presents // equivocality

I’ve always believed the best gifts are things we would want but wouldn’t buy ourselves cause we couldn’t justify the purchase (regardless of how much it costs), or something handmade by the giver. Good gifts also happen just because, not necessarily due to a birthday or holiday. Lisa says this ideal makes me an intimidating gift-giver. John used to call me a professional consumer, cause I have a tendency to purchase what I want without hesitation, which I imagine makes me even harder to shop for.

Recently, people have been giving me awesome things for absolutely no reason at all, and each gift is thoughtful, practical, and just my taste. It must be really hard to find presents that will make me happy, but that just makes them all the more special when they do.

These were in my mailbox one night. The event was actually a strip-spelling competition, and Shawn won “best stripper”, the reward being the CD of cat purring. The other guy won the “best speller” award and got the book. They had to follow him out of the cafe and ask him for it, cause it was totally meant for me obviously. Shawn has said I’m a cat for as long as I’ve known him.

I had tea with Heather in a cafe last winter, and we had a conversation about design and how satisfying it felt to hold these mini teacups. Somehow, she remembered and found them and bought me a set. They’re mouth-blown so each one is unique, and insulated by double-wall borosilicate glass.

Lisa got me this book safe, made out of an edition of Ernest Hemingway’s Selected Letters, for secrets big and small. The choice of what book to use in making a book safe is very important, as it has to blend in with a library collection, but also not be so recent or interesting as to make someone picking it up.

It has little magnets embedded in the frame and cover to make sure it stays closed even when stored vertical. This little detail was what swayed her decision to go with this particular crafter, and something you learn is very important if you ever try to keep your stash hidden from…uhhh…cats.

Louise gave me a gorgeous copy of the Tao Te Ching. It’s translated by James Legge, with classic Chinese art from the Cleveland Museum of Art. What’s especially cool is that the fonts used for the titles is Avenir, which is the same font I used for my second Tao tattoo.

It’s perfect because I feel like I’ve strayed from the path lately. It’s been a few weeks since I picked up the book and read a few verses.

I really like the fact that many of the pages have no verses, and only artwork. It’s nice enough that I’ll probably keep it out on my coffee table, instead of in my bookshelf hidden in a closet¹.

She also gave me this bamboo bookmark, with a Confucian saying on it. I find it funny because Confucianism opposes Taoism, though they both have very good ideas.

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Not that I don’t like to display books, I just prefer to keep a neat house. [↩]

More people need to give me presents like this.

Pat and Jen bought me this feather fountain pen set from their honeymoon to Europe. It comes from an Italian sculpture store, Fabris Giuliana in Venice, Italy.

The nib is super fine; I don’t think I’ve ever owned a fountain pen with such a small nib, which is perfect, because I tend to have small handwriting. You can’t even tell which direction the stroke is going. So far it writes a little rough and scratchy, but with enough use, the nib will break in to my writing style.

I’ve always enjoyed writing. Not just the concept of putting ideas into more a tangible medium, but the act of writing itself, whether it’s on a keyboard by night, or flowing lines on a sheet of paper.

Updated tastes for 2008. Many items from my 2006 and 2007 lists are crossed out, which is why categories like “furniture” aren’t smaller now.

I’ve been told that I’m notoriously hard to shop for. Not only am I extremely picky, I have esoteric (and expensive) tastes, and I usually buy — and so, have — the things that I want. This year, I realized that good gifts are things people want, but which they don’t buy for themselves because they can’t justify the cost. It doesn’t have to be lavish, but maybe a little overpriced, something you wouldn’t necessarily buy for yourself.

Photography

Canon EOS 5D Mark II (about $2800) — Yep. This is the big one. I had the Mark I on my list back in 2006. This one is full frame, does dust cleaning, and records video now. Even though I have a camcorder already, I want this for low-light and low depth-of-field work that consumer camcorders simply can’t provide.

Housewares

Tea Forté Morehouse glass ($25) — A double-walled glass that can be used to keep tea warm (or iced tea cold). Made with a cover for the leaf on Tea Forté pyramid bags to stick out. No condensation means no coaster needed. Love the design and functionality.
Tea Forté tea trays (×2) ($7) — For holding individual tea tags. Comes in sets of two with four colour choices, but I like bone white.
Bodum Assam 1.5L teapot ($50) — My previous, smaller Assam teapot broke (rather easily) as I was cleaning out the filter. I can’t give up my love of Bodum products though. I already have tea makers for single servings, but I don’t have a pot for when I have guests over.
Oxo Candela Flare (set of eight) ($130) — I’d put these on the banister that separates my hallway from the stairs. It’s pretty bland right now.

Furniture

B2C Expandable Dining Table ($699) — To replace the cheap, scratched-up dining table I have in my kitchen now. Frosted glass? More like frosted sexiness.

Gadgets

Tenori-On ($1200) — I’ve been waiting for this to be available in Canada for more than a year, and it’s finally come. I’ve always wanted to get into music as another medium of creativity. I come from a musical background (as opposed to visual arts), but the Tenori-On combines both, in a simple, easy-to-use interface.
Aromatherapy Car Diffuser ($16) — For keeping the car fresh, with refillable scent pads.
Apple Wireless Bluetooth Keyboard ($80) — I’m hoping the next MacWorld Expo will announce an update, not a discontinuation, to the Mac Mini, which I’d get for a home theatre system (my TV is soon to be disconnected because I don’t use it enough). If this holds to be true, I’d have to buy a keyboard, which I could already use now.
MicroFly Tiny R/C Hovering UFO ($20) — Small and easy-to-fly. Something I’d use to play with Dolly.
Colibri Throttle Silver Plaid Lighter ($60) — Much to my dismay, the electro-quartz trigger on my old Colibri died. It was one Christie gave me for my birthday, with my name engraved on it. I’ve been looking for a lighter ever since, and this is the first one I’ve ever really considered. I’m super-picky about lighter design.
Auto LED ($25) — Plugs into the cigarette lighter of the car, and glows blue (which would match the meters of my car). Pull it out, and it becomes a handy-dandy flashlight.

Games

Rez ($20) — One of the most underrated and genre-busting games of the PS2.
Devil May Cry 3: Special Edition ($20) — DMC has always been one of those series I hear about, but never got a chance to try. The special edition adds gameplay and fixes various issues.
Metal Slug Anthology ($20) — I love the arcady feel of Metal Slug. Something you can turn on, and play with your brain off. The entire series in one game? Yes, please.

My friends know I don’t celebrate my birthday, because I don’t believe in rituals¹. I went through most of Thursday without anyone mentioning anything, aside from Louise calling me from the road, reminding me that we were going out for lunch the next day — which the three of us do on our birthdays at work.

So when I got home around 9:30 that night — tired and hungry after Tai Chi — I was surprised to find a letter taped to my front door. This letter lead to my birthday game:

Then, before I went to bed, I realized I had two phone messages:

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Hearing Dan and his family singing was awesome, but hearing my dad’s voice was something else. He had never called to wish me happy birthday himself; it was a day only my mom would remember, and she would always pass the phone to him.

It seems like every year I expect nothing to happen, but I end up being surprised in one way or another.

And this was before I discovered Taoism [↩]

Another Christmas with Shirley and her family, although this time Bill’s family came down as well. I spent Christmas Eve night and Christmas day at their house, partaking in the Christmas experience with those who believe in the importance of such a ritual.

We were wrapping presents (from “Santa”) until midnight on Christmas Eve. The tree must have been raised the two feet off the ground to fit everything underneath. Negotiations went on through the night as to what time to wake up, but the kids woke us up at 6:30 anyway. Looking back on the pictures of 2005, you can tell how much they’ve grown in just two years.

Loads more pictures behind the cut.

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A look into my current tastes, updated for 2007. This list is somewhat shorter than last years because the ones I haven’t checked off still apply, and I’ve been guilty of some spending this month; The first two seasons of Robson Arms on DVD (which I desperately waited two years for), season six of Trailer Park Boys, my mittens, a RAZR 2 (the cell phone I’ve had for five years died), an electric toothbrush, and various gifts.

Photography

Bogen / Manfrotto Background Support System 314 ($280) — To quickly set up different coloured backgrounds in my photography room.

Bought it on sale, which was still $260.
Arca-Swiss Monoball Z1 Ballhead ($475) — My current tripod isn’t strong enough to hold most of my lenses in place, and the locking mechanism is extremely chintzy. Very frustrating when working with dark shots. A ballhead would give me tremendous flexibility.
Gitzo GT3530LSV Mountaineer 6x Carbon Fiber Tripod Legs ($625) — Carbon fiber tubing makes for an extremely light and portable set of tripod legs. Packed with all the important little features like an anti-leg rotation system, the Gitzo leg locking system, and removable rubber feet.

Furniture

Rubix Cube Ottoman ($129) — A black, two-toned square ottoman to go with my leather couch.

Housewares

~~Bodum Assam 2-Cup Tea Press~~ ($25) — I have one of these at home, but it would be great to have one at work too, so I can make more than one cup of tea at a time.

Julie bought me a Stokes gourmet Formosa tea infuser for Christmas 2008. A little chamber for loose leaves dangles from the top, as opposed to a press, which can create bitterness in tea.
Braun Impression WK 600 Kettle ($90) — A large kettle for my tea. Right now, I have to boil water in two cup intervals, which takes a while when guests are over.

Andrew and Alex bought me a similar model for my birthday, and it’s SWEET.
Tingler Head Massager ($15) — On Jason’s recommendation on my recent post about manual stimulation. The reviews say that it helps put you to sleep, and that can never be a bad thing.

Found a cheep one at Zone for five dollars! Doesn’t vibrate or anything but still pretty good. Next is finding someone to use it on me.

Games

Orange Box ($50) — A nostalgic trip back to the days of my favourite game ever: Team Fortress Classic for Half-Life. I hear the gameplay has changed a lot, but I don’t care. We’ll probably be playing this at the next LAN.
Odin Sphere ($40) — A side-scrolling fantasy RPG for the PS2 that I don’t want to miss.

Movies/Shows

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure OVA ($52) — My favourite anime of all time: a combination of fascinating universe, and very intelligent action. I currently have a copy in Japanese with French subtitles. While this helps me learn more French, I also don’t understand much the phrases.

Found a copy of this for download.
Reno 911 seasons 2–5 ($90) — An hilarious, original look at law enforcement. Trailer Park Boys from the other side of the law. I have the first season (thank you Music World for going out of business and giving me 20% off), but I’d love to get the rest, along with the movie.

Bought all of these on a lark. Did not regret the decision.

Eric, who used to work with me, introduced me to Brant Bjork, and stoner rock in general, about two years ago. It’s a genre that explores delightful repetition, where variations are subtle, but powerfully psychedelic.

[I]t is certainly accepted that the effects of marijuana and the often low or psychedelic riffs of stoner rock complement each other.

—Wikipedia, Stoner rock

I liken the idea to Plastikman’s debut album, Sheet One. Though of a different genre — trance — it features a perforated album cover, an homage to acid tab art, for which the LSD enhances the details of every single minimalistic beat (so I’m told).

While I’ve enjoyed Queens of the Stone Age, who are considered to be influenced by the stoner rock movement (indeed, Josh Homme and Brant Bjork formed pioneering band Kyuss while in high school), the sound is a little more commercial, less droning.

After I heard a few songs by Brant Bjork, I was hooked. I never associated it with a memory, which is what I do with almost all my songs, but it was good enough that I didn’t have to.

At Thanksgiving, during one of my trips through the mall with Andrew and Alex, I resumed my search for Brant Bjork’s solo album by the name of Jalamanta. It was a bigger city, a bigger place…maybe I’d have a better luck. Unfortunately, every music store gave me the same answer; it was an album they didn’t keep regularly in stock.

Alex asked me what I was looking for, the name of the album and artist, and I didn’t think anything of it.

Yesterday, I found a package in the mail. Fragile — CD, it said. Inside was the Brant Bjork CD I’ve been looking for, which they found at an independent music store. Along with the CD was a card made from my Pollen Junkie photo (which was taken in their garden), with a message written on the back.

And as great as it is to finally hear the songs I’ve been missing, as nice as it is to have an original release, it’s nothing compared to the thoughtfulness, the effort they made to find me exactly what I was looking for.

Update: Julie bought me a lucky bamboo plant, along with a vase filled with decorative rocks and a cute hand-drawn card. Very, very nice! Definitely an effort spent acquiring all these things, and much appreciated.

This week, I received a small package from Brenda and Jack.

It really touched me. Not because of the amount of things in it, but because of what was in it.

A T’ai Chi handbook. Dark, thin chocolates; my favourite kind. A chopstick rest in the shape of a cat. They even put money in a red envelope, following the Chinese tradition of wedded couples giving money to the unmarried. Everything in a red bag with red wrapping paper, the Chinese colour of luck. This isn’t their culture, but they’ve made the effort to understand it. They probably had to go out of their way to find this stuff, things which aren’t available just anywhere.

I’ve done nothing to deserve this.

The funny thing is that Brenda and Jack are the parents of an ex. I can hear John warning me, “They laced the chocolates with arsenic”. I’ve been fortunate enough to get along with the parents of many of my girlfriends. I used admit to Pat that I wish they could replace my own.

It made me wonder if sometimes, in the back of my mind, I would stay in those relationships because of them.

These are people who know me and my interests.

More than my own parents ever did.

This used to be my favourite season.

I don’t even know why. Christmas was always about tedious gatherings. Each parental group of friends and family — consisting only of Chinese people — would take turns hosting parties. As one of the “kids”, I was thrust in a room with the other sons and daughters. People I only saw once a year, with whom I had nothing in common. Some years, I’d go to six different houses in two weeks.

My parents would always host New Year’s. Some time ago, with the money I earned from my first job, I bought them a classy fondue set and fondue book for them to use as hosts. They never opened the box, or even cracked the spine of the book. It broke my heart.

The things that people gave me never made things better. Gifts were always safe.

Monetary certificates. Sweaters. Cheap stationary. Nothing personalized. Nothing from the heart. Nothing I ever needed or wanted. It was merely a display of how little people knew or cared about me. It would have meant more if they gave the money to charity.

The one reprieve during the holidays was being able to see Darren, sneaking out in the middle of a party to get stoned with him, or hanging out with John.

Then why did the holidays mean so much to me?

Maybe it was the atmosphere. The snow. The memories of Christmas in Hong Kong. The fact that people who had nothing in common would put up Christmas lights. Something that everyone believed in.

Even though I’ve received some beautiful, thoughtful gifts for once, even though I don’t really celebrate Christmas, I’m down. It’s too warm for the snow to stay. I didn’t buy presents for anyone. I’m working the short week between Christmas weekend and New Year’s weekend because I can’t afford any time off.

I suppose the holidays are what you make of them.

There have been many generous people — Louise, John, Aaron, Joel, Bronwen, Pat — who opened their houses to me today, but it’s not the same.

It’s made me realize that even though I loathed those gatherings back home, I still needed them.

To feel like I was part of something, part of a family, as dysfunctional as it was. Because of the divorce, there’s no home to go to for the first time in my life.

Christmas is dead this year, but it’s only a reflection of how dead I feel inside.

You know it’s getting close to the holidays when the fresh cupcakes at the local bakery start having Christmas tree sprinkles, so I thought I’d make a Christmas wish-list. Usually I have no problem spending money when I want something, but I’ve been saving my money as a goal lately. I’ve been good too, only spending $120 on myself in November (two movies, a toque, and winter shoe spikes) as opposed to the $500+ I normally do.

This isn’t a fantasy list by any means; these are practical things I eventually plan on buying. I just can’t justify getting them at this moment. Of course, I don’t actually expect any of these things to show up under a tree on the 25th, since I don’t celebrate Christmas, although this isn’t by choice.

Photography

Canon EOS 5D camera body ($3800) — The 5D supports a very nice 12.8 megapixels, but most importantly, it has a full-frame sensor that would let me take full advantage of my wide-angle lenses.
Canon EF 15mm f/2.8 Fisheye lens ($950) — For those extra-wide group shots, and stylish fisheye distortion.

Bought a used version of this great lens for roughly half the MSRP in early 2007.
Speedlite 580EX flash ($600) — I currently have the Speedlite 420EX, which can used as an off-camera slave to be set off remotely. It takes a flash like the 580EX to act as a wireless master.

Bought this flash with an umbrella and light stand in the summer of 2007. Extremely happy with the off-camera results.
Macro Ring Lite MR-14EX ($750) — Macro photos have been especially difficult because of the exaggerated camera shake with a 100mm lens. A nice macro flash would allow me to increase shutter speed, and get evenly lit shots.
Wacom Intuos 6x11” tablet ($450) — For editing my photos in Photoshop. I have one of these at work, and I can’t get over how much better a tablet is over a mouse.

I was starting to get shooting pains in my wrist and forearm, so I bought this tablet in early 2007 to ease the strain of mouse posture. It has greatly helped, and on top of that, working with brushes in Photoshop is a delight.

Games

Playstation 3 ($650) — I’m currently waiting on this one, since none of the launch titles interest me, but it’s my next-generation console of choice. I wanted the Wii for the longest time (back when it was codenamed Revolution), but the lack of HD support and dated hardware quickly turned me.
Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess ($60) — I can’t pass up the legendary last game in the Zelda series. It’s coming out in 12 days for the Gamecube, although I may see if I can borrow Pat’s/Aaron’s/Trolley’s Wii to play it with the Remote and Nunchuk instead.
Neverwinter Nights 2 ($60) — I’ve been waiting for this game ever since I finished the original Neverwinter Nights over two years ago. My next purchase was either this or Company of Heroes, but John bought me the latter for my birthday and so we could play online together. It was as much of a gift for himself.

Furniture

Saga sofa ($1400) — Getting this in a nice dark-brown leather is one of the options with which I’d like to replace my old Ikea couch. I wasn’t partial to leather until I saw the unit in the store, but it boosts the price closer to $1500.

Bought a Scotch couch in October 2007 from EQ3 in a black leather instead. Sold my old Ikea couch to help pay for this.
2MORROW side table ($150) — To go with the sofa.

Bought a frosted glass sidetable from the same series as my coffee table from Zone in late 2007 instead.
B2C 36″ storage ($550) — A place where I can store my books.
CONICK pendant light ($120) — I’d like to have this above my dining table. The light fixture I have now is a little dated.

I bought a rail light fixture from Ikea instead. It’s better for directional light, and much cheaper.

Appliances

Grind & Brew Thermal Automatic coffeemaker ($150) — This baby grinds, brews, and can be set on an automatic timer to do both right before you wake up. Unfortunately, it’d be all decaf for me.
Ultra Power Series stand blender ($180) — For smoothies. Because lunch sandwhiches get boring quickly.

Got myself a nice Hamilton Beach Eclectrics Blender at the beginning of the year. Been making smoothies almost daily ever since.

TV Shows

Six Feet Under ($230 for the complete series) — I’ve been wanting to watch these with Bronwen for a while now. I only got to the middle of the second season, but it really put the hook in me.
Trailer Park Boys ($150 for seasons 1–5) — I’ve seen up to season 3, and every year, the Trailer Park Boys keep me guessing about how much madder things will be in Sunnyvale Trailer Park.

Bought these up to the sixth season in early 2007 to watch with Bronwen. She loved them. Still looking for the Christmas special.
Battlestar Galactica ($100 for seasons 1 & 2) — I only got as far as the first season, and this is one of those shows that you can’t watch out of order because you’d be completely lost.

Movies

Best In Show ($20) — This movie charmed me the first time I saw it. One of those movies you can watch at almost any time. Christopher Guest at his best.
Punch Drunk Love ($16) — P.T. Anderson’s simple, beautiful love story.
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle ($15) — Because everything about this movie reminds me of summers with John.
Contact ($16) — The beginning of my fascination with astronomy. And Jodie Foster.

Louise bought me this for Christmas 2006.
Boys n the Hood ($16) — A movie that touches me, even though it’s set in a world completely removed from my own.
Waking Life ($10) — I wish I could explain what it is about this movie that draws me in so much. Maybe it’s the fact that every time I watch it, I understand something new. Also the first movie I ever saw high. Triptastic.
The Breakfast Club ($18) — The ultimate teen angst movie. Also currently the only movie to use the term “Neo-Maxi Zoom Dweebie”.

thoughtful things

People Being Nice To Me

Tatiana's Gift Basket

Feather Fountain Pen

Christmas Wish-List '08

Photography

Housewares

Furniture

Gadgets

Games

Birthday Surprises

Christmas Observer '07

Christmas Wish-List '07

Photography

Furniture

Housewares

Games

Movies/Shows

Present for the 27th

Presents For Chinese New Year's

Christmas Is Dead

Christmas Wish List '06

Photography

Games

Furniture

Appliances

TV Shows

Movies