Browsing entries tagged with "pieces of me"
02 Feb 10

Lover/Dreamer

Posted in: Thoughts | Tags: , , ,

(+5 bonus points if you get the album reference.)

Thumbnail: Heart in the window

I really do have love to give! I just don’t know where to put it!

—Quiz Kid Donnie Smith, Magnolia

Okay, I’ll admit it.

I need to love. I need it, the way I need to eat.

This is the same part of me that notices the faint outlines of hearts drawn in car windows. Also, the same part that marvels about that adolescent point in life, when one would draw something so simple and insignificant because the only worry was whether or not someone liked you back.

So when I don’t have someone to love, it fucking kills me.

25 Sep 09

No One Gets My Humour

Posted in: Daily Life, Random | Tags: ,

Sometimes, my sarcastic humour is so dry and subtle that people who don’t know me very well think I’m being serious. I try to say things that are so ridiculous they can only be taken as a joke, but it doesn’t always work. Example:

Yesterday, Jairus made pulled pork sandwiches (took him 8 hours!) that smelled soooo good they made me hungry, even though I had just eaten a huge dinner. As we were watching A Jihad For Love (about the coexistence of homosexuality and Islam), Jesse said, “Too bad these Muslims wouldn’t be able to enjoy this delicious pulled pork sandwich”. I said, “Oh, cause it’s pulled“, in a tone like I had just realized something, but what I thought was a joking manner. Everyone turned their heads at me, Ian said, “Cause it’s pork, yeah“, and he lingered on that yeah really slowly, like he was embarrassed for me, then everyone turned back to the TV. I’m pretty sure they all think I’m an idiot now, and that I thought Muslims have something against animals when they’re slow-cooked in vinegar sauce.

23 Sep 09

Pretentious with a Dash of Random

Hi, how’s it going.

When talking about haircuts, I always say, “My stylist”. As soon as this comes out of my mouth, I wonder if this makes me sound snooty and pretentious. Most people seem to say, “hairdresser”, which I imagine is the same thing, with the former being a way to charge an extra $15–30 for a haircut. But the only reason why I say “stylist” is because that’s what the receptionists say (“…and what stylist would you like?”) when booking appointments. But stylists are so different from barbers, in my experience. And my stylist has gone for courses in the US, so I’m thinking this actually gives him the title.

I also say “chacun à son goût” when the phrase is appropriate. I wonder if this makes me sound pretentious too. The only reason why I say that instead of “each to his own taste” is because I learned the expression first in grade 8 French class. There was a picture of King Henry saying, “chacun a MON gout!”, as if he was famous for being in demanding king. Ever since, I relate the phrase to the French. Sometimes, I imagine I’m in late Imperial Russia, when French was considered the hallmark of a civilized society, so people threw in French phrases to impress people or fit in. I imagine myself saying, “Ho ho, mon cher, je méprise les femmes pour ne pas les aimer car autrement la vie serait un mélodrame trop ridicule”, while throwing my head back with dainty laugh.

Sometimes my nights are spent like this:
Night spent

My favourite pastime at the moment is playing Flight Control while listening to music. I have a sort of running competition going with Pat (high score 99) and John (high score 67). So far I’ve been able to best their scores at 292, but now I’m trying to pad the victory even more, because Pat and John have as much of a healthy competitive streak as I do, and actually spend some extra effort trying to beat each other. So sometimes I’ll just sit down and put some music on and play. I’ve also tried cooking while playing, but my foods ends up getting burnt. There has also been some stand-up comedy listening while I play, but laughter always gets in the way of fine motor controls.

When I was younger, my parents owned a convenience store. It got held up a couple of times, late at night when my dad was working. He never talked about it, not because it was shocking, but because he didn’t care. Sometimes, I wonder how my dad felt with a gun pointed at him. One time they caught the three or four guys involved in one hold-up, and my dad had to go to court to testify. Somehow my dad handled it, but going through all of this would probably freak me out.

15 Jul 09

Sexual Secret

Posted in: Random | Tags: , ,

Secrets aren’t so bad
We’re too young to feel safe
I don’t deserve all this now
Don’t want to feel I’ve made mistakes

I want to tell you everything
I want to tell you everything
But if I tell you everything
What we can build won’t mean a thing

Secret’s Aren’t So Bad, Magneta Lane

There’s this thing, this sexual thing I like. I mean really like. It’s not exactly deviant, but certainly something that some girls may find gross or unappealing.

Even though it’s such a big deal to me, I never told any of my girlfriends about it. Only one of them liked it, and even she didn’t know how important it was to me, because it was something she wanted from me.

I know most of my girlfriends would have probably indulged me (at least once in a while) if I told them, but I never did. Not because it’s embarrassing, but because I never wanted any of them to feel obliged or pressured into doing it. I always think that one day, I’ll tell the right person because she’ll ask me what I like, and she’ll do it for me because she loves me. None of them have, yet, maybe because it’s never gotten boring in the bedroom.

So for now, it remains this little secret I keep, because secrets aren’t so bad. They can be little gems that bring people closer together. So why reveal them all so soon?

09 Jun 09

Surrounding Myself With Great People

Posted in: Random | Tags: ,

It’s hard for me to hang out with people with same bad habits as I have (or have had).

Habits like:

  • overreacting
  • worrying
  • analyzing or thinking too much
  • being judgmental
  • getting emotionally involved in arguments/discussions
  • putting value in material things
  • being impatient
  • getting too competitive

I always try to improve and refuse to accept these things in myself, so it’s hard for me to accept them in others. I’m also afraid that spending too much time with them would make me complacent, as I’d start to believe that these things are acceptable because other people are okay with it.

That’s why I surround myself with people who are better than me.

04 May 09

Boxer Briefs

Boxer briefs

She bought me these boxer briefs. Calvin Klein, body cut, lightweight cotton construction.

Until then, all the underwear I had were plaid XS boxers from The Gap that I could only find online, or XXL from Gap Kids, decorated with rockets, and basketballs, and skiers. I didn’t think she’d find anything else that would work on my small frame.

So this is my first pair of boxer briefs, and they fit. My sexy underwear, she would call them. I guess it’s hard to find my other underwear sexy when it’s meant for those 7–14.

23 Mar 09

Blending In As A Local

Posted in: Random | Tags: ,

When I tell the taxi drivers here the name of the street I want to go to (pronounced from memory because the names are too complicated to understand), they don’t always know how to get there. That’s why I always have the name of a popular landmark in close proximity memorized, and when I mention this, it usually gets me where I want to go. Sometimes I get a part-time cabbie though, who doesn’t even know where this landmark is. That’s when they ask me how to get there, or what else is around, or if it’s close to such-and-such-a-place adjacent to such-and-such-a-street. Somehow, they assume that I’m a local.

Which is odd, because I know I have an English accent when I speak Chinese, so I assume most people can tell I’m not from around here. When I was here five years ago, most people said they knew I wasn’t from Hong Kong before I even opened my mouth. Something about the way I looked or dressed or acted.

Guess I’m fooling someone now.

16 Mar 09

The Usual Comments And Questions

Posted in: Random | Tags: ,

Pretty much everyone I’ve met so far has said one or more of the following things to me:

You have a lot of white hair. They see it mainly in the sides of my head, where it’s shorter and more obvious. It seems like most people in my family dye their hair black, so my grey stands out, even though I’m youngest.

Are you dating anyone? This is usually followed by, “Are there any girls are after you?”, which is a sort of way of figuring out if you want to date, or just don’t have the option.

Is your Tai Chi teacher white? Except instead of white, it’s “guai” or “ghost”. This is the only question I resent, because I feel like I have to defend the fact that he’s a competent teacher, even though he’s a “foreigner”.

You’re a handsome boy. The word for handsome in Chinese — “leng” — is the same word for pretty when applied to girls. This one is good. I like this one. More people need to say this to me.

Aren’t you cold? It’s getting very hot and somewhat muggy, so I’m wearing as little clothing as possible. This is in contrast to everyone else, who are still wearing scarves and coats.

Do your tattoos come off? Although the literal translation is more like “Do your tattoos wipe off?”. Many people here don’t know how tattoos work, which is understandable, since they’re so uncommon. Related to this is, “Did you draw it yourself?”. This question surprises me, because the character was drawn by arguably the most famous Chinese calligrapher, Yan Zhenqing, and is so beautiful and perfect and far beyond something that I could have done myself.

31 Jan 09

Replacement Pillow

Posted in: Random | Tags:

I sleep with three different pillows.

The one for my head is regular sized, with foam filling, and rather flat because I like to sleep with my arm under there. The one on my left is also foam, but a body pillow. The one on my right is king-sized and filled with down. I like to sleep on my side pressed between the two, and through the night, I’ll alternate between sides, hugging one.

When she comes over, she takes the king-sized one. My head pillow is too flat, and obviously my body pillow is too big.

So I lose my king-sized, and she becomes my replacement pillow.

11 Jan 09

Revealing Underwear

Muse body 1

Muse body 2

Muse body 3

I’ve never been one for pure nakedness. I love to see clothing on a body. It says so much more about personality and mood, and that’s so much more attractive than plain physicality. Not to mention how well it can emphasize the curves on a woman’s body.

Some of my underwear has sharks or skiers on them. I wonder what that says about me.

15 Dec 08

The Measure of a Man

I’m still not sure if I feel like a man.

I always imagined that it’s a mindset you suddenly develop (or a way people view you) once you have kids, or pass 30, whichever one comes first. There’s this idea stuck in my head that adults are these people who don’t have fun. They don’t watch (and enjoy) stupid movies, or play Warcraft, or talk on the phone for hours. It’s probably from growing up with my parents, who never did anything that made them laugh or smile. Or maybe I’m having too much fun and freedom to really feel like I’m grown-up.

There was definitely some point between getting my first job and house, and now, that I started to feel like an adult. It was never a distinct line though.

It’s still foreign for me to say that I date women, as opposed to girls. To think I’ll ever grow out of saying that is very strange.

For now, the only thing I do that makes me feel like I’m a man is when I’m paying and filing my bills.

22 Oct 08

Walk It Off

Posted in: Random | Tags: , ,

Sometimes, I have to get out, even when it feels like it’s 40°C outside, because I need my music loud, and I need to fucking strut, and the birds clear the way cause they know it’s serious, cause the pictures are fucking killing me, so I’ll just keep skipping songs until it hits me then I’ll CRANK IT until it hurts, walking it off like it’s nobody’s business, dancing inside to the bass pounding in my ears.

14 Aug 08

I Wanna Be A Trailer Park Boy

Trailer park us

Cause Trailer Park Boys never give up.

Cause Trailer Park Boys aren’t stuck in the rat race.

Cause Trailer Park Boys smoke weed, drink, and eat cheeseburgers all day.

Cause Trailer Park Boys love kitties as much as I do.

Cause Trailer Park Boys always dream, hope, believe in something better.

10 Jun 08

Current Rituals

Posted in: Daily Life, Random | Tags:

Weekdays

  • I wake up, turn my alarm off, and before I do anything else, I put on some music
  • I make my food for work in the order of most to least time consuming to prepare. So currently it’s drink (smoothie), then lunch (sandwich), then breakfast (buttered raisin cinnamon bagel).
  • When I get into work, I walk in the back, say “mornin’” to the regulars on the way to my office
  • After entering my office, the first thing I do is plug in my iPod and put on some music
  • I’ll clean my desk, check my e-mail, turn on the photocopier, etc. but before I get into any serious business, I clean my mug, make some tea, and check Slashdot over breakfast. This is probably the pinnacle of my geekiness.
  • When I get home, I check my blogroll, eat a snack, shower (unless I’m going out or expecting guests), nap, then wake up to cook and eat dinner
  • Monday and Wednesday nights are reserved for phonecalls with John, Tuesday and Thursday nights are for Tai Chi class

Weekends

  • I wake up (too) early, cook breakfast (usually bacon, eggs, and toast) while writing or cleaning, eat, play a game of some sort (currently GTA: San Andreas or FFXII) then fall asleep again
  • I only check my snail-mail and pay bills on Sundays

I rarely deviate from these daily rituals, perhaps a simpler form of OCD.

18 Mar 08

The Peeing Sound

Posted in: Random | Tags:

Sometimes, when I pee, I shudder a little bit. Not only that, but a sound may escape me. The only way I can describe it is a soft, trembling, exclamation.

Sometimes, this happens at a public bathroom.

Sometimes, there happens to be someone standing next to me, also peeing.

Sometimes, I get funny looks.