhaps it’s their mind­set, which I feel like I can relate to late­ly. Perhaps I just don’t real­ly know enough about them to find their faults and their weak­ness­es.

Or per­haps I’m just grow­ing up.