Posts tagged with "jealousy"

Later In Chapter 23

…I knew jeal­ousy would be the best ally I could call in for the fur­ther­ance of that end

—Mr. Rochester, Jane Eyre

I set jeal­ousy traps. I don’t do it mali­cious­ly, and I don’t go out of my way to set them up. I just do it to gath­er infor­ma­tion, to know where peo­ple stand. Does this make me a bad per­son? Perhaps, but I think that I’m as much at fault as the per­son who falls for such a thing. After all, jeal­ousy to me is a super­flu­ous emo­tion.

It’s AMAZING what some will do when they’re jeal­ous.

First

I thought I knew what love was
until I pressed my lips to yours
and real­ized that I knew absolute­ly
noth­ing
of this con­tra­dic­to­ry feel­ing
a melt­ing fire inside my mouth
you matched with the deep­ness
of your breath

Rapaciousness

I’m sor­ry, but I can’t go anoth­er day with­out telling you how much I want to feel your face beneath my fin­gers, how much I want to drag their trem­bling tips across your gen­tle skin. My mind swells with almost inclement desire, that I may con­sume your body or breathe in your being with every sigh you let out.

I want to run my fin­gers across the play­ful curve of your brow, the arch­ing base of your nose, the edges of your sup­ple lips. I want to feel your skin give beneath mine as it resists from the sul­tri­ness of your com­plex­ion. I want to explore every diminu­tive line in your face and exam­ine every fea­ture of your coun­te­nance. I want to graze the flour­ish of your lash­es and kiss the cor­ners of your exquis­ite, point­ed mouth.

Even now my mind strug­gles with the words, the inef­fa­ble nature of my over­whelm­ing appetite.

That you may be mine.

And no one else’s.

Jealousy Revisited

Jealousy is not a famil­iar emo­tion to me. I’m nev­er jeal­ous of what some­one has, sim­ply because I dis­like com­par­ing oth­ers with myself in terms of what one may earn/deserve. It’s only in my rela­tion­ships which any sort of envi­ous emo­tions sur­face, and even then, such an oner­ous emo­tion hap­pens rarely to me.

Historically speak­ing, I’m gen­er­al­ly over-con­fi­dent, and such a mind­set cre­ates very wor­ry-free rela­tion­ships. It’s when I don’t have this con­fi­dence that my mind starts to won­der. In a way, this is my inse­cu­ri­ty get­ting the bet­ter of me. It feels so odd to have to fight off this emo­tion, to have to con­stant­ly remind myself and keep my feel­ings in check. It’s almost an extreme test of how far I’ve come in my goal to be a cere­bral per­son. When I try to calm myself down I can feel my mind evening out, like a melt­ing can­dle, lev­el­ing out from heat.

So far, my jeal­ousy has been eas­i­er to con­tain than I would have believed. Maybe I’m los­ing my inse­cu­ri­ties bet­ter than I know, and I’ve come fur­ther as a per­son than I real­ized. Because of my inex­pe­ri­ence with jeal­ousy, I do salute any jeal­ousy I expe­ri­ence as a mark of true love.

Perhaps some jeal­ousy is a good thing.