The weekend sky was aching orange with the charm of thick falling snow. It felt good to be so warm and in the midst of such cold, with the silence of such visual delight.

The Honest Lawyer on Saturday was good. I have never, ever, tasted better fries. They were dark, crispy, not too thick and not too thin, and salted perfectly. They were even presented well in a cone shaped wrapping in a metal holder, with two dips attached. The atmosphere there was well done, with unique lighting and well arranged tables. The only problem was the music, which was turned up so loud that people couldn’t speak to each other. By the end of the night, I had to take some Chinese herbal throat medicine so that I would still have my voice the next day. I had a better time at Trolley’s place beforehand, when we could actually talk to each other. At one point, the girls ordered a chocolate fondue for dessert, and left about half the pot full of chocolate dip.

Aaron, being the sugar addict that he is, started to drink from the fondue pot. I was left holding my brownie half-covered (which happened to be sweet enough already).

I can’t decide whether I should buy the strings tribute to Tool, Third Eye Open. I really have no idea what to expect, in terms of how good the music will be. I would more readily purchase it if I could walk down to a music store and find it, but it seems rare enough that even Record Runner doesn’t carry it. I also discovered Strung Out on OK Computer, which is a string tribute to my favourite Radiohead album, which I have to consider getting as well.

I also found a song called Les Feuilles Mortes, when sung in French, and Autumn Leaves when sung in English. The English lyrics are alright, but the French sounds much better. The first version I had was by Yves Montand, who sings it perfectly with a great pronunciation, but at the end of the song the audience tries to clap in unison with the beat and fails miserably, ruining the song completely. I was able to find a few other versions as well. The one by Diana Krall is a little too simple to enjoy. One by Edith Piaf is good, and she sings well in both languages, but her vibrato is too shrill. There’s a decent Nat King Cole version, but the old style and poor recording quality don’t bode well for it. There’s even a Miles Davis with John Coltrane version, but unfortunately, it’s missing the lyrics and recognizable melody. An odd version by Paul Mauriat is done with synth and cheezy instrumentals, and is possibly the worst one I’ve heard so far. A good modern one done by Cold Cut has a very electronic feel to it, but lacks the lyrical content that the others have. My favourite version so far is by Sarah Vaughan, where she’s able to sing the jazz babble with precision and grace, while displaying her gigantic vocal range. The first time I heard it, it blew my mind away. I might just end up cutting out the clapping of the audience in Yves Montand version if I can’t find a good one.

I figured out the four peasant build. I LUF IT.

The weather here has been unforgiving.

I need to stop writing for an audience. It feels like I’m not being true to myself, that I can’t say what I want to say. Yet I do, somehow, in some equivocal manner.

The winter is so beautiful. Usually I study better at night, but when it’s winter time, and everything is white, I feel much more motivated during the day. It’s as if God finally realizes that the entire world is shit and covers it with a huge bleached tarp.

I bought Dolly a new toy on the week-end, and she loves it. It’s got a soft ball covered in fur on the end of an elastic string. She’ll try to take the ball where she wants by grabbing it in her jaws, but when the elastic stretches past its limit, the ball will rip out of her mouth and make her go even crazier. She plays with it until she’s tired, then she’ll lay down on the ground below where the ball lies, and just try to bat it with her paws.

I’ve been working on the new layout, and I completely scrapped the metallic idea. Pictures just didn’t seem to fit well in it. I actually have the final design done and created in html format. It allows for a better formatting of content, though it will take me more work. I’m not completely sure if I’m satisfied with it, but it will probably have to do since I generally have little content to work with.

Sometimes I start thinking, and then I realize what a fucking idiot I am, and that thought just sticks in my head. That happened for most of today.

I have to set up two laptops for these high up execs at work. One of them actually made a complaint about me and Aaron to my boss before. It’s hard to work for someone with this kind of history, but somehow I can just grin and bear it. I think that being stoic is something that I’ve learned very well from my childhood. An alarm went off in the building too, and we had to evacuate. My boss asked me if I wanted to get some beer and pizza, but I told him that I had too much work to do. The temptation was almost too great.

I’ve generally been neglecting my eating habits and my sleeping habits, and my schoolwork, even though I half-resolved not to. It’s good to know that no one cares. At least it’s honest. I know that I need much more balance in my life, and I think that it’s something I can achieve. It’s just been so hard with everything going on. Pat thinks that I should take a week off work. After all, it’s the reason why he quit the job in the first place. But he had a high maintenance girlfriend, and I had a negative maintenance one at the time.

There just seems to be so much reason for me to stay awake late at night.

I stepped outside today, on the dry, white, lonely concrete. Every morning I go outside, I open the steel door and the sky sets my mood.

I managed to pass my DNA and Quantum Computing mid-term with a 67% (somehow), but I failed my Networking and Communications mid-term with a 51%, where 55% is needed to pass. There’s only one mid-term left that I haven’t gotten back yet, but I don’t think it looks good.

I watched the first half of Safe, and it’s an interesting movie so far, concerning environmental issues. Julianne Moore plays the trophy wife of a high class Babbitt who starts to be overcome by health effects. It’s not really my preferred type of subject matter, but I’ll still finish the movie. Julianne getting her hair permed is reason enough for me.

I’ve been listening to my metal mix this entire week, and I suspect that I might listen to it for a little while longer.

I live so close to my campus and to my work that I can go home between classes and work. Every time I step outside, my mood changes. In the morning, I’m reminded of the gray skies above the emerald green UCC football fields I would look up to as I waited for a ride, or hung out with John. Usually I try to put on my Bittersweet Mix, and sometimes it fits. Other times, I’ll put on my Sad Mix, and it fits as well.

In the afternoon, the sun comes out, and spreads its’ rays across the street, reminding me of a time I sat in a library, the sky-light giving me the suns rays through dust and the smell of old print. The Total Annihilation soundtrack fits so perfectly, with its’ sometimes agressive, sometimes calm movements.

At night, everything feels familiar, and I put on my Moon Mix or my Breathe playlist. I feel nothing but familiar. I’ve already experienced everything I could at night.

I can see that my overall outlook is changing. Before, I would scorn the sunlight, and cast my eyes downward, wishing for a cloudy sky. Now, I know what happiness feels like. I had finally experienced it, and destroyed it simply by being me. I’m not sure if I actually want to feel it again. It’s something that’s just too much trouble.

My friend asked me once if I had any advice about dating. She believed that everyone just wants to be happy, no matter what trouble, a Freudian, I’m sure.

I told her not to fall in love.