I’m thinking about going home for a little while, since I haven’t been in quite a few months. I’ve seen John and Darren through cottage trips and visits nonetheless, but I haven’t actually talked to my parents since the beginning of the summer.

There’s an Old Boys reunion dinner happening at the College some time this month, as well as Association-Day, something I haven’t attended for seven years (Brendan Fraser was in attendance the last time I went). I don’t think I’m quite ready for a reunion yet, although I’m sure if John was there I’d be fine. The focus is on five-year, 10-year, and 15-year Old Boys though, so I’d feel awkward with the abundance of younger five-year guys and the older 10-year guys there.

It would be nice to revisit the old, familiar College grounds with John after so long. I haven’t actually been back since I first started university, when John and I got together and snuck into the newly finished rec centre. My most vivid memory would be walking along the huge fields of emerald grass with John on our lunch breaks, while my least favourite memory would probably have to be the people. If Fitzgerald were to interview me for a sequel to Old Boys, I’m sure I’d have quite a few words to say.

Around the same time last year, the Canadian Womans soccer team were competing against the US in a final match in Calgary. I broke up with Christie. I bought John a PS2 with Virtua Fighter. John’s cousin was at the cottage with his dragon tattoo half finished and half payed for. John and Julia were going out. I hadn’t adopted Dolly yet. I had no job and no school.

I am still reading Moby Dick.

It’s difficult for me to imagine being done school, that I can start living as a free person. I’ve been in school for so long that I begin to expect another term in the near future. Yet I’m done (as long as I didn’t fail anything) and I have a great deal of options. But what would I really want to do with my life? A university diploma will only help me get a tiny part of what I want to achieve.

Odd that I live so day-to-day, yet have a few goals planned for decades in advance. Even if I haven’t achieved a single goal by the time I die, I’ll feel decently satisfied. I enjoy being able to appreciate everything I do each day. A great deal of thinking needs to be done before I keep going. And while the future seems uncertain, while the world seems to be turned upside down, I feel comforted.

It’s understanding and realization that bind my world together, that bring meaning to anything I do.

This has been one of the most stressful weeks I’ve had in recent memory. I have to organize my trip home, my trip to the Dominican, my living arrangements, and my studying within the next day or two. I’ve decided to take the bus home, since it will be much cheaper than the train, but I haven’t decided when to go yet. I also can’t book a return ticket until I find out if John is going to his cottage or not. My living arrangements have become even more complicated. Between giving my two months notice and finding out whether Nick and I have been accepted at an apartment, I have to figure everything out by the time I leave for home.

I’ve mainly been studying for my two finals in the last few days. I’ve tried really hard at my graphics final, so hopefully I’ll be able to pass it. Otherwise, I’ll be taking a software engineering course in the summer to make up for the lost credits, which will delay my graduation a possible eight months. Geology hasn’t been going well, as I’m finding it extremely difficult to concentrate. In the end, all that matters is that I’ve tried my best.

Trolley and Wheaties have bought Canadian domains, and registered with the provider which hosts me. It will be interesting to see what the domain is finally used for, aside from their metric time system.

I will be going home soon, and Dolores will be taking up residence at Trolley’s for the week. Hopefully, she will get along with Nala by the end. I look forward to playing Magic: The Gathering at Coffee Time, meeting JG, talking with Sam, hanging out with Darren and John, blazing, and just generally relaxing.

Studying has not been going well. I find it difficult to get motivated, both exams being a week away. I’d much rather be trying to improve my win ratio or working on my book, than learning about orthogonal view mathematics or mesothermal vein deposits. I might just write off the rest of the afternoon as relaxation.

Using my tax return as justification, I bought a set of Candela’s a few days ago. After seeing a movie in which a restaurant displays a beautiful set of mood lighting, I was inspired to give some more personality to my rather drably room. My Christmas lights do add a bit of mood, but they are too bright to feel comfortable. I also bought a blue single, in case one of them burns out, and so that I can have a bit of colour at my disposal. I don’t like the fact that they run on NiCads though, making them have the troublesome characteristic of memory. I’d like to just leave it on until I go to bed, but I’m afraid I’d have to let them “burn out”, although I’m sure that lithium ion batteries would have doubled the price as well as the weight, and halved the lifespan of each Candela.

My computer desperately needs a formatting.

I caught Basic this afternoon with Aaron and Chris. It wasn’t very good; the plot had way too many twists to it. I spent the entire time trying to figure out what the hell was going on and admiring Connie Nielson’s distinguished and weathered face (oh my).