For most of my life, I felt like I was young for my age.

I remember the later years of elementary school. I would be the one wearing things like jogging pants on the civies¹ days. The other kids would be smoking under the bridge, starting playground fights over girls, contracting gonorrhea through sexual contact. Even in high school I was eating lunch on the bleachers with John while others were ODing on rat poison, winning worldwide math competitions, or being featured on cover articles of Macleans.

I had never really understood how people grow up. Most adults I know have been the way they are for their entire lives. Due to the fact that I can only figure out the changes I’ve made in six month cycles, I’ve mostly grown in small, undetectable increments.

It’s only in the last six months that things have changed. I’ve reached my (previously life-long) goal, not gradually, but rather suddenly and unexpectedly. Interestingly enough, this was due to three different factors, and I suspect that I wouldn’t have been able to reach this point without every single one of them.

Now I feel old for my age.

The Trinary Maturity Series

1. Introduction
2. The Job
3. The Girlfriend
4. The House
5. (In)Conclusion

1. Days where we didn’t have to wear uniforms, a short form of “civilian” [↑]

The best thing about graduating university and having a job is that nothing follows me home. For almost all of my life, up until this point, I felt like a slave to homework, projects, and tests. I’d never have a weekend where I could just relax, and not think about the next thing that I should be working on. Even in the summers I felt guilty for not getting a head start on next years material.

Now it’s just pure relaxation. No more worry about failing something or running out of money. The only thing left to work on is me, and I have the rest of my life for that.

The exam I wrote today may possibly be the last one of my university career. I don’t plan on going back to school any time in the future. It was both the most and least satisfying exam I’ve ever written. I’m positive that I failed, so it’s sort of a sour note to end on, but I’m also ecstatic to be out of school. I approached my final computer science exam written last year with hesitation. The entire tech sector was suffering at the time, development jobs were already scarce, and I was about to be thrown into limbo. Now that I’m done, and nothing follows me home, I’ll have time to work on a few extra projects I haven’t finished yet. That also means that I can hang out with Aaron and Trolley more, or go home to visit Darren and John on the long weekends. As for Pat, I’ve learned to let him arrange the subsequent meeting because he’s always busier than I am.

Today, I left the exam two hours early, after throwing everything I knew on the page. I stepped out into the refreshing spring weather, when it’s between a brisk fall day and a summer night.

Just finished writing my economics exam. I found out last night that the exam was at 9:00 am instead of 2:00 pm. Usually, I make a last minute check of the schedule before I go to sleep the day before, so it was a shock. The last few hours before an exam are integral in my ability to pass, so my plan to study with Aaron basically fell through.

I have no idea how well I did though. Going in, I was thinking that it would be a sure fail, but I ended up confidently answering the majority of the questions. I only read through the material once, and didn’t do any review. If I do somehow end up passing this course, than either:

• I can remember 90% of what I understand or
• economics is a really easy program compared to comp sci, or
• first year courses are extremely simple after passing fourth year ones, or
• there was some sort of divine intervention

I’ve decided that just passing one of my courses will my satisfying. That way the term won’t be a complete waste.

I’m almost certain that I’ll be failing the classes I’ve taken this term. The exams are in a few days, and I only started studying, no, learning the material yesterday. It just seems so pointless to try passing a class when the credits will expire anyway. Sure, they don’t expire for a few years, but I don’t plan on going back to school within the next decade, if ever. This wouldn’t be a worry if I wasn’t working almost full-time and moving in the same week, but that doesn’t really seem to matter. I have a history of failing stuff at the right time. The two core courses I failed during my comp sci degree didn’t hold me back and I was able to make them up without a hitch. Now I’ll be failing two courses I don’t need. As long as I try my hardest to pass, given the circumstances, I won’t feel guilty whatever the outcome.