I think I’ve been struck with an even greater need for antipa­thy than before, but this is no plea­sur­able need. My mind burns with painful ideas, and it knots my stom­ach. I feel awk­ward think­ing about it every time.

I need antipa­thy to feel nor­mal again. To know that I am worth some­thing. Why must I find out so much about some­thing that pains me so much? Perhaps I sim­ply think about the sit­u­a­tion too much, and I’ve become hyper-sen­si­tive to it. Yes, that’s prob­a­bly it.

Hope is the mind­killer.