Posts tagged with "sex"

Sex In Between

One time, she sud­den­ly asked me, “Have you had sex with any­one else?”, which she used to imply as between the last time and what we were about to do. It was a valid ques­tion, since we’re both sen­si­tive to the pro­lif­er­a­tion of Cupid’s itch and Venus’s curse.

I was insult­ed that she asked, because at the time I felt like sex with some­one else would have been cheat­ing on her. As uncom­mit­ted as the rela­tion­ship was, she still had my heart, and con­se­quent­ly, oth­er parts of my body as well. I’m also not like that, and it takes a lot before I decide to be inti­mate with some­one. But at the same time, I was flat­tered that she thought I would or could, a lit­tle boost to my ego that is rarely ruled by machis­mo or testos­terone.

I haven’t either”, she reas­sured, which was some­thing I nat­u­ral­ly assumed of my mod­est muse, so it was of lit­tle com­fort to me.

Sexual Secret

Secrets aren’t so bad
We’re too young to feel safe
I don’t deserve all this now
Don’t want to feel I’ve made mis­takes

I want to tell you every­thing
I want to tell you every­thing
But if I tell you every­thing
What we can build won’t mean a thing

Secret’s Aren’t So Bad, Magneta Lane

There’s this thing, this sex­u­al thing I like. I mean real­ly like. It’s not exact­ly deviant, but cer­tain­ly some­thing that some girls may find gross or unap­peal­ing.

Even though it’s such a big deal to me, I nev­er told any of my girl­friends about it. Only one of them liked it, and even she did­n’t know how impor­tant it was to me, because it was some­thing she want­ed from me.

I know most of my girl­friends would have prob­a­bly indulged me (at least once in a while) if I told them, but I nev­er did. Not because it’s embar­rass­ing, but because I nev­er want­ed any of them to feel oblig­ed or pres­sured into doing it. I always think that one day, I’ll tell the right per­son because she’ll ask me what I like, and she’ll do it for me because she loves me. None of them have, yet, maybe because it’s nev­er got­ten bor­ing in the bed­room.

So for now, it remains this lit­tle secret I keep, because secrets aren’t so bad. They can be lit­tle gems that bring peo­ple clos­er togeth­er. So why reveal them all so soon?

On Isotretinoin

I recent­ly start­ed a course of Isotretinoin, a strong med­ica­tion used to cure severe acne by alter­ing DNA tran­scrip­tion. For some rea­son, my acne has real­ly flared up in my late twen­ties. I would get huge cysts on my face that would last for weeks, not to men­tion the hyper-pig­men­ta­tion that would last even longer after the cyst went away. Needless to say, it was mak­ing me very anti-social when I was talk­ing to peo­ple and felt like there was a huge dis­trac­tion on my face.

I was referred to a der­ma­tol­o­gist, who gave me a pre­scrip­tion for “full strength” (accord­ing to my body weight) to see if I could han­dle the side effects. The phar­ma­cist asked me if she made a mis­take because they don’t offer a dosage that strong, so now I take a com­bi­na­tion of two dosages.

Due to the poten­cy of the med­ica­tion, there’s a huge list of side effects. The scari­est is the mood changes. I’m sup­posed to stop the dose if I start expe­ri­enc­ing:

  • changes in my mood such as becom­ing depressed, feel­ing sad, or hav­ing cry­ing spells
  • los­ing inter­est in my usu­al activ­i­ties
  • changes in my nor­mal sleep pat­terns
  • becom­ing more irri­ta­ble or aggres­sive than usu­al
  • los­ing my appetite
  • becom­ing unusu­al­ly tired
  • hav­ing trou­ble con­cen­trat­ing
  • with­draw­ing from fam­i­ly and friends
  • hav­ing thoughts about tak­ing my own life

As a per­son who’s suf­fered from sui­ci­dal thoughts in the past, this was quite a fright­en­ing propo­si­tion. I asked my friends to be aware, just in case I don’t notice any changes in myself.

So far though, the only side effect has been extreme­ly dry skin, espe­cial­ly on the face. The lips have been the worst; I can’t eat or drink any­thing with­out apply­ing a thick lay­er of mois­tur­iz­er on them, oth­er­wise they peel like mad.

There’s also a dry­ing of mucous mem­branes. To relieve the chap­ping, I’ve start­ed smear­ing Vaseline in my nose.

Prior to this, the only time I used Vaseline was as a sex­u­al lubri­cant.

Now I get aroused every time I breathe in.

The Eyes

The eyes

The first thing I notice about a girl is her face, but the eyes are what hold my atten­tion.

Especially eyes like this.

Big, round, and pure. They’re the ulti­mate sign of fem­i­nin­i­ty, because they con­vey inno­cence, youth, vital­i­ty.

Sometimes, the most inti­mate and per­son­al thing you can do — from hav­ing a con­ver­sa­tion to mak­ing love — is make eye-con­tact.

Tears as a Turn-On

It became painful­ly obvi­ous that my turn-on of girls cry­ing is relat­ed to my own pen­chant for sad love­mak­ing.

I’ve always liked the idea of bring­ing some­one from tears to bliss­ful phys­i­cal plea­sure. Like make-up sex with­out the fight­ing.

A girl was able to do that for me once, so I’ve always want­ed to be able to do it for some­one else.

Either that, or my sad­ness is min­gling with my lust.