Dear Josie from Hot 89.9,

It is seven in the morning. Your abhorrent voice and grating personality serve as a reminder of how tired I am. I would very much like to punch you in the face.

—jeff

I just got home from a nice dinner with Aaron, Karen, and Chris. On the bus ride back, there was a woman sitting in front of me, who I couldn’t help but look at. I watched, the entire trip, as she peeled an orange, and threw all the skin and fibre on the floor. Then she would spit seeds into her hand and throw those on the floor too. It was one of the most repulsive things I’ve ever seen. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

I just stopped at Timmies before work this morning, with a large triple triple in my hand, and a caramel pecan cookie in the other. I had to maneuver the coffee and cookie around because it was too hot to hold by its sides, and I did this as I was walking out the door. Without thinking, I let the door close behind me. As I step outside, I hear a lady say, “Tanks for ‘olding the door” in a loud, grumpy, sarcastic tone. I usually hold the door open if I see someone behind me, but I was still waking up, I didn’t see her, and my mind was elsewhere. Normally, I would feel terrible for being so inconsiderate, but I really didn’t feel bad at all after she said what she said. I actually wished that the door slammed in her face, spilling her coffee all over her proudly worn blue Magic School Bus shirt, staining it forever, and that she would slump in the door-frame, sobbing, because it was the final gift from the debilitated granddaughter she had just put in the ground. At least what I did was an accident, one that I’m not prone to let happen, but what she said I consider even more rude.

Trolley and I had this discussion a little while ago. We both agree that it’s rude to keep a seat occupied with a bag on a busy bus, but it’s even more rude to walk up to a bagged seat, then complain loudly and rudely about the owner. There are ways of politely doing things that just make things go easier for everyone. Interesting, how the first person to take the step in being polite is the one in control, but few people actually take the risk because they assume an unapologetic person.

Anyway, I need some coffee in me.

So go the fuck away.

I hate being interrupted. When I’m talking about something, I get into a momentum, and interruptions lose all the momentum. It doesn’t matter what I’m talking about or how comfortable/uncomfortable I am talking about it. To me, it’s like trying to tell a joke then being told to wait five minutes right before the punchline. Although someone may remember the first part, the momentum just dies, and I’d rather just forget the whole thing than finish talking.

I hate how transparent people can be. Let me guess…you want to impress this girl, you want to talk about yourself, you want some of my fries, you think that girl has a nice ass, you love your reputation as a character, you want me to listen to this song.

I only consider it transparent when these people never actually say what they think or what. It’s not like they begin with, “I only act this way around you cause I want in your pants”, or “I don’t really care about you but I’ll let you speak first so I can have my turn later”, or “I want some of your fries so I keep asking about how good they are so you’ll offer me some”, or “You’re hot so I’m going to stare”, or “I want a crazy reputation so I’m going to act crazy”, or “I want to be the one who introduced you to this song”.

I’ve been told that I’m very transparent when it comes to people I don’t like, and hopefully that’s the only case for me. I generally won’t go around telling people that I hate them, but I’d rather someone know than not know. That way they won’t waste their time with me and I won’t waste my time with them.

Things would certainly be a lot better that way.