terminal velocity

The jour­ney lasts an hour, by turns mov­ing and bit­ter­sweet, a mix­tape with­out a name that’s pos­si­bly the most thought­ful col­lec­tion of music any­one has ever giv­en to me. It’s the addic­tion I’ve been wait­ing for. Proof that I can still be under­stood when a feel­ing is shared if not a history.

Yet new songs on repeat don’t define this moment, cause I can’t tell when one moment ends and the next begins any­more. There’s no sense of per­ma­nence in any­thing. I don’t know whether to be scared or relieved to know that every­thing will inevitably change.

view of Mississauga, Ontario

Shawn thinks I’m plum­met­ing towards rock bot­tom cause I need to prove to myself that I can pull myself out. The idea was on the very tip of my con­scious­ness, and it’s get­ting hard­er to deny how right he is. I’ve always been a per­son who needs to explore the lim­its of the pos­si­ble. I just won­der whether I’ll sur­vive the fall.

One comment

  1. I once had a friend that would rou­tine­ly remark “SCARY DOUGHNUTS!” about strange or des­per­ate stuff going on in her life. I asked her where the hell that came from. She meant the dri­ver-train­ing kind of dough­nuts done in the park­ing lot, learn­ing how to pull out of a skid. 

    This post makes me say SCARY DOUGHNUTS! to myself about you. Both the scary bad and scary good.

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