I’ll always try to give everyone a fair chance when I first meet them. I assume the “generic”, kind personality, which is primarily used to make the person comfortable and open, enough to feel them out.
Unfortunately, some people mistake this as friendliness, when I really couldn’t give a shit about them. All I’m trying to do is find out more about their personalities and their lives because that’s what I’m always interested in. It’s usually the people who are socially disadvantaged who misinterpret this, and believe that I’m interested in friendship.
Usually when I sense something I don’t like about someone (which happens more often than not) I’ll distance myself from them and turn cold. This generally means I have no further interest in associating with them. I’ll never initiate conversation with them, never state my opinion around them, never show emotion to them. Most can sense this and step back, possibly subconsciously, and easily because most haven’t invested anything in the relationship.
However, sometimes someone won’t get the idea and cling to the initial misinterpretation. In these cases, I’m left with someone who thinks I’m his or her friend. They’ll open up, tell me things, put their trust in me, when I don’t care (when I sense something I dislike, I lose all interest).
I’ve always wondered if it’s just me being an asshole by wearing a kind personality simply to satisfy my curiosity, or whether it’s the fault of others for misinterpreting my expressions and actions. In the past I’ve always blamed myself and felt bad when someone finds out that I’m not their friend, but I’m beginning to blame others. I’ve run into a few socially retarded people who just don’t understand anything about the dynamic set of social rules surrounding them. I know now in some cases that it’s not my fault.
But this fact doesn’t alleviate the situations.
being friendly is not the same as being a friend. i don’t think this makes you sound like an asshole, unless you let yourself be an asshole.
Yes, I agree, but as part of some sets of social rules, being friendly without the intention of being a friend can be considered as leading someone on. Even though this may not be the rule used by most, I still keep in mind what others consider appropriate behavior and try not to offend anyone.