I’ve been back for two days, and I’m still busy. I haven’t played a game of WC3 in over a week and a half. I think people would generally be worried about me if I told them this without letting them know that I didn’t have access to a decent computer. I can honestly say that the last two weeks have been the best trip home I’ve ever had.

I’ll never forget driving to the park to blaze with Darren and Chris or Jeff or Jerry. The park was always abandoned at that time of night, surrounded by a field on one side, and a row of middle-class houses on the other. I always suspected that the people eating dinner with their blinds open knew that we were doing something illicit when sparks would light up our faces in the blackness of the field. Standing in the middle of the playground, with its sand-covered tables or dual-sided slide contraptions, made me feel comfortably at peace. The area was devoid of traffic (and hence noise) and there was no light pollution to dilute the glamour of the glittering sky.

Afterwards, getting hungry, we would drive to the McDonalds drive-through (since the regular joint was closed at that time of night), and order an inordinate amount of food. Eating would always consist of parking in a nearby lot, lit from long lamps that seemed to want to touch the sky, and rolling down the Civic’s windows. The wide, open space of the parking lot would rarely see anyone drive through, and we were left eating comfortably in silence (albeit with the hum of the A/C in the background), when food never tasted so good.

We would hit the closest Timmies afterwards, needing coffee and somehow more food. The place was always empty, and from two to four in the morning we were the only customers, getting two large teas and two cheese strudels please. I wondered how much money could have been made by staying open 24 hours a day, paying the two employees working the night shift while seeing us as the only customers, purchasing food but staying well over the courtesy limit. I’ll never forget how brightly lit the place was, with it’s lugubrious employee seemingly mopping the floor for an eternity while Chris and Darren chatted endlessly about the more humourous aspects of their friends facial features. I would look out the window and see cars pass by on the main road every so often, wondering how I’ve missed such a good time my whole life.

Time spent with John was just as good. We watched Elizabeth (Geoffrey Rush and Fanny Ardent had the best parts), The Transporter (terrible), The Good Thief (very good), Jackass Movie (just as good the second time), and Better Luck Tomorrow (very enjoyable). We bought Timesplitters 2 for his PS2 and played quite a bit of co-operative campaign and switched to deathmatch when we felt the need to match testosterone.

He would give me a ride home every night which ended up taking about an hour due to the DVP being closed for construction. We rode along the dark city streets, listening to Air Supply and talked about anything from implanted human desires to how fucked up our relationships have been to our future plans.

I realized that, as good a time as I was having at home, I still wouldn’t move back there. I’m comfortable here, and I’m able to much better appreciate the time I spend with my friends or family if it’s not too often. I have something to look forward to.

Something that is rare.

My days here have been busy. I’m usually doing something from one moment to the next. I now understand a way of spending one’s time differently from one I’ve ever experienced. I find that I’m generally a person who’s cosmopolitan enough to be able to pass time enjoyably with most people. However, most of my friends seem to be doers, always needing something to do lest an awkward silence set in. These last five days have been filled with comfortable silences though, just from meeting and hanging out with people who are comfortable enough with each other to simply let conversation flow at its own pace. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to look at hanging out with my friends in the same way again.

I watched In The Bedroom with Darren yesterday. Although I thought it was a very well made film, with usually moving (though drawn out) storytelling, I didn’t enjoy it very much. There didn’t seem to be much of a message at the end, which leaves the entertainment of the film up to the the story, characters, and plot, all which I felt to be very shallow. The film is supposed to be about “the bonds of marriage and the limits of forgiveness [being] put to the test”, but there was only one major conflict and only a few shallow attempts at developing characters and motives. It just didn’t seem to go anywhere, and without interesting (to me, at least) events taking place, I felt as if my time would have been better spent elsewhere.

Speaking of films, I’ve been able to catch a few trailers which have piqued my curiosity. The Good Thief with Nick Nolte seems like an amazingly stylized movie (directed by Neil Jordan) about a retired art crook doing one last heist. It appeals to me because of the way Nolte seems to bring a presence of conflicting humanity with his slurred speech and rugged looks. I also find the slow, patient tune at the end of the trailer to fit perfectly with the cinematography, the way Nolte looks at his lighter before closing it on a brightly grey day with the movement of a city in the background. All of this from a trailer, and I’m already hooked. Kill Bill also looks amazing, in a cheesy, Tarantino sort of way.

Studying has not been going well. I find it difficult to get motivated, both exams being a week away. I’d much rather be trying to improve my win ratio or working on my book, than learning about orthogonal view mathematics or mesothermal vein deposits. I might just write off the rest of the afternoon as relaxation.

Using my tax return as justification, I bought a set of Candela’s a few days ago. After seeing a movie in which a restaurant displays a beautiful set of mood lighting, I was inspired to give some more personality to my rather drably room. My Christmas lights do add a bit of mood, but they are too bright to feel comfortable. I also bought a blue single, in case one of them burns out, and so that I can have a bit of colour at my disposal. I don’t like the fact that they run on NiCads though, making them have the troublesome characteristic of memory. I’d like to just leave it on until I go to bed, but I’m afraid I’d have to let them “burn out”, although I’m sure that lithium ion batteries would have doubled the price as well as the weight, and halved the lifespan of each Candela.

My computer desperately needs a formatting.

I caught Basic this afternoon with Aaron and Chris. It wasn’t very good; the plot had way too many twists to it. I spent the entire time trying to figure out what the hell was going on and admiring Connie Nielson’s distinguished and weathered face (oh my).

I feel like talking, but I doubt anyone would understand. Sometimes, I feel like speaking to someone, and having them listen. Other times, I would rather have them strengthen my convictions, to tell me what I need to hear back. Tonight, I need someone who understands, who can make sense of what I’m feeling, who can provide not only support, but guidance as well.

Scary Movie Night 3 went well yesterday. It ended up that Aaron, Cristina, Nick, Jacques, Ngan, Trolley, and Wheaties came over to watch Signs, which I thought was only moderately scary, and had an inspiring, but rather cheap ending. The former three people stayed over to hang out, and I think I scared them off with some overtly disgusting Southpark episodes. Everyone was wasted by the end of the night, so talking seemed to take a secondary role.

I had a good phone call with John the other day.

There hasn’t been much progress on my geology essay. It seems like there’s a great lack of material on the internet about gold value fluctuations, from a geological perspective; everything is from a financial view. I’m a little worried that I’ll have half the length I’m supposed to. It’s due at the end of the month, so I’ll still have time. The only problem is that time will most likely not help any.

I watched Swingers with Aaron, Trolley, and Nick on Tuesday, and I realized that it’s a movie that makes guys flinch more than watching someone take a kick in the pills.