I’ll always try to give everyone a fair chance when I first meet them. I assume the “generic”, kind personality, which is primarily used to make the person comfortable and open, enough to feel them out.

Unfortunately, some people mistake this as friendliness, when I really couldn’t give a shit about them. All I’m trying to do is find out more about their personalities and their lives because that’s what I’m always interested in. It’s usually the people who are socially disadvantaged who misinterpret this, and believe that I’m interested in friendship.

Usually when I sense something I don’t like about someone (which happens more often than not) I’ll distance myself from them and turn cold. This generally means I have no further interest in associating with them. I’ll never initiate conversation with them, never state my opinion around them, never show emotion to them. Most can sense this and step back, possibly subconsciously, and easily because most haven’t invested anything in the relationship.

However, sometimes someone won’t get the idea and cling to the initial misinterpretation. In these cases, I’m left with someone who thinks I’m his or her friend. They’ll open up, tell me things, put their trust in me, when I don’t care (when I sense something I dislike, I lose all interest).

I’ve always wondered if it’s just me being an asshole by wearing a kind personality simply to satisfy my curiosity, or whether it’s the fault of others for misinterpreting my expressions and actions. In the past I’ve always blamed myself and felt bad when someone finds out that I’m not their friend, but I’m beginning to blame others. I’ve run into a few socially retarded people who just don’t understand anything about the dynamic set of social rules surrounding them. I know now in some cases that it’s not my fault.

But this fact doesn’t alleviate the situations.

Sometimes, someone does something…in character…and this single act can change my view of them. It’s as if this one thing is the last piece in the puzzle, and once this happens I figure someone out completely. It’s sad that people can be so complicated, and then suddenly so one-dimensional. I’m not some sort of social genius by any means, but it surprises me how many times I end up feeling as if I know someone through and through. It’s almost like being able to understand the mind of a child.

I think part of the reason is because of how many different people I’ve been. I see parts of myself in these people, as so many types of personalities I’ve had before. Once this happens, a sort of connection in my mind is made, and it’s almost as if I understand everything about them; their motives, their logic, their actions. Generally this means that I dislike the person, since I dislike so many of my past ideas and mindsets.

I always wonder what it takes for someone to change so drastically to me. With what single moment do I begin to understand someone? I know that not everyone can be figured out, only those who are related to what I used to be (which is only a tiny fraction of the people I meet). And yet, fairly often, someone I know will end up being predictable, boring, and frustrating.

These are the people I usually feel most comfortable around, since I know how to talk to them, their humour, what they want to hear, even how they want other people to act. They’re also the people I generally want to hang around the least. They remind me of how ignorant a person I used to be, and offer no interesting conversation (because I usually already know everything they have say).

There are many more people I can’t figure out, both ones I like and dislike. I don’t profess to be smart enough to understand anyone, and I certainly don’t think that being able to do this makes me a more intelligent person. It’s just odd to suddenly come to such understandings sometimes. I instantly lose respect for the person, and wish I hadn’t gotten to this point.

In these cases it’s probably better to be ignorant.

I find that I’ve become more attracted to unconventional beauty lately. Well, that’s not to say that my past propensities have been completely traditional. Aaron thinks that my whole speech impediment thing is just me trying to be a unique person. I’m not really insulted by this (even though I’d normally be, especially since I have a great respect for Aaron’s opinions) simply because I think that if he had any…interesting tastes, he’d understand.

I once had a discussion with Trolley about the fact that almost any type of fetish made sense to me — hair, lolicon, necrophilia, rape, scatology, plucked chickens — except for foot fetishes. I mean, most of these all have very deep-rooted psychological justifications. Sex with animals, for example, may turn someone on due to feelings of dominance over an animal, or a belief that they are making something feel blissful pleasure (perhaps as a compensation for insecurity in being able to pleasure someone). Most any sort of fantasy can be relatively easily justified.

Aaron and I were even able to find a justification for bad teeth fetishes, which is an interesting idea since I know so many people who can’t stand crooked teeth. He knows people who only date others who are “less attractive” than them, and we take this as a sign that these people may be insecure about their looks, and are turned on when viewed as the more attractive person in the couple. Of course, this can be related to any sort of “flaw” that may be found in someone.

I once knew a girl who was turned on by guys using calculators, and I can easily relate this to my “girls wearing glasses” proclivity, insofar as being extremely attracted to intelligence, both being a sort of physical (albeit possibly societal) manifestation of an intangible thing.

Feet, however, I can only justify when related to the tribal tradition of feet-forehead touching. Subordination is represented in the younger people touching the feet of the elders with their foreheads. Perhaps someone may be attracted to the fact that they are brought to the level of the toe sucking, similar to the idea of dominance. It’s hard for me to even see foot fetishes on a basic physical level, which is easily done for breasts or waists, etc. unless one considers the impact of society on what people find attractive.

I can just see all the hits I’m going to get from interesting search strings now.

Most of my propensities can be easily explained, although I get various odd reactions when people find out, and most are either laughing too hard or too weirded out to allow an explanation. Speech impediments are something I just can’t seem to justify, although such an ineffable thing has allowed me to more easily accept the quirks of other peoples tastes.

So there’s this girl who works at Folio and she wears glasses and turtlenecks and is there whenever I buy something and I doubt other guys would find her as attractive as I do.

People in relationships can be divided into two categories; those who love the self and those who love the other. Every relationship is different, not just in the sense of a different pair of people, but also in the idea of the same person with a different girlfriend or boyfriend. Although someone may be of a certain category through one relationship, they may fall into the other category in another. Even crossing categories through the same relationship is possible, depending on the dynamic of a couple.

The lovers of the self care about the other person, but only insofaras their own vested interests are concerned. When the desire of this type of lover begins to outgrow what the relationship can offer, the bond weakens and often breaks. The main concern of this type is what they are getting out of the relationship.

The lovers of the other are lovers in the classical sense of the word. These are the people with an honest love, the ones who care most about whether or not the other person is happy. This type of lover is the one least willing to break a relationship, the one who is more willing to sacrifice or compromise.

Relationships are based on matchings of these two types. A relationship between two lovers of the self will last as long as there is no conflict involved. Once a disagreement is reached, neither party cares enough to make the relationship work. On the other hand, a relationship between two lovers of the other is the ideal match, and generally the longest lasting. Both people are committed and willing to work out any problems that may arise. Usually, the only break in the relationship may be from base conflicts (disagreement on issues which are too basic to work out or compromise about, such as adoption).

The most common type of match, however, is with one lover of the self and one lover of the other. At the end of such a relationship one is left unaffected while the other is broken-hearted, and the end of such a thing, in my experience, is inevitable. In cases like this, I’ve found myself on both sides of the coin.

And regretting nothing of either.

John and I helped Nick move in rather early this morning. Nick treated us to breakfast at the Elgin Street Diner, although rule #3,462 of the Male Code states that “The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. The reward formula is as follows: (hours of labor) x (number of boxes) x (flights of stairs) / dollars, in hundreds, of damage to belongings = beers owed”, so sayeth the scriptures.