My days here have been busy. I’m usually doing something from one moment to the next. I now understand a way of spending one’s time differently from one I’ve ever experienced. I find that I’m generally a person who’s cosmopolitan enough to be able to pass time enjoyably with most people. However, most of my friends seem to be doers, always needing something to do lest an awkward silence set in. These last five days have been filled with comfortable silences though, just from meeting and hanging out with people who are comfortable enough with each other to simply let conversation flow at its own pace. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to look at hanging out with my friends in the same way again.

I watched In The Bedroom with Darren yesterday. Although I thought it was a very well made film, with usually moving (though drawn out) storytelling, I didn’t enjoy it very much. There didn’t seem to be much of a message at the end, which leaves the entertainment of the film up to the the story, characters, and plot, all which I felt to be very shallow. The film is supposed to be about “the bonds of marriage and the limits of forgiveness [being] put to the test”, but there was only one major conflict and only a few shallow attempts at developing characters and motives. It just didn’t seem to go anywhere, and without interesting (to me, at least) events taking place, I felt as if my time would have been better spent elsewhere.

Speaking of films, I’ve been able to catch a few trailers which have piqued my curiosity. The Good Thief with Nick Nolte seems like an amazingly stylized movie (directed by Neil Jordan) about a retired art crook doing one last heist. It appeals to me because of the way Nolte seems to bring a presence of conflicting humanity with his slurred speech and rugged looks. I also find the slow, patient tune at the end of the trailer to fit perfectly with the cinematography, the way Nolte looks at his lighter before closing it on a brightly grey day with the movement of a city in the background. All of this from a trailer, and I’m already hooked. Kill Bill also looks amazing, in a cheesy, Tarantino sort of way.

Studying has not been going well. I find it difficult to get motivated, both exams being a week away. I’d much rather be trying to improve my win ratio or working on my book, than learning about orthogonal view mathematics or mesothermal vein deposits. I might just write off the rest of the afternoon as relaxation.

Using my tax return as justification, I bought a set of Candela’s a few days ago. After seeing a movie in which a restaurant displays a beautiful set of mood lighting, I was inspired to give some more personality to my rather drably room. My Christmas lights do add a bit of mood, but they are too bright to feel comfortable. I also bought a blue single, in case one of them burns out, and so that I can have a bit of colour at my disposal. I don’t like the fact that they run on NiCads though, making them have the troublesome characteristic of memory. I’d like to just leave it on until I go to bed, but I’m afraid I’d have to let them “burn out”, although I’m sure that lithium ion batteries would have doubled the price as well as the weight, and halved the lifespan of each Candela.

My computer desperately needs a formatting.

I caught Basic this afternoon with Aaron and Chris. It wasn’t very good; the plot had way too many twists to it. I spent the entire time trying to figure out what the hell was going on and admiring Connie Nielson’s distinguished and weathered face (oh my).

I feel like talking, but I doubt anyone would understand. Sometimes, I feel like speaking to someone, and having them listen. Other times, I would rather have them strengthen my convictions, to tell me what I need to hear back. Tonight, I need someone who understands, who can make sense of what I’m feeling, who can provide not only support, but guidance as well.

Scary Movie Night 3 went well yesterday. It ended up that Aaron, Cristina, Nick, Jacques, Ngan, Trolley, and Wheaties came over to watch Signs, which I thought was only moderately scary, and had an inspiring, but rather cheap ending. The former three people stayed over to hang out, and I think I scared them off with some overtly disgusting Southpark episodes. Everyone was wasted by the end of the night, so talking seemed to take a secondary role.

I had a good phone call with John the other day.

There hasn’t been much progress on my geology essay. It seems like there’s a great lack of material on the internet about gold value fluctuations, from a geological perspective; everything is from a financial view. I’m a little worried that I’ll have half the length I’m supposed to. It’s due at the end of the month, so I’ll still have time. The only problem is that time will most likely not help any.

I watched Swingers with Aaron, Trolley, and Nick on Tuesday, and I realized that it’s a movie that makes guys flinch more than watching someone take a kick in the pills.

I’ve been watching a lot of Chinese movies lately. I always find the scenery to be subtly poignant, from the density of the houses, to the confinement of the living arrangements, to the homliness of the shops. It makes me miss Hong Kong. It makes me miss seeing my grandparents. It makes me miss the quaint lifestyle, the diversity of food, the entire culture.

If I end up going to Hong Kong this year, I hope to be able to tell my grandmother how strong a person I see her to be, but I detest my limited knowledge of the Chinese language. I wish that I could express to her in English how much I look up to her. If I had a chance with English, I would feel like I could do the feeling justice. I hope she doesn’t hurt my feelings. I hope she doesn’t die before I see her next. I wonder who would cry.

I still remember living with Kenny, having a great time at his place, playing with all sorts of interesting gadgets. His parents were always good people, one of the few sets of relatives I care about.

The feeling is almost tangeable. I can close my eyes, and see myself there again, a lost, emotionless, ignorant boy. I miss the street vendors. I miss the smell of my grandmothers house. I miss the bliss.

I realize that my feelings are probably a result of my absolute contentment whenever I was in Hong Kong. I’ve had some of the best times of my life there, and I remember nothing but happiness. It seems like I’ve been tainted with maturity, and I’m trying to regain a lost part of my childhood, the carefree being that is so characteristic of young people.

Tainted.

I like that.