So yeah.

Got my hair bleached blonde. I’ve always wanted very pale blonde hair, but midtone is about as far as it goes.

Trolley, Aaron, and wheaties got me Half-Life 2 for my birthday. I didn’t have a chance to really play it until this weekend, but I decided to play through Half-Life: Source first, because it was four years five years since I last finished it, and going through the game again would help me appreciate all the little details being put into the sequel. The odd thing is that I remember taking weeks to play it through, whereas I started playing HL:S Friday, played a bit last night, and am almost done now. It’s nice to be able to sit and play through a game, taking my time, not having to worry about classes, or assignments, or tests, etc. This makes me realize that I haven’t really gotten into a game like this since I finished university.

Finally get to go for some pho with Loo today. We haven’t been almost two weeks.

Aaron bought me a quadruple/quadruple from Timmies yesterday, and it was good. I’ve been trying to cut down on sugar and creme for years now, so four of each being so satiating (almost candy-like) is very scary.

I took my first puff from a cigarette yesterday. It was a Matinee Extra Mild, and it wasn’t pleasant. I was stoned, and the weed tasted way better.

The Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex tracks that Number18 sent me are amazing. She rules.

Been busy as fuck.

That’s all. I’m going back to sleep.

I was riding the bus the other day, and a woman got on and sat in a perpendicular seat in front of me. She wore plain mary-janes, thick wool stockings, a conservative plaid skirt, and had her hair in a slightly ornamented pony-tail. I assume that she was in her late twenties, but her demeanour was almost child-like. She sat for a while, staring at nothing, carrying a perpetually innocent, apologetic expression on her face, as if she had a tiring day and was penitent to those around her for being in such an exhausted state.

Sticking out of her bag was a simple, white, letter-sized booklet with the heading “DEMOCRACY IN ACTION PROGRAM”, and I thought it was odd that a parliamentary event being held in the capital of Canada would use the American spelling of the word “programme”.

Soon, she pulled out a set of plastic, bulky Sony headphones (the ones with the oversized foam that actually come with a music device), and searched her bag for the tape player attached at the end of the cord. Now, I admit that I’m already generally attracted to older, homely looking women, but it was the fact that she had such a pure look of simple bliss on her face when she put on the headphones, as if she was waiting all day to listen to her music, that I found most attractive.

Some people turn to pills and things
To help them through the day
To take them up or down or just
To ease the blues away
But me I really want to feel
The ups and downs of life so real
Happy or sad emotions reign
My tears flow just the same

—Lamb, I Cry

I had been trying to write this for nearly a month, but couldn’t get it down until I really listened to the lyrics of I Cry on the walk home past the power lines. I decided to split this up into two separate entries, after realizing that I have two similar ideas in my head, but two very distinct issues. Perhaps it just took a few extra rough days of work to force me to think about this. All the things falling apart that I have to fix, responsibilities, deadlines, and tons of other miscellaneous things are definitely making me think of ways to get the tension out of my arms and shoulders.

Sometimes, when I come home, all I want to do is get piss drunk or mindlessly stoned. Maybe go recklessly buy a bunch of things I don’t need, to make myself feel better for that little amount of time. Sometimes I just feel like doing something irrational, even though I have no idea what or why, simply because I believe it would get my mind of things. And yet I don’t do any of this, especially when I’m having a particularly bad day, because I don’t want to be dependent on anything.

I don’t want to rely on narcotics, or material goods, or self-mutilation, or anything at all to make myself feel better. I want to be sure that I can handle things, no matter what, on my own. I force myself to feel every stressful, miserable, forlorn emotion, so that I know that I can get through them.

Sometimes, every day can be a test. Music and writing are the only things that I allow myself.

And sometimes I have to tell myself that it’s enough.

Usually, my playlists are very carefully planned, and aside from a few organized by genre, are based on emotion and experience. However, there was there was one morning when I got up, and found myself outside on a chilly fall day, with everything was covered in an early winter frost. Past the buildings and the trees, a wall of cloud hung over the river, fazing stark whites through pale reds, coloured by the early sun.

This playlist was inspired by that single morning. The music is a mix of two moods; the first is a relaxed and beat-oriented, while the other is more dreamy and floaty. I recommend it for long trips by bus during the fall-winter transition. The bus really is the best way to pay attention to the landscape and the changing sky.

Portishead — Glory Box
Portishead — It’s A Fire
Portishead — Mysterons
Portishead — Roads
DJ Clue — Exclusive New Shit (feat. Nature)
Nas — Gotta Love It
Dido — Aria
Pinback — Loro
The Fugees — Ready Or Not
Xzibit — Carry The Weight
DNTEL — Why I’m So Unhappy
Cardigans — Explode
Band Of Bees — Punchbag
Modest Mouse — The World At Large
Bel Canto — Capio
Radiohead — Everything In Its Right Place
Radiohead — Motion Picture Soundtrack
Radiohead — No Surprizes
Sigur Rós — Ágætis Byrjun
Omni Trio — Higher Ground
Sylver — In Your Eyes
Dune — Winter Kills

I have to say more about DFA 1979’s debut LP. I’m amazed that two young guys from Canada could come up with an album that’s as funky, loud, raw, and developed as this. They aren’t the White Stripes, as some have tragically compared. What’s the difference? DFA 1979 doesn’t have shitty vocals, shitty drums, or shitty songs (although they also don’t have a moderately cute female drummer). THEY DON’T EVEN PLAY THE SAME INSTRUMENTS. A BASS IS NOT THE SAME AS A GUITAR YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. WHAT THE HELL WAS YOUR BASIS OF COMPARISON? THE NUMBER OF MEMBERS IN THE BAND? LET’S JUST COMPARE NIRVANA TO THE BRAD MEHLDAU TRIO CAUSE THEY BOTH HAVE THREE MEMBERS.

Anyway.

Listening to Romantic Rights can make anyone feel like a million bucks just walking down the street. I know I do.