If a woman sleeps alone, it puts a shame on all men. God has a very big heart but there is one sin he will not forgive: if a woman calls a man to her bed and he will not go.

—Zorba the Greek

There exists a spot on every woman that needs to be kissed.

It can be as innocuous as the curl of the lip, the web of the hand, or a mark on a landscape of skin.

It’s the responsibility of a man to find this spot. Not as a service to the woman — sometimes the woman isn’t even aware of such a spot — but as a service to the creator of such things.

I have this theory that there’s no myth to the female orgasm. There are some who can have one and some who can’t. Most of the girls I’ve dated have been able to achieve climax (or have led me to believe so), but there was one who never did and never seemed to care. There is no set attribute for all women.

This may be supported by the fact that it’s the same with the types of orgasms, which vary not only from woman to woman, but from each occurring time as well. Some are implosive, some are explosive. Some are centered in a region, some affect the entire body. Some cause lethargy, some cause energy.

Another girlfriend was of a similar demeanour, but I could tell that she had the ability to be taught at the right time, and the right person would have the patience to teach her the right things. I find that mentally strong girls are the ones who have the best orgasms. They’re also the most fun, because they know what they like and they aren’t afraid to ask for it, allowing for a lot of exploration. It was only when I met a strong girl that I was comfortable pushing her body, comfortable figuring out what she liked. She had the best orgasms, and she’s the only one I know who’s been able to have two very different, very distinct orgasms in a row, or orgasms that would last longer than a minute.

Even the expressions afterwards are unique, whether it’s a jocular look of “Don’t touch me, I’m overstimulated” or bewildered “What the FUCK did you just do?” or “Give me a minute, I can’t feel my brain”. Guys are totally different. Their expressions are linked to their orgasms, and they only have two: the angry face (aggressive, dominant, empowering), and the confused face (soft, whimpering, almost sorry, à la Ben Stiller in There’s Something About Mary).

But that’s just my theory.

It seems like I’m running into more and more attractive, older women lately. By older, I mean older. Like Julianne Moore or Jodie Foster around-40-but-still-attractive older.

I try to explain this to Trolley, and he gives me the squinted eyes look, as if he’s thinking, “Forty? Did he just say forty? Maybe he meant fourteen. But that’s even worse! Where’s my beer?”

I think it just comes from the fact that these women are still physically attractive at a stage in their lives that’s generally not associated with that sort of thing. I can appreciate the fact that they keep in shape at their age, even after they’ve had kids. I suppose that it’s a bit of a correlation, that they’re willing to work on such things for their husbands, and that’s what stands out to me. Maybe I’m just sick of the girls I meet that are my age.