I wasn’t going to write today, but the gentle light from the setting sun, along with the mild, windless chill, has affected me in such a manner that I wish only to speak of the boundless beauty that the weather can provide. I’m reminded of the spring walks home from Ashley’s house, feeling the cool air through my hair with the pale orange sky above my head. Pure contentment.

Progress on my essays has not been going well. I have spent the last half week on geology, and still have less than two pages done. I wish the terminology wasn’t so market based. Fuck.

I was able to go rock climbing for a second time with Trolley, Cristina, Aaron, Wheaties, Nick, Greg, Amanda, and Simon. It was great to have so many people go at once, so that we could just wonder around and see how other people were doing. I was able to scale three more walls that I wasn’t able to last time, which were all 5.6’s. The tips of my fingers were raw at the end from belaying so much. My forearm strength is currently the first thing to give, so I wasn’t very sore the next day. We headed out to Perkins after and pigged out on good food. What a great fucking time.

I was able to ask Simon about his tongue stud, and he told me that out of all the piercings he’s had (ears and eyebrow), the tongue was the least painful by far, due to the fact that the nerve endings are all on the surface of the tongue. Once the spike goes through the tongue, nothing is felt afterwards. New information that I’ll have to consider.

Tuesday. Brideshead Revisited. Jeremy Irons is one sexy, sexy man.

Dolores has been extra cuddly these last few days, and I’ve been woken up by her turning a few times, before nestling on my legs or stomach. I feel bad that I feel so constricted every time she settles down, causing me to toss and turn. It’s as if itches only come once a cat has found a pillow in your lap.

Somehow, I did manage to fall asleep in class today, and it was great. I felt much better the rest of the day.

I’ve been racking my brain over a question on one of my assignments. I haven’t worked this hard on one question the whole term, but I did manage to solve the problem. I eventually had to e-mail my prof to get some help, and she was extremely helpful.

I finally watched through the end of Safe. Parts of it made me very angry. Parts of it made me feel very sick. There was a great lack of emotion in the film. I felt as if it was supposed to come from the audience. When some characters did become emotional, it was very interesting. It’s not really my choice of subject matter, but I found it to be a movie which was well put together.

I’m pleased with the way my story came out on Sunday. I feel that it portrays the situation in a proper manner, which is the most significant part. It always seems as if my best work is accidental, and that I don’t actually have any talent, just some good luck.

It reminded me of home, when I would walk back from Ashley’s house on the shining pavement.

I got 14 hours of sleep today, and I still feel a little drowsy. My exhaustion must be catching up to me.

I figured out that I have four mid-terms and three assignments due next week. I really should be working harder. I got today off both work and school, since it’s a school holiday, and I made up my work hours on Tuesday. I was only able to finish one assignment today, since I generally just felt lackadaisical.

It’s amazing to find out what people blame for their misfortunes. The latest sniper killings have the Washington Post going on about how the deaths are computer game related, the connection between “I am god” to “god mode” in games. I wish people would understand that anything can cause someone to murder, and that it’s not popular culture that simply leads someone to take a life, it’s most likely a mental heatlh issue that develops without relation to a game. Popular culture may provide an idea for a method of murder, but the idea that a game can spark someones willingness to kill seems completely ridiculous to me.

I’m extremely tired. My kitten kept me up all night. She took the middle of the bed, so I kinda had to sleep around her. I kept waking up, every time I needed to shift positions, scared that I would crush her. I’ve been playing with her during the evening so she loses a bit of the nocturnal instinct to go crazy at night. I named her Dolly, after Nobokov’s character Dolores Haze. I needed to keep the name under two syllables, and I think that it’s a good symbol of the way one can never tell whether a cat or human is the master, just as you couldn’t tell whether Dolores or Humber was in control.

I feel so unorganized. I have so many things to do it seems. Take care of this, take care of that. I think that I’ve brought a lot of responsibility on myself, adopting a kitten, applying for a Big Brother position, doing this and doing that. I think that I feel much more mature and important when I do all this. Perhaps it’s a cry for attention, but I doubt it. It feels like I’m suddenly being overloaded with things to do. I didn’t finish a single one of the three assignments that I had due this week. I’ve actually been losing sleep, which is an extremely rare thing for me.

I felt so guilty about those assignments. I’m pretty sure that I failed one of them. I just need to keep everything in perspective, something that Sam taught me so long ago it seems. Everything feels so chaotic, spiraling outwards like Yeats’ falcon from the falconer. Not that I think the Second Coming as at hand, of course, but things just seem so complicated right now. They’re nothing compared to other peoples’ problems, I know, but I’m not use to being so responsible.