I’m almost certain that I’ll be failing the classes I’ve taken this term. The exams are in a few days, and I only started studying, no, learning the material yesterday. It just seems so pointless to try passing a class when the credits will expire anyway. Sure, they don’t expire for a few years, but I don’t plan on going back to school within the next decade, if ever. This wouldn’t be a worry if I wasn’t working almost full-time and moving in the same week, but that doesn’t really seem to matter. I have a history of failing stuff at the right time. The two core courses I failed during my comp sci degree didn’t hold me back and I was able to make them up without a hitch. Now I’ll be failing two courses I don’t need. As long as I try my hardest to pass, given the circumstances, I won’t feel guilty whatever the outcome.

I’m insanely busy. I have two exams next week, both of which I haven’t started studying for yet. Actually I haven’t even been to class in about a month. Once I found out that my credits would expire in a few years, I lost all desire to do well, since I don’t plan on going back to school in a few years. I’m also moving next weekend, and have only packed three boxes so far. Things just keep popping up. Table tennis sessions, pot lucks, barbecues, unexpected phone calls, blah blah blah. For once, I wish that I had a weekend to myself, where I could relax and read.

I can’t study without rewards. This may possibly be the fault of my parents, telling me from an early age that I’d earn something for every spelling test I got perfect. I told some of my classmates at the time, who would earn nothing but the paltry praise of their parents, and they rather precociously told me that such a system was unhealthy. Of course, I was too young to understand such things at the time, and now I find myself unable to be motivated to study without thinking that I’ll get to do something fun as a break.

I’ve been trying to study for my accounting mid-term all week, and couldn’t actually get started until I knew that there was something entertaining I could do. At first it was playing Chrono Cross, but my emulator was just too buggy. Then it was trying to make a new background, but it ended up being too much thinking for a break. I moved onto Uru, and I’ve been playing it ever since. I have to admit that there are worlds that completely take my breath away. It’s one of the few games that really make me appreciate a high-end GPU. I wish I could be playing with Trolley, but I rather like being able to solve the puzzles by myself. I’m always, always, ALWAYS the slowest one in figuring things out, and never the one who gets the answer if I’m playing in a group.

I feel old.

I’m forced to sit in class for hours, listening to the paltry conversations of the people around me. I understand that not everyone talks about something intellectual every second of the day, but most of these conversations are beyond stupid. What I hate most are the people who ask the prof questions, and then say, “That doesn’t make any sense”. Yes, it does make sense. You just don’t understand, you fucking idiot. Why are so many people so megalomaniacal as to assume that they’re smart and able to comprehend anything?

I sent in an application to the economics programme at Carleton before I left for Hong Kong last year, and got an offer of admission when I got back. I accepted the offer on Monday, registered for two courses, and started going back to university for a second degree. One of my courses is on TV, so I’m getting Trolley to tape it for me as an excuse to head over there and try some of my duty free Villager Premium No. 7s with him. My other course is a concentrated introduction to economics, so it’s two three hour classes each week, making it the exact equivalent of two courses itself. I’ll try to get an introduction to accounting course next week as a fourth course, when the academic advisor is free and not being a bitch.

I’m going to switch my major to business in the summer and specialize in marketing. Since I have a degree in computer science, I’m considered a third year student already, since a lot of my credits transferred over. If everything works out (prerequisites, degree restrictions, course availability) I could have a second degree at the end of the year.

My first class was yesterday with quite a few first year students, some of them six years my junior I’m willing to bet. Six years. More than half the class was Asian.