Know what I hate? No, fucking hate.

I fucking hate it when a girl reduces me, or any guy, for that matter, to a sex. When some PETTY-MINDED FUCK generalizes someone as belonging to the group of “males” because of a few characteristics shared with the stereotype. Or brushes off any traits she sees as unpleasant as simply being the fault of having both an X and a Y chromosome.

What the fuck. I don’t place the blame on ‘being female’ when a girl happens to be late getting ready to go out. Or when a girl ends up in the middle of a geek talk, I don’t condescend to her and say, “You wouldn’t be interested cause you’re a girl”. I understand that girls can be geeky, or prurient, or cerebral, the same way that guys can be interested in ballroom dancing, or chaste, or emotional.

I don’t do guys nights or any shit like that cause I choose not to judge. I don’t automatically assume that a girl wouldn’t understand what happens when the guys are together. I’ve had girls at my LAN parties, I know girls who go to strip clubs. And I choose not to act or do anything differently if my girlfriend isn’t around, cause I have nothing to hide. I don’t want to be fake with either her or my friends.

Not every male is a slave to someone with breasts. Beer commercials are not an accurate representation of the entire male population.

FUCK. God.

On the way to work I walk adjacent to a lane of traffic, and cars on the highway can exit onto that street using a lengthy offramp. I have to cross the offramp every day, and there’s a yield sign there for cars coming from the highway, but they never slow down or yield to pedestrians (unless it’s someone old driving). Since it’s a busy area, the cars can just keep coming, and I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time just waiting for the line of vehicles to end.

Right now I just get out my frustrations by pretending that I don’t notice any cars coming, and taking one step onto the ramp. Most drivers don’t care if someone is walking across; as long as they know that one sees them, they assume that one will jump out of the way. Drivers who believe that someone doesn’t see them will almost always yield.

This morning, for example, I pretended to be completely oblivious to two cars speeding down the offramp. I made one confident step across the path and then quickly looked up, while continuing to cross. The first car sped past me, but the second car slowed down suddenly enough to make the tires squeak. The car actually pulled to the side of the road and came to a complete stop. I could tell that the driver, a bookish man with light hair and glasses, was both angry and shaken, and had to stop driving to compose himself. I swear he was about to get out of his car to tell me off, had he not brought himself under control, and realized that it’s not a fucking MERGE sign, it’s a FUCKING YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS SIGN.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always assume that I have the right of way (although I do believe that pedestrians are supposed to under the Highway Traffic Act R.S.O. 1990, c. H.8, s. 144 (28), unless the car can’t stop in time) and just walk across the crosswalk regardless of oncoming vehicles. It’s in everyones best interest to be safe, but I do my part by keeping an eye on vehicles, and not jaywalking or crossing unpredictably. This guy, as well as many others, have plenty of time to see pedestrians approaching the crosswalk but decide to never slow down.

Dear Josie from Hot 89.9,

It is seven in the morning. Your abhorrent voice and grating personality serve as a reminder of how tired I am. I would very much like to punch you in the face.

—jeff

I just got home from a nice dinner with Aaron, Karen, and Chris. On the bus ride back, there was a woman sitting in front of me, who I couldn’t help but look at. I watched, the entire trip, as she peeled an orange, and threw all the skin and fibre on the floor. Then she would spit seeds into her hand and throw those on the floor too. It was one of the most repulsive things I’ve ever seen. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

I just stopped at Timmies before work this morning, with a large triple triple in my hand, and a caramel pecan cookie in the other. I had to maneuver the coffee and cookie around because it was too hot to hold by its sides, and I did this as I was walking out the door. Without thinking, I let the door close behind me. As I step outside, I hear a lady say, “Tanks for ‘olding the door” in a loud, grumpy, sarcastic tone. I usually hold the door open if I see someone behind me, but I was still waking up, I didn’t see her, and my mind was elsewhere. Normally, I would feel terrible for being so inconsiderate, but I really didn’t feel bad at all after she said what she said. I actually wished that the door slammed in her face, spilling her coffee all over her proudly worn blue Magic School Bus shirt, staining it forever, and that she would slump in the door-frame, sobbing, because it was the final gift from the debilitated granddaughter she had just put in the ground. At least what I did was an accident, one that I’m not prone to let happen, but what she said I consider even more rude.

Trolley and I had this discussion a little while ago. We both agree that it’s rude to keep a seat occupied with a bag on a busy bus, but it’s even more rude to walk up to a bagged seat, then complain loudly and rudely about the owner. There are ways of politely doing things that just make things go easier for everyone. Interesting, how the first person to take the step in being polite is the one in control, but few people actually take the risk because they assume an unapologetic person.

Anyway, I need some coffee in me.

So go the fuck away.