
I
told myself that all of this was okay with me and to everybody that is
around me, my parents would think that its okay and my friends would
think that is fine. To imagine a life could be made to this proximity,
that maybe this was the only possible life to make, since the other
paths, which my imagination had instantaneously traveled, were all
equally impossible. To imagine ourselves being together for a long
time, to last a lifetime, say, was to imagine that we were not
ourselves, and, in a way, that we had nothing for each other, since
what we had for each other seemed to grow out of our intertwined
history and to be specific to this relationship. But to imagine
ourselves together in this relationship was to imagine collisions, and
explosions, seismic movements of the earth we were standing on. It was
to imagine everyone around us dead, in fact. And I imagined it, with a
current of muted fear that ran under my usual eagerness to imagine the
worst. To imagine her gone was to imagine two other impossible things,
that she had never returned, or sometimes, that I was the dead one.
When I made myself imagine her leaving, going back to their place, or
being happy with someone else, being dead seemed preferable to
returning to the life I had lived before I met her.
I continued
to smile. The second half of my sandwich lay on my plate, and I was
hungry for it, but instead of eating it, I made myself say, “You think
I’m weird, don’t you.” It was raining outside, and the room is quite
cold. “Yeah, but in a nice way,” she said while she eats her chicken. I
looked at her, thinking that she didn’t understand what I meant.
While
walking her to the station, I lit a cigarette. I know that she didn’t
want me to but the urge was so strong that I couldn’t control it. I can
notice her annoyance to this, so after one puff, I threw it away.
She
was getting on the bus, and then she looked at me and smiled. She
forced me this, “When I return, I don’t want to see you smoke again.
Promise me, okay?” She didn’t wait for my answer, and then she was gone.
I walked alone under the rain, thinking about what she said. I know that it’s hard, but I will try.
Jomar
was the target last night. He holds the most powerful weapon of all.
Given by God himself, it gives the bearer extra damage. The only held
back to that weapon is that when someone kills you, it drops. You can’t
take it with you when you re-incarnate. Your opponent will get it and
then a sudden power shift.
I know that we need to get that
weapon in order for us to win this war. We have lost three towers
already and the other three was taking extra pounding.
We
continued our efforts to defend the last defense we had. If all towers
were lost, then we are going to be forced to defend the base manually.
Our survival was hanging on a piece of thread. I know that we do not
have much time. The lightning revenant continued his attack on the left
side of the perimeter while the lion on the right. We need to steal the
weapon.
We devised a plan, hoping that if the rapier falls in our hand, the power will shift on our side.
To be continued…