Found this old video of back when I lived on Island Park in a 16th floor apartment, with Trolley and another person who shall remain unnamed.

Trolley looks so young! It’s not his face, just his hair that does it. And remember when I couldn’t stop listening to that AFI album? Seems like so long ago. I guess you’d only remember if you’ve been reading since 2004/2005, when we did stuff like this.

I wonder if I’m still too young to feel nostalgic. It seems like the only people who reminisce are those who are much older than me, but I already get nostalgic about my university days, when things were relaxed, I could sleep in, or skip class, and I didn’t have a mortgage to worry about.

Ah, residence. The first year of university, the first year away from my parents, and my first year in Ottawa. Also, the year I was introduced to Fear Factory, Dream Theater, and Refused.

I found these old pictures while organizing my pictures folder. Boy, do they take me back.

Take a look at this photo, for example, where I strapped a pair of khakis to my head, and started head banging to Deftones — Shove It (My Own Summer). Why did I strap a pair of khakis to my head? Cause I didn’t have long hair. Why did Pita and I decide to do this one day? I have no idea.

Or how about these ones, where the girls agreed to give me red chunks, back when I was obviously in my Tool phase. Nadine mis-read the instructions, mixed the wrong chemicals, and it came out all sparse.

Highlights include:

• Failing Calculus 2 with Dave and Jarod. When we wrote the supplemental exam, it was five people total in the program who failed, three of whom were us. I guess I had the wrong study buddies. In the end, I was the only one who passed.
• Most of the guys on the floor getting sued for sexual harassment.
• Jarod and Jono’s rave room, lit with a blacklight and disco ball, which was somewhat famous around campus.
• Constant conflict between neighbors, me and Pita included, over the volume of music.
• Going to the gym with Dave, and having him spot me while I benched the bar. As in, the bar without weights. Afterwards, I would spot him while he benched 240. I don’t think I could have helped much.

Pita took these photos, got them printed, and scanned them. Dated ‘99. Sure they aren’t great. They’re dark. They’re grainy, taken with a cheap film camera. But they’re still unforgettable memories, and it gives them a certain dated style. Makes me wish I had a taken some pictures myself.

Continue reading

Among the shots and the rounds, the friends and the fun, I found a graduation photo framed on his shelf, a candid shot of the Class of ‘05.

Every one of my “clique” was among the faces. There were others as well, people I knew from class, even though I never talked to them. How different they all looked — all prim and proper in academic regalia — yet familiar.

I was the only one not in co-op, and graduated a year before everyone else. My convocation was insignificant. I only went because my parents wanted to see me make that walk that stage, a return on their investment. I don’t know who the dean of my faculty was, or who handed me my diploma. I was just another number in a profiteering institution. It meant nothing.

But seeing that photo struck a chord in me.

It made me realize how I’ve never really fit in. How I never belonged to a group. For some reason, I still long for that, or, perhaps, to have had that at one point in my life. Last time it was elementary and high-school. This time it was university. I don’t know why. I have my own group of friends now. Not a clique, because they don’t hang out with each other, but a motley crew I’ve built through the years.

The logical side of me understands that it isn’t significant. That it doesn’t, and shouldn’t matter. That nothing is more boring and pedestrian than fitting in.

But another part of me feels like I missed out on something.

And I don’t know if I’ll ever let that go.

The campus life when you’re just a number, when you choose not to party with all the brainless idiots, when university is just another awkward transition out of high school.

I remember this.

The best thing about graduating university and having a job is that nothing follows me home. For almost all of my life, up until this point, I felt like a slave to homework, projects, and tests. I’d never have a weekend where I could just relax, and not think about the next thing that I should be working on. Even in the summers I felt guilty for not getting a head start on next years material.

Now it’s just pure relaxation. No more worry about failing something or running out of money. The only thing left to work on is me, and I have the rest of my life for that.

The exam I wrote today may possibly be the last one of my university career. I don’t plan on going back to school any time in the future. It was both the most and least satisfying exam I’ve ever written. I’m positive that I failed, so it’s sort of a sour note to end on, but I’m also ecstatic to be out of school. I approached my final computer science exam written last year with hesitation. The entire tech sector was suffering at the time, development jobs were already scarce, and I was about to be thrown into limbo. Now that I’m done, and nothing follows me home, I’ll have time to work on a few extra projects I haven’t finished yet. That also means that I can hang out with Aaron and Trolley more, or go home to visit Darren and John on the long weekends. As for Pat, I’ve learned to let him arrange the subsequent meeting because he’s always busier than I am.

Today, I left the exam two hours early, after throwing everything I knew on the page. I stepped out into the refreshing spring weather, when it’s between a brisk fall day and a summer night.

Just finished writing my economics exam. I found out last night that the exam was at 9:00 am instead of 2:00 pm. Usually, I make a last minute check of the schedule before I go to sleep the day before, so it was a shock. The last few hours before an exam are integral in my ability to pass, so my plan to study with Aaron basically fell through.

I have no idea how well I did though. Going in, I was thinking that it would be a sure fail, but I ended up confidently answering the majority of the questions. I only read through the material once, and didn’t do any review. If I do somehow end up passing this course, than either:

• I can remember 90% of what I understand or
• economics is a really easy program compared to comp sci, or
• first year courses are extremely simple after passing fourth year ones, or
• there was some sort of divine intervention

I’ve decided that just passing one of my courses will my satisfying. That way the term won’t be a complete waste.

I’m almost certain that I’ll be failing the classes I’ve taken this term. The exams are in a few days, and I only started studying, no, learning the material yesterday. It just seems so pointless to try passing a class when the credits will expire anyway. Sure, they don’t expire for a few years, but I don’t plan on going back to school within the next decade, if ever. This wouldn’t be a worry if I wasn’t working almost full-time and moving in the same week, but that doesn’t really seem to matter. I have a history of failing stuff at the right time. The two core courses I failed during my comp sci degree didn’t hold me back and I was able to make them up without a hitch. Now I’ll be failing two courses I don’t need. As long as I try my hardest to pass, given the circumstances, I won’t feel guilty whatever the outcome.

I’m insanely busy. I have two exams next week, both of which I haven’t started studying for yet. Actually I haven’t even been to class in about a month. Once I found out that my credits would expire in a few years, I lost all desire to do well, since I don’t plan on going back to school in a few years. I’m also moving next weekend, and have only packed three boxes so far. Things just keep popping up. Table tennis sessions, pot lucks, barbecues, unexpected phone calls, blah blah blah. For once, I wish that I had a weekend to myself, where I could relax and read.

I had a short discussion with a local lawyer on intellectual property tonight. I figured that it would help me be better prepared for any of the ideas that I’m thinking of bringing to fruition. It was fairly informative, and he treated me to a pitcher at Mike’s Place after.

That’s when I learned that Mike’s Place has Double Diamond on tap. Double Diamond. On tap. At campus.

Uh oh.

I sent in an application to the economics programme at Carleton before I left for Hong Kong last year, and got an offer of admission when I got back. I accepted the offer on Monday, registered for two courses, and started going back to university for a second degree. One of my courses is on TV, so I’m getting Trolley to tape it for me as an excuse to head over there and try some of my duty free Villager Premium No. 7s with him. My other course is a concentrated introduction to economics, so it’s two three hour classes each week, making it the exact equivalent of two courses itself. I’ll try to get an introduction to accounting course next week as a fourth course, when the academic advisor is free and not being a bitch.

I’m going to switch my major to business in the summer and specialize in marketing. Since I have a degree in computer science, I’m considered a third year student already, since a lot of my credits transferred over. If everything works out (prerequisites, degree restrictions, course availability) I could have a second degree at the end of the year.

My first class was yesterday with quite a few first year students, some of them six years my junior I’m willing to bet. Six years. More than half the class was Asian.

It’s always fun to joke around with Aaron about how high maintenance he is. “Negative maintenance”, we call it, since it’s all in relation to the girl. I don’t think that I ever stay as one type of maintenance; it usually depends on the relationship and girl for me.

Nick told me yesterday that I was the most independent person he knows. Being the most anything to someone is always interesting. “Independent?”, I asked. After living with me for a few months, he hasn’t known anyone else who can stay in their room for days on end, he explained. “More like no life”, I thought.

Ever since I was a kid, I haven’t had many friends. For about two years in grade three to grade four, I hung around Andrew and Alex mostly, but this ended when they switched schools. Until grade eight, I had no one to talk to or do things with. I was the friendly loner in school, the person no one disliked who was never invited to anything. In grade eight I became fast friends with Greg, until I swapped schools with him, and he found a more popular group. Then once again, I ate lunches by myself. For two entire summers, and — I do not embellish this one bit — I stayed in my house and played solitaire for four months, unless visiting relatives.

In grade eleven I became friends with John (even though I’ve known him since grade five) but John was even more of a loner than me. We would do some crazy shit during our lunches, and ended up pissing off more than one teacher. Ever since then, I’ve had an anchor, someone I could turn to and talk to, although moving to a different city has hindered the amount of time we could spend together.

In the first and second year of university I wouldn’t leave my room. People called it “the dungeon”, and asked me what I was doing outside whenever I was waiting for an elevator. I didn’t get along too well with the people on my floor (intolerance, yet again) and the friends I made in class weren’t anti-social, but weren’t social as well. I would get to my room on Fridays, and generally not leave until I had to go back to class on Monday.

It’s only been in third year, after meeting Aaron and Trolley, that I feel like I’ve come into a comfortable group. I’ve been fortunate to have picked up some good friends along the way, such as Eugene, Dina, and Pat, but our relationships are more limited, due to a lack of time spent together. I mean, Aaron and Trolley are the ones I can get drunk with, stoned with, who take care of me, who I exchange secrets with, who I feel most comfortable with. (Oddly enough, my ultimate test for this is how loud I can sing in front of them, but that’s another story altogether)

However, most people are busy with school now, and I’m left in my room most of the time. I actually do stay in the apartment quite a bit, and yet it doesn’t feel strange to me. I’ve been trained my whole life to be a loner, as someone with no life. Perhaps this can be seen as some sort of independence, but in reality I’m dependent on my friends. I’m just waiting until everyone is done school and has enough free time to do things. I can’t wait until that happens.

And if I end up no friends? I think I’d be sad.

But I’d be used to it.

This has been one of the most stressful weeks I’ve had in recent memory. I have to organize my trip home, my trip to the Dominican, my living arrangements, and my studying within the next day or two. I’ve decided to take the bus home, since it will be much cheaper than the train, but I haven’t decided when to go yet. I also can’t book a return ticket until I find out if John is going to his cottage or not. My living arrangements have become even more complicated. Between giving my two months notice and finding out whether Nick and I have been accepted at an apartment, I have to figure everything out by the time I leave for home.

I’ve mainly been studying for my two finals in the last few days. I’ve tried really hard at my graphics final, so hopefully I’ll be able to pass it. Otherwise, I’ll be taking a software engineering course in the summer to make up for the lost credits, which will delay my graduation a possible eight months. Geology hasn’t been going well, as I’m finding it extremely difficult to concentrate. In the end, all that matters is that I’ve tried my best.

Trolley and Wheaties have bought Canadian domains, and registered with the provider which hosts me. It will be interesting to see what the domain is finally used for, aside from their metric time system.

I will be going home soon, and Dolores will be taking up residence at Trolley’s for the week. Hopefully, she will get along with Nala by the end. I look forward to playing Magic: The Gathering at Coffee Time, meeting JG, talking with Sam, hanging out with Darren and John, blazing, and just generally relaxing.

It’s getting dark here, but the light hasn’t completely left the day yet. The sky waxes grey with the setting of the sun, and a gentle rain is making the pavement shine with the yellow glow of the street lamps. The smell consumes me, and I’m back walking the streets on an unrecollected gloomy day.

I finally finished off my honours project, so I can rest a bit easier now. The one report is worth two courses itself. It ended up being around 22 pages, which isn’t too bad. The only thing that remains is my geo essay, and I only have about a half page left to write. I went to lunch with Aaron and Wheaties to celebrate a completed course at the Elephant and Castle. A great waitress served us, and offered a variation on the Strongbow I was having, which was the addition of some lime cordial, or some black currant juice. We all got to try both with the Strongbow, and it was decided that the lime was the better of the two. The remaining black currant juice went into the beer, and Aaron told me that it was tasty.

200 more wins to an archmage icon.

I’ve been listening to the latest AFI album lately, and even though I didn’t much care for it at first, I’m completely addicted now. There’s something about the harmonies in the vocals that make their sound so unique. I’m not quite used to Davey Havok’s voice though, as he sounds like a child to me. Quite unconventional Currently, my favorite song is This Celluloid Dream.

A trip to the Dominican Republic may be working out for the first weekend of May. Since it’s the beginning of the off-season, the cost of the entire trip, drinks and meals included along with residence at a four-star hotel, will be around $900 for a week. Apparently this includes scuba diving, horseback riding, jet skiing, and a beach-side view. Currently, only Aaron, Cristina and I are completely committed to going, but we need an even number of people so we’re trying to find one more person.

Artfag is currently a redhead. Ummmm…yah.

Jonathan tells me that the full-time job seems promising, but he’s not making any guarantees. It would mainly consist of going around the city to various commercial customers and troubleshooting computer problems. The pay will start at around $15 which is not too bad, but not great for a graduate. He says that I’ll also need a car to be able to get to the locations that need service, something that I’ll consider more if I’m actually able to get the job. He tells me that it’s a good foot-in-the-door for web programming positions in the future. I am very grateful, and I’m not getting hopes up.

So…

I just finished my graphics presentation. I presented to a group of nosy people in the class, instead of only my prof and TA’s. The people who watched were quite amazed, it seemed, at what I was able to accomplish on my own. It made my proud that I was able to write the code from scratch in two days. I admit that I had one of the more interesting ideas out of the class, being dynamic as well as mathematically stimulating, as opposed to some of the static animations or cheap games that other projects consisted of. I think I had one of the lesser ambitious ideas though, since making a game look nice would be much harder than a simple simulation such as the game of life. The TA’s congratulated me afterwards, and the prof, who’s infamous for being so soft-spoken that people mistake him as coming out of a funeral, actually clapped at the end. It made me fairly proud of my presentation, although the praise of Charity, the resident CS eye candy in a faculty of the aesthetically challenged, made me even more content. It’s as if physical attractiveness gives someones opinion even more weight. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a pretty face.

A Griffin Powermate is glowing seductively next to my keyboard, a purchase I made over the weekend. I’m currently using it as a volume knob, and I have yet to set it as a zoom function for Photoshop, Acrobat, Word, or Ghostscript viewer. It’s so sexy that I almost put it down my pants.

After having one of the best brands of Hong Kong milk tea for a few months, I’ve switched back to the leaves provided to me by the medicine shop in Chinatown. I can taste a very distinct difference now; the latter seems to have a more fruity, earthy taste to it, and a weaker body.

I believe that I have a place for the next year. Nick and I went to look at the apartment complex across from mine, and we were extremely impressed. It’s 200 square feet bigger than the one I’m currently in, yet $50 cheaper. I will even have my own bathroom. It lacks a balcony, but a balcony is something I’m willing to sacrifice for a larger living room. We have the arrangements made, and we will try to sign something on Wednesday, to reserve an apartment on the penthouse for July. I’m a little worried that there may be some problems that only pop up after inhabiting the same living space, but I’m sure that it will be nothing I can’t deal with. I can’t even imagine leaving this city now, because of all the great friends I have here.

I should be receiving a $1500 tax return with the next two weeks. No plans have been made yet.