Grandma’s at the hospital. She woke up this morning with pain all over her body, but more severely in her lower abdomen. They quickly drove her to the doctor, and it turns out there’s been a blockage in her colon. This afternoon they performed a procedure to expand the colon, and it went through without any complications. She’s resting at the hospital for the night, and my family is taking shifts to stay with her.
I’ve been stuck at home all day. Everyone else has been at the hospital and they decided to leave me behind. I’m on immune suppressing medications and the hospital is full of germs; getting sick myself is the last thing I need, especially when it means that I wouldn’t be able to see my grandma, as her immune system is even lower than mine right now. I would only be in the way if I was there anyway.
I’m scared. I’ve never dealt with any kind of sickness like this before. The only people in my family who have passed away were always far away in Hong Kong.
And now I’m here.
My thoughts are with you Jeff.
Thank you, Lloyd.
It can be scary when it happens right next to you. But the experience will change you, you’ll become more “mellow”, and you’ll feel older and more mature. I’m not sure if that’s “good” or “bad”, I guess that’s just an inevitable part of life.
I wish your grandma well, and there is as little pain as possible. You know, she has accomplished a lot in her life.
I think that looking at it from a Taoist point of view, anything that’s inevitable is good. After all, there’s nothing we can do to prevent the inevitable, so it must be accepted. :)
You think you’re ready for mortality, but it’s surprisingly more frightening when you have it in front of you. That’s because you connect it with yourself.
Remember who she really is inside, not the difficulties she’s experiencing. Just love her. I do believe it is felt, even remotely.
It’s also surprisingly more frightening when it’s someone else; my own mortality I can handle. With so many people surrounding her, she must certainly be aware of how loved she is.